Dick Pic Comment Just Before 1st Date

[BrokenWingsCantFly]

I have been talking to this guy for nearly 2 months. He does shifts. We had a date planned a few weeks back, but he cancelled due to sickness. Tomorrow is our 1st free day to get that 1st date in. I was so looking forward to it but now I'm getting doubts.

He seems exactly what I am looking for. Good job (as do I), good looking, taller than me, seems to have the same views on many topics, we seem to have the same humour, both of us not really into nights out any more. Both close to family and want to do the same type of holidays.

I also liked that he didn't try to do sex talk. Which I have told him before I am glad about as I like to have got to know someone 1st and be actually physically involved with them before that. He sounded like he agreed. Well a few weeks on, last weekend we had both had a drink at home alone, and we got onto subject about pics. He said do I want him to send and almost nudes pic and he said not dick pics lol. He sent a photo of naked but covered his dick. I could tell it wasn't recent, but by god did he look hot and I told him so. Sent bikini snaps from holidays in exchange which are so PG they are on my Facebook.

Well anyway last night we had chats again as we have had every day, and he got a bit suggestive, we stuck to mild sex chat but nothing too explicit, then I said I need to sleep as had work in the morning. He said at the start of the night he was having a drink that night. I look at my phone in the morning and he had said goodnight, but then tried to continue the sex chat and ended with a message of its own saying he was going to send a dick pic never mind.

This has thrown me, I liked who he was to this point and he hadn't tried this sort of thing before last night. Why wait until just before we meet after all this time. He know my thoughts on nude photos, knew I was opposed. Maybe he meant it as a joke or a disappointment I cut off chat to go to sleep? I'm very black and white about this stuff, think autism contributes towards that thinking, but is this a me being too black and white or a pushing boundaries he knew about sort of thing?

After his cancellation last time, tomorrow was already down as a decision day. My worry now is nude photos are just not what I like. I know some people are into it and that is fine but they would not be suitable to me. If he sent photos to exes he had loved i could just pretend it didn't happen, but if he is sending photos to other girls he hasn't even met, then I don't want to be with someone who does this. Thinking if we got together, then many random strangers would have been having photos of my man. Yuk.

I messaged him back around lunchtime making a joke of it saying haha I don't want dick pics, then changing the chat. He hasn't read it since. But I know you can do preview of chats so maybe he thinks I'm too prude anyway

he's obviously joking? you are overthinking this.

I'd need closure here. Are you sure he didn't see your message on preview, travel to meet you, and he thinks YOU didn't turn up? I'd honestly send one more message just to check this isn't a huge misunderstanding.
Coppers do work ridiculous hours and even when not working they are knackered because of the shifts. I wouldn't have waited three months though, I chatted to many people who were great on text but then bottled meeting in person (usually because they were in relationships). Coppers were actually the worst for this!!!

I'd need closure here. Are you sure he didn't see your message on preview, travel to meet you, and he thinks YOU didn't turn up?

@catlover123456789 I also wondered if the date/no date issue was a big misunderstanding. I suspect not, but its not like either party cancelled on the other?

Right? he confirmed the night before which for men is basically a 'see you there'. My other half will make plans a week before with a friend, they wont text again, and then they'll meet up at the agreed time/place with no drama.

I think if it was a one off, give them the benefit of the doubt, but come on. He was able to click on to the texts that had bikini pictures and when the text was going in a certain direction and had already cancelled due to sickness. Personally I think it all leads to him being a bit of a ‘player’ and the OP is well rid.

Just wondering when it became acceptable to joke about sending a nude photo… or calling someone sensitive effectively for questioning it?

They were both joking about it, though. He asked her permission before sending a picture that wasn't a dick pic and clarified to her that is wasn't a dick pic, and she said yes and then complimented him on it and sent him bikini pictures in return. They'd had some 'mild' sex chat too. So, yeah, at that stage I would say it's fairly acceptable to make a joke about something like that. Anyway - he's ghosted her now and they were clearly not compatible anyway so it's a moot point.

It isn’t a joke because op has made it clear in her very first post that she wasn’t looking for this type of shit. She is obviously looking for a relationship, she thought she had found a great bloke. He then started sending a half naked picture then offered to send her a dick pic. From the op’s very first post on this thread, would you say that him offering to send a dickpic is what the op wanted from this guy? Did she ask him for one? No! So what’s the joke??
I’m sick of people making excuses for these pathetic jokes of a man and making it sound normal and like a ‘joke’! No woman who is looking for a relationship wants dick pics sent to her. I think at the very most, op sounds like she was trying to go along with it all to appease him and not cause a fall out because she ‘liked him’, not because she really wanted to see a dick pic or even felt it was a joke or remotely funny!

