Dick Pic Comment Just Before 1st Date

[BrokenWingsCantFly]

I have been talking to this guy for nearly 2 months. He does shifts. We had a date planned a few weeks back, but he cancelled due to sickness. Tomorrow is our 1st free day to get that 1st date in. I was so looking forward to it but now I'm getting doubts.

He seems exactly what I am looking for. Good job (as do I), good looking, taller than me, seems to have the same views on many topics, we seem to have the same humour, both of us not really into nights out any more. Both close to family and want to do the same type of holidays.

I also liked that he didn't try to do sex talk. Which I have told him before I am glad about as I like to have got to know someone 1st and be actually physically involved with them before that. He sounded like he agreed. Well a few weeks on, last weekend we had both had a drink at home alone, and we got onto subject about pics. He said do I want him to send and almost nudes pic and he said not dick pics lol. He sent a photo of naked but covered his dick. I could tell it wasn't recent, but by god did he look hot and I told him so. Sent bikini snaps from holidays in exchange which are so PG they are on my Facebook.

Well anyway last night we had chats again as we have had every day, and he got a bit suggestive, we stuck to mild sex chat but nothing too explicit, then I said I need to sleep as had work in the morning. He said at the start of the night he was having a drink that night. I look at my phone in the morning and he had said goodnight, but then tried to continue the sex chat and ended with a message of its own saying he was going to send a dick pic never mind.

This has thrown me, I liked who he was to this point and he hadn't tried this sort of thing before last night. Why wait until just before we meet after all this time. He know my thoughts on nude photos, knew I was opposed. Maybe he meant it as a joke or a disappointment I cut off chat to go to sleep? I'm very black and white about this stuff, think autism contributes towards that thinking, but is this a me being too black and white or a pushing boundaries he knew about sort of thing?

After his cancellation last time, tomorrow was already down as a decision day. My worry now is nude photos are just not what I like. I know some people are into it and that is fine but they would not be suitable to me. If he sent photos to exes he had loved i could just pretend it didn't happen, but if he is sending photos to other girls he hasn't even met, then I don't want to be with someone who does this. Thinking if we got together, then many random strangers would have been having photos of my man. Yuk.

I messaged him back around lunchtime making a joke of it saying haha I don't want dick pics, then changing the chat. He hasn't read it since. But I know you can do preview of chats so maybe he thinks I'm too prude anyway

Who knows if he is married or in a couple but that would make you think "ahh makes sense" if he isnt then that could do more harm.. you might think what you done wrong. What's wrong with you. What signals you missed. And there you have it, analysing over someone not even in your life. So yes block and forget.
I used to chat to people for months online dating. I never had any intention of meeting. I would avoid the subject if brought up. I just wanted male conversation but wasnt ready for dating or casual relationship. Infact, I spoke to my dh for over 3 months!! I ended up really falling for him. Looking for his conversation, missing him when he was busy etc.

So who knows what this guys intention was. It could be so many things. But dont put all your eggs in one basket. Once youve met yes, I think you should but not at talking stage for months.

I do think the sex chat and bikini photo and his photo blurred the no dick pic or sex chat lines. Not saying it is right as he was trying to obv test you but I think you need to be clear. Im not saying unsolicited pics are okay. But to send pics not suitable for family or friends and then talk about sex defo blurs things. If you are against all of that or if youre not interested be firm and not engage until you want to or at least met.

Thank s

Yes it's definetly a mine field out there now,I think because of the amount of Social media and dating apps it's so,so easy to just pick up a phone and scroll to find hundreds and hundreds of people to 'choose from' and men like the one you were chatting to just exploit women who are genuinely looking for love and use dating apps to just get their kicks.
I know what you mean about the family thing,I have 2 sisters who both have great partners,my younger sister married her first ever boyfriend and they've been together for 25years now,3 boys who are now young adults and her husband worships the ground she walks on.My other sister has been with her partner for 23 years and he's a great man too,works hard,treats her well,pulls his weight etc.Then there's little old me who just picks the worst men 😖.
How are you feeling this morning OP? x

That I kind of get. But not all people who are ‘catfishes’ also want to exchange raunchy pictures or have sex chat either. He probably is years older than he claims to be but he still tried to get op to send a certain type of picture to him and he talked about sending a dick pic to her. So regardless of if he looked older now, he was purely on there for sex/ sex chat/ raunchy pictures and getting off on it without the intention of needing to meet anyone.

It is just hard work. Also hard to see others having everything you would like and wondering if your turn will come.

I usually give up trying for a long time in between chats after feeling like I have wasted time for nothing. But not this time. Some of the posters here saying it is a numbers game has spurred me on to keep trying and forget he ever existed.

Started talking to a lovely sounding guy last night. He rights really long messages like me. Focused on career and housing like me. Good looking from the photos, close to family, loves a holiday and no kids or no want for them. Will make sure this time no dragging it out for more than 3 weeks. I like to chat for a little while 1st but will be wanting a date by weekend after next. Onwards and upwards

Nah with it all. The sexual chat, the sending photos to each other, not even met in person yet.

Ahh, for the old fashioned dating game where went out for at least dinner first! 😂

Sorry, he doesn't want much else from you than sex. If that's what you are in to, fine but if not, chat to some new people...

