Dick Pic Comment Just Before 1st Date

[BrokenWingsCantFly]

I have been talking to this guy for nearly 2 months. He does shifts. We had a date planned a few weeks back, but he cancelled due to sickness. Tomorrow is our 1st free day to get that 1st date in. I was so looking forward to it but now I'm getting doubts.

He seems exactly what I am looking for. Good job (as do I), good looking, taller than me, seems to have the same views on many topics, we seem to have the same humour, both of us not really into nights out any more. Both close to family and want to do the same type of holidays.

I also liked that he didn't try to do sex talk. Which I have told him before I am glad about as I like to have got to know someone 1st and be actually physically involved with them before that. He sounded like he agreed. Well a few weeks on, last weekend we had both had a drink at home alone, and we got onto subject about pics. He said do I want him to send and almost nudes pic and he said not dick pics lol. He sent a photo of naked but covered his dick. I could tell it wasn't recent, but by god did he look hot and I told him so. Sent bikini snaps from holidays in exchange which are so PG they are on my Facebook.

Well anyway last night we had chats again as we have had every day, and he got a bit suggestive, we stuck to mild sex chat but nothing too explicit, then I said I need to sleep as had work in the morning. He said at the start of the night he was having a drink that night. I look at my phone in the morning and he had said goodnight, but then tried to continue the sex chat and ended with a message of its own saying he was going to send a dick pic never mind.

This has thrown me, I liked who he was to this point and he hadn't tried this sort of thing before last night. Why wait until just before we meet after all this time. He know my thoughts on nude photos, knew I was opposed. Maybe he meant it as a joke or a disappointment I cut off chat to go to sleep? I'm very black and white about this stuff, think autism contributes towards that thinking, but is this a me being too black and white or a pushing boundaries he knew about sort of thing?

After his cancellation last time, tomorrow was already down as a decision day. My worry now is nude photos are just not what I like. I know some people are into it and that is fine but they would not be suitable to me. If he sent photos to exes he had loved i could just pretend it didn't happen, but if he is sending photos to other girls he hasn't even met, then I don't want to be with someone who does this. Thinking if we got together, then many random strangers would have been having photos of my man. Yuk.

I messaged him back around lunchtime making a joke of it saying haha I don't want dick pics, then changing the chat. He hasn't read it since. But I know you can do preview of chats so maybe he thinks I'm too prude anyway

He sounds revolting, who honestly finds dick pics attractive? Looks gross in real life.

Did he message you?

I wouldn't say the offer was completely unsolicited. You exchanged nearly nude photos and engaged in sex chat, he offered to take it a step further but didn't actually send it. I don't think he's done anything wrong. People change their minds, I wouldn't say offering something is pushing boundaries.

I have given up on online dating now, but there are some rules that I think it ould really benefit you to take on board:

One- join the Burnt Haystack Dating Method Facebook group and have a look at Jennie's Instagram posts explaining the concept. Skip the spin off groups, they're weirdly full of pick-me women who want to justify why they aren't following the rules of a system nobody made them follow.

If you'd have followed Burnt Haystack Dating method, I bet you that you would have blocked his profile from the off because there would likely be a tell in it. The joke about sending a dick pic is "test and apologise" rhetortic and should have earned him a block. I think cancelling because he had the shits was also a version of the same rhetrotic, FWIW. The guy is a boundary trampling nightmare.

One rule that has served me well that I picked up from... somewhere else (I can't remember) is "It's all bullshit until it happens". You don't know this guy from adam. It could all very easily be bullshit. It's nice to arrange a date and hope that they are who they say they are, but treat everything said by a man who you don't yet know very well, as bullshit. He earns a ton of money and drives a nice car and looks like his main profile pic? That's nice dear, I certainly hope that's true but it's bullshit until you've seen it with your own eyes.

Firstly , 2 months is a long time not to have met yet .
You can’t build a genuine connection on line , but it leaves you feeling as though you have .
Meeting as soon as possible is the best way forward with on line dating .
I realise you guys had arranged to meet before but he got sick .
From my experience of meeting guys on line , the keepers never try to sex chat without having met up first in real life .

skimming and scanning the whole thread, this is the impression I'm left with.

I thought exactly the same. Time and place arranged, no need to confirm again.

I went on a date once without confirming before I left. We had arranged a date, time and location two days before and had spoken since by text. He messaged me when I was on the train to say "Did we confirm plans for tonight?" I sad that we had and repeated them. I didn't hear again until about half an hour after I got to the venue when he messaged to say that his family member had been taken ill and he couldn't come!

@PersonalJaysus ’Beef Olive’ I need an ambulance 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Thank you. I dont need a break from dating. I have had a very long break from dating already. This would have been my 1st date in around 6 months. I wasn't in love with this guy or heartbroken or anything. Just disappointed it was a huge waste of time, and I missed out on a daytrip for nothing.