If two people are meeting for date, there’s contact morning of , end of story .
The OP was most certainly ghosted.

That's your rule. It might not be his.

No, it’s not my rule !
It’s normally what people do , especially if you’re going on a date .
There is contact morning of .
Also if I made plans to meet my friend a week in advance , one of us will always send a text that morning saying “ still ok for today ? “ .

I’m sorry but if you think that not responding to the op just before a date, even after she sent him a message that he never responded to, is ok….. and op should just take it the date is already ‘confirmed’ and turn up, only to find him not there must show how low your bar is for what you’re willing to tolerate from a man!

I wouldn't have gone without a confirmation either but I also would have text again saying wtf happened. I'd need closure even if it was some lame excuse.

That’s exactly what I thought, too.

I've never operated like this - I had plans for last Friday night, everything was finalised by Tuesday, there was no double-checking on the day?

For a date? With someone you've never met before from a dating app?

You said this
”Right? he confirmed the night before which for men is basically a 'see you there'. My other half will make plans a week before with a friend, they wont text again, and then they'll meet up at the agreed time/place with no drama.”

Basically telling the op that she should just accept his non response! You did not say you would have text again. Op did message him and he didn’t respond. So if he didn’t even bother to respond to it then he’s not going to turn up either, regardless of what you’re happy to accept from your other half.

The point is op DID double check and she was met with no response. I can’t understand why people are just excusing this guy’s behaviour. So are you saying op was wrong not to waste her time turning up to a date with a guy she messaged and he never responded to and never contacted her again??

I'm saying that for SOME PEOPLE this is sufficient. It wouldn't be for me, but I would have texted again after to find out what his lame excuse was, just to get that closure. Op didn't do that after the morning text unless I've missed an update from her.

That’s not what you said sorry! Also why should op validate him further by letting him know that him not turning up has bothered her. She’s got her ‘closure’ from the supportive people on this thread who have told op what he was after, what his intentions were and that she dodged a bullet. She doesn’t need any validation from him neither does she need to give the twat an ego boost by asking for ‘closure’ which he’s quite likely to lie about and manipulate op again anyway!

Well I don’t know one person who would rock up to a date without being in contact with one another that day .
Op was ghosted, so goes to show what having NC day of date results in .

Well said!

OP, I'm sorry you had this experience. Sounds exactly like a few guys I talked to. I guess I've got a spidey-sense now of when something's off (cancelling, not confirming on the day, and above all the sex talk). When they would cancel because of illness or whatever, or they just had to pause things for a while, friends thought I was being mean in assuming they were already in a relationship rather than anxious. They would usually come back one late night when they were drunk, to try and get some sexual gratification. But keep pursuing it. I'm ten years older than you, and no way that even I am too old to find a good relationship. Try different dating apps, Tinder/Hinge/Bumble were all useless for me, there's plenty out there to find the best one for you. I met my 30-year-old DP two years ago on OKCupid, we had lovely chats and met about a week later, he was nowhere near pushy and it's been brilliant, I just knew from the beginning that he was special, and too many times I'd had to just fend guys off who only wanted sex (I'm autistic and demisexual, I take a few months to really find attraction so they would be very disappointed anyway). My advice for if someone does this again - have a plan B to meet a friend if the date goes awry, I needed that to pick myself up sometimes.

I just wanted to say don't give up. I was in the same online dating cess pool for ages and a single parent like you and am now happily married to a man I met online in my late thirties. It really is a numbers game. Don't give up but also don't invest so much. Like others have said, speak to multiple men, minimal chat, minimal thinking about them, delete anyone who tries to talk about sex at the chat stage. Then meet for a coffee and bin if clear red flags. Date people who you wouldn't usually go for or find attractive or are shorter than you etc and write them off for red flags not superficial reasons. Try and take a less intense and more laid back approach which is easier said than done when you have been burnt before but you can do it. Hope you meet a genuinely lovely man.

Also to say that when a man is genuinely lovely you will automatically be more calm and laid back because the wont send mixed messages or do or say confusing things.