Hes married , a catfish or both

You’re still considering meeting him?

omg your bar is set SO LOW!

stop wasting your time with idiots like him. Seriously

Hey, good luck with the new one!
He sounds promising @BrokenWingsCantFly

@BrokenWingsCantFly but if he is sending photos to other girls he hasn't even met, then I don't want to be with someone who does this. Thinking if we got together, then many random strangers would have been having photos of my man. Yuk.

Except that we all know that there are very few women who actually like receiving intimate pictures of men, or "dick pics."

He only sent you those photographs after you had a chat that went down a sexual path.

Given that women generally don't have sexual conversations with random men, and are very clear that they don't enjoy receiving intimate pictures of random men, then what on earth makes you think he would send unprompted pictures of himself to random women?

Good luck @BrokenWingsCantFly . I met dh online. I had to sift a few frogs before meeting my prince.

Definitely meet soon and date a few. Nothing serious until you know. That's what men do. Well the ones who are real.
You should try facetiming though. It's easy once you get used to it. Then you know it's them. But better to actually meet so you can see if there's chemistry?
Keep us posted as am hoping for a happy ending 😊

Who do men think the are? Nobody ever wants to see a manky beef olive- they know this as well. I always think it’s an assault.

Waiting so long to meet up and YOU seemingly like a prude is NO COINCIDENCE. He's waiting for the GO - AHEAD Before he's going forward with a rendezvous..... You need this message to sink in. It won't go any deeper into commitment. He wants a HOOK UP. This will drag out till you end it or agree to his suggestions.

What I do know about men is that if they really like you they 100 percent make the effort to meet you

distance , work won’t get in the way for a bloke who’s really interested in someone

2 months and you haven’t met him I don’t think you ever will

your a nice free ego boost for him
sexting , chatting pictures your most probably not the only one he’s chatting to

edited to say I just saw that you haven’t even FaceTimed him or had a video call with him

how do you even know he is who he says he is
he could be anyone
80 years old and 5ft with no teeth

I seriously wonder how some people navigate life

Anyone can put anything on a dating app

i could put a pic of someone else and say I love animals own my own business and who is going to know

wise up

meet up within a week or don’t bother
your already hyperventilating over prospect number 2

I am so confused with this.

It's been a couple of months and you haven't even met? Have you ever even spoken on the phone?! You were engaging in some sexual texting, sent "almost" nudes and then he mentioned as you signed off he was thinking of sending a dick pic and now you're turned off?

Did he ever get back to you with an explanation op?

You said you enjoyed the naked photo and you told him as much. Not really seeing what he's done wrong.

RTFT

She's actually moved on to a different man now.

OP I am old enough to be your mum at a push.
You allowed him to waste weeks and weeks of your time.
He’s out and the next one is in - writes loads like you.
You need a break from dating.
I love the advice from Maya Angelou stop crying so loudly, it alerts the neighbourhood wolf.
The first guy has upset you. I know it’s a numbers game but don’t go looking for another one the same day.
It is possible to meet someone online. You are only 38 just concentrate on your own life a bit.
These men are aware there are vulnerable and naive women out there. Don’t be one of them. Stop talking to someone for hours at a time at night, when they live reasonably nearby. Stop giving so much of yourself like this. You see it as connecting they don’t. Just because someone writes loads, that means very little.
Get out into the world and live a bit.
A really decent man wants to meet someone who is his equal, who lives their own full life. Create that life for yourself.
You already have a busy career and a DD and I know you will meet lots of people vis your work but maybe just take a step back until you have asserted your own interests a bit more.

Why did you say "haha no dick pics" - It sounds like you doubt yourself and feel like you have to be light and jokey about it otherwise tou risk sounding 'boring'. It smacks of you not being assertive enough. I also have this issue but am learning from a friend (who is far more up-front/assertive than me) that you need to be unapologetically you! No 'haha' in the message, just "No dick pics thank you, that really isn't my style, and if it's yours we probably aren't going to be suited". Don't leave any wriggle room.

I am a very confident person with a senior job and no neurodiversity, but I struggle with being very clear when I am dating so I do know that it's easier said than done, but when reading your post you do sound like you're doubting yourself more than you should be.

If this is genuinely the case you'll be a very part time part of his life.
Stuff that.

In the nicest possible way, don't read anything in to how good the new guy seemd on paper. It's meaningless. 9.9 times out of 10 it doesn't work out x

OP you really need to cut the messaging, focus on a couple of actual phone calls and meet up within a week or two.

Too many men get a kick out of messaging and smutty banter. It's a game for them, playing multiple women.

Raise your bar and don't send bikini pics, meet for a coffee early on and bin anyone who cancels a date- this guy has wasted far too much of your energy.

Read ALL by the OP.
He was a player- not genuine.

OP slow down

you have just over invested your time and energy to someone who was a waste of time now you are messaging a really nice guy again and with long messages

keep it casual going into so much information of what you want just tells them you are lonely and they will string you along

maybe old isn’t for you right now, it’s brutal you realky need to take everything they say with a pinch of salt until you actually know them (and that means have spent time together and they have shown you they have time for you in person not by sending you a message)