Dick Pic Comment Just Before 1st Date

[BrokenWingsCantFly]

I have been talking to this guy for nearly 2 months. He does shifts. We had a date planned a few weeks back, but he cancelled due to sickness. Tomorrow is our 1st free day to get that 1st date in. I was so looking forward to it but now I'm getting doubts.

He seems exactly what I am looking for. Good job (as do I), good looking, taller than me, seems to have the same views on many topics, we seem to have the same humour, both of us not really into nights out any more. Both close to family and want to do the same type of holidays.

I also liked that he didn't try to do sex talk. Which I have told him before I am glad about as I like to have got to know someone 1st and be actually physically involved with them before that. He sounded like he agreed. Well a few weeks on, last weekend we had both had a drink at home alone, and we got onto subject about pics. He said do I want him to send and almost nudes pic and he said not dick pics lol. He sent a photo of naked but covered his dick. I could tell it wasn't recent, but by god did he look hot and I told him so. Sent bikini snaps from holidays in exchange which are so PG they are on my Facebook.

Well anyway last night we had chats again as we have had every day, and he got a bit suggestive, we stuck to mild sex chat but nothing too explicit, then I said I need to sleep as had work in the morning. He said at the start of the night he was having a drink that night. I look at my phone in the morning and he had said goodnight, but then tried to continue the sex chat and ended with a message of its own saying he was going to send a dick pic never mind.

This has thrown me, I liked who he was to this point and he hadn't tried this sort of thing before last night. Why wait until just before we meet after all this time. He know my thoughts on nude photos, knew I was opposed. Maybe he meant it as a joke or a disappointment I cut off chat to go to sleep? I'm very black and white about this stuff, think autism contributes towards that thinking, but is this a me being too black and white or a pushing boundaries he knew about sort of thing?

After his cancellation last time, tomorrow was already down as a decision day. My worry now is nude photos are just not what I like. I know some people are into it and that is fine but they would not be suitable to me. If he sent photos to exes he had loved i could just pretend it didn't happen, but if he is sending photos to other girls he hasn't even met, then I don't want to be with someone who does this. Thinking if we got together, then many random strangers would have been having photos of my man. Yuk.

I messaged him back around lunchtime making a joke of it saying haha I don't want dick pics, then changing the chat. He hasn't read it since. But I know you can do preview of chats so maybe he thinks I'm too prude anyway

I met DH before online dating was a thing. But I’ve never heard of “on the day checking” anywhere except MN

Well good for you… in the good old days when arrangements were made by wired telephone that meant you got charged for every phone call so you had to be economical with contacting and phoning after 6pm in an evening!
Things are different now with everyone having access to the internet and the online world where men have thousands upon thousands of choices of women to choose from (like a catalogue) and women are very much replaceable in the blink of an eye. The constant swiping left and right on many men/ women available not just in the local area but nationally, even globally! And a man can just choose to ‘go with someone else’ while deciding to ghost the previous one who he’s been chatting to for a couple of months without giving any reason!
It’s not like the 70s and 80s where if you was dating a woman you were considered as being ‘together’. Nowadays people can just meet up with any random and shag each other then never see each other again. And people use dating apps to take advantage of that! Nowadays it IS necessary to double check on the day of the date! People have WhatsApp now so it’s instant contact and not confining things a few days before via an old telephone attached to the wall via a cable! Keep up!

“ Date people who you wouldn’t usually go for , or find attractive, or that are shorter than you “.
That there now has to be the worst dating advice I’ve ever heard 😂 !!

I mean at the online stage regarding the attractiveness as some people have bad photos online or are just more attractive in real life. Going for a usual type hasn't worked if someone is still single so try something different. Height is so superficial and a person could be missing out on soneone perfect for them in every way. Not bad advice at all.

Oh sorry , I picked it up as date someone you’ve zero interest in really 😂 😂.

I get what you’re saying now .
I agree you can’t judge by photos , you need to meet up in real life .
Have to admit , I can’t bring myself to date someone shorter than me though , but then I am only 5/4 so he’d want to be pretty short. ! 😂

Haha that would be pretty short. I often hear tall women think they can't date shorter men because it makes them feel less feminine which is a shame. I am plus size so always dated massive guys without necks so I didn't feel so fat but then ended up marrying a slim runner!

Awe that’s cool you met your husband on line 🙌 .
So there is success stories out there .
I think I should take some of your advice also & hopefully meet the right person 🤞 😊

Can't argue with stupid.. I would honestly just leave it.

Good for you that you've never been stood up or cancelled on after paying for a train like l have been!

You can’t really compare the two. It’s quite normal to be ghosted even after months, so yes, I confirm on the day of the date while I’m getting to know someone. It’s a sad sign of the times.

So you know people who are online dating and they don’t communicate on the day? That is definitely unusual.

One of my friends, who lives in Australia, met her dh at church and she lives somewhere with only a satellite signal so they communicated by letter. She wasn’t WhatsApping him on the day.

But if I was meeting her for a coffee now, two decades later, she’d text me because things move on.

Is there any need to be so unpleasant? Just saying that, even as an older poster, I work with a lot of younger people, and mandatory “on the day checking” does not seem prevalent

You have no idea who he is or what he does or even if he does work let alone if he's married- this is what the pp meant by false intimacy.

Because you’re dismissing the op’s concerns based on your own old fashioned experiences. You yourself are coming across as unpleasant to the op!

You're allowed to ask for a naked pic without the dick, it's doesn't mean you then have to accept a dick pic. But tbf to him, he didn't send you one. Many would have!! He just threw it out there as a bit of a joke to see how you'd react. You confirmed no dick pics. So all is good in the world is it not?

So you're concern is that if he's so happy to send a dick pic to you, he might have sent them to 100s of women before you? Girllll what he's done before you with other consenting women is absolutely none of your business. I can't imagine thinking like this. Yes there's a good chance plenty of women have seen his dick. So what!!

Interesting article for the OP. Covers this exact scenario.

https://www.theguardian.com/wellness/2026/apr/23/burned-haystack-dating-method

Well that's your opinion on it. Like I said before I know some people are ok with this and no judgement.

I personally don't want to end up with someone who has sent photos of their dick to multiple women, some of whom he may not have even met.

I also said before I dont care about whatever sex life they had before me. It is the other women owning those type of images I dont like. I know many others would feel the same. To me it is much the same as I wouldn't want anyone who has done only fans. The only difference would be is that he would be giving them out for free.

It doesn't matter with this guy now anyway, the date didn't happen. I'm over it.

Thank you. I will give it a read

Speaks volumes about the guy though doesn’t it. I certainly wouldn’t want to date a guy that just sends dick pics Willy nilly to random women. Players/ liars/ cheats do that. He will have been sending them to other women whilst he was in contact with op too. Urgh who wants a relationship with a man like that 🤢

it doesn’t sound great to be honest.

I thought she'd said they'd be chatting for 2 months (cba to go back and check) but I wouldn't say that's a willy nilly send of a dick pic. At this point I'd just be grateful he asked and didnt just send it 🤣 maybe says a lot about where my standards are 😂😂

I wouldn’t accept a dick pic from a long term boyfriend let alone a guy I’d been chatting to for 2 months. Just shows how low the bar is from some people on here and what they’d be willing to accept from a potential date, including yourself. At least you’d be grateful if some random player who sends pics of his dick to anyone asked you first, even if you’d never met him before yeah… never mind eh! 👍 😂