Agree I won't let it drag on for more than a couple of weeks before a date again. I do like to have some sort of chats at length prior to a date though. Those 1st few days of chats have weeded out many in the past. My days off are precious so if I can find out we definitely are not suited beforehand then I prefer to do that.

I do have a full life and interests outside of work. I do physical hobbies most midweek nights. Spent the weekend days out and about on daytrips with family and go for meals with friends some weekend nights. Plus all the diy and gardening projects I got going on around my house. There is only 1-2 days a week I do nothing but work and stay home

That is so shit. So disrespectful letting people take the time getting ready all for nothing. So glad i didn't waste more time on taking the journey though

Agree he may not be who he made out. But I would hardly call what I sent sexting. He couldn't have had a wank over anything I said. He said something around the lines of wish he could be cuddled up to me. I said maybe 1 day in the future. He said said would like to do more than just cuddle too. I put a blushing emoji and said I need to go to sleep now. Like I said in my OP it was very mild. But then he sent the dick pic think that I couldn't work out if it was serious or if it was a joke as I Basically ran away

He didn't send any dick pic. He sent 1 of him covered in a towel before but we were just talking about photos in general. As I said in my OP there was no sex chat then on the day of those photos.

When his chat turned sexual that night. I didn't say 1 sexy thing to him. As I said it was very mild. Basically he said about wishing he could have a cuddle, I said maybe 1 day. He said about about hoping for more than that. I said blush emoji and said I need to sleep. That is it. I have never had a proper sex chat in my life. Even in a relationship as I don't actually know what to say and words do nothing for me

So he never replied to your message?

What a coward.

You are well rid and are building up your knowledge of what you don't want and do want, so hopefully not wasted effort as a one off.

It seems more like a joke like oh if youd stuck around I was going to send one ha ha. How old are you both?

Nope never replied, left it unread but I know he most likely saw it on preview. Obviously no matter what he said there would not have been another chance, but if you are going to do that to someone, could have at least said sorry.

That's a good way of looking at it. A lesson learned, so not such a waste of time after all. Thanks

Maybe. That was what I couldn't work out. Doesn't matter now anyway, he ghosted me the day of the date, after saying how much he was looking forward to meeting me the night before. Never mind

Oh, he's a preview wanker!

If you ever find yourself in the same situation, send lots of emojis, with the message at the bottom, so they have to open the message to read. E.g:

😊
😊
😊
😊
😊
😊

(I'm only half joking).

Report what, exactly?

That is disgusting and against the law, it's called cyberflashing.

It’s illegal to send someone a picture of your genitals without consent. But a) he didn’t send a picture of his genitals and b) he didn’t send anything else without her consent. He made a joke about dick pics, after the OP brought the subject up. He hasn’t cyber-flashed the OP, and if he’s sent dick pics to other women (and we’ve no idea if he even has done that) it still wouldn’t be illegal if he asked them if it was OK first.

If he ghosted you after you set a boundary you should report him to the police for being a disgusting sex crazed creep.

What on earth are you on about? Report him for what? Poor manners? Time-wasting on Hinge? Being unimpressed by the OP’s flirting style?

Jeez.

For me it's the "nevermind" like he's doing you they're favour by sending you a dic pic 🤮 The entitlement is palpable! I'm sure you've really missed out 🙄 x

The reason I’m so wise about not building up this “ connection “, that we think we build on line is because OP I learnt the hard way I’m afraid.
Last Summer I was chatting to a guy , I’d say it was nearly a good month .
We lived at opposite sides of the Country .
Anyway, I thought I clicked with him like no other guy I chatted to before 🙄.
Chatting on the phone til the wee hours some nights where I was going into work wrecked tired , didn’t care of course cause he was the one 😂 🙈.
Roll on the date .
I did tan the night before , picked out a lovely dress , spoke to him at 12 the night beforehand & then ghosted the following day !!
It literally was my first time ever being ghosted & it sucks !!
I agree letting someone get ready is so disrespectful, speaking to someone loads on the phone too , means sweet fuck all 🤷🏻‍♀️.
Well it’s kinda fucked up too how fake people can be .

that is really shit, trust your gut you know when it isn’t right and actually you were dead right about him! I dated so many dickheads in my twenties and early thirties but try not to let it get you down!

I agree. You gave him an ‘in’ so now he thinks you do accept nude pics.

Oh & some advice .
There’s a huge chance he will contact you again .( unless you’ve him blocked ) .
You could be put on a back burner there until he’s burnt his bridges with whoever may have taken his fancy now .
This is what happened with me & that guy last Summer , he contacted me , I never blocked him , my confidence took a blow alright at the time , but like that I’d never met him 🤷🏻‍♀️.
Anyway , I never blocked him 😂.
I’m afraid I acted quite childishly & gave him a dose of his own medicine.
Chatted away ( this was only about a month ago ) .
Arranged to meet him ( I hadn’t a notion of it ) 😂.
He messaged me morning of , I opened it , completely ignored him . Ha Ha ! Good enough for him as far as I’m concerned 😆