Dick Pic Comment Just Before 1st Date

[BrokenWingsCantFly]

I have been talking to this guy for nearly 2 months. He does shifts. We had a date planned a few weeks back, but he cancelled due to sickness. Tomorrow is our 1st free day to get that 1st date in. I was so looking forward to it but now I'm getting doubts.

He seems exactly what I am looking for. Good job (as do I), good looking, taller than me, seems to have the same views on many topics, we seem to have the same humour, both of us not really into nights out any more. Both close to family and want to do the same type of holidays.

I also liked that he didn't try to do sex talk. Which I have told him before I am glad about as I like to have got to know someone 1st and be actually physically involved with them before that. He sounded like he agreed. Well a few weeks on, last weekend we had both had a drink at home alone, and we got onto subject about pics. He said do I want him to send and almost nudes pic and he said not dick pics lol. He sent a photo of naked but covered his dick. I could tell it wasn't recent, but by god did he look hot and I told him so. Sent bikini snaps from holidays in exchange which are so PG they are on my Facebook.

Well anyway last night we had chats again as we have had every day, and he got a bit suggestive, we stuck to mild sex chat but nothing too explicit, then I said I need to sleep as had work in the morning. He said at the start of the night he was having a drink that night. I look at my phone in the morning and he had said goodnight, but then tried to continue the sex chat and ended with a message of its own saying he was going to send a dick pic never mind.

This has thrown me, I liked who he was to this point and he hadn't tried this sort of thing before last night. Why wait until just before we meet after all this time. He know my thoughts on nude photos, knew I was opposed. Maybe he meant it as a joke or a disappointment I cut off chat to go to sleep? I'm very black and white about this stuff, think autism contributes towards that thinking, but is this a me being too black and white or a pushing boundaries he knew about sort of thing?

After his cancellation last time, tomorrow was already down as a decision day. My worry now is nude photos are just not what I like. I know some people are into it and that is fine but they would not be suitable to me. If he sent photos to exes he had loved i could just pretend it didn't happen, but if he is sending photos to other girls he hasn't even met, then I don't want to be with someone who does this. Thinking if we got together, then many random strangers would have been having photos of my man. Yuk.

I messaged him back around lunchtime making a joke of it saying haha I don't want dick pics, then changing the chat. He hasn't read it since. But I know you can do preview of chats so maybe he thinks I'm too prude anyway

Regardless of what your bikini picture shows or didn’t show, you was half naked and as I’ve chatted to many random men on OLD, just the ‘imagination’ of wondering how the rest of your body would be is enough for these sort of men. Sorry to say that op but I’m just telling you from my experience exactly what some of these men who resort to sex chat and sending half naked pictures annd suggesting sending dick pics (as a joke - ha ha hilarious!) are like. There are many that will ask what you’re wearing… because they like to imagine it even if they can’t see it! They’re pathetic pervs unfortunately that are only on there either for the shits and giggles or only interested in sex. Like I said, if he was seriously looking for a relationship he wouldn’t have sent that half naked picture to you. He did that in the hope that you would validate his ego by telling him what he wanted to hear and also to try and encourage you to send him a similar one in return. I know exactly how they are and how they behave.

And yes I can guarantee you he will be chatting to many women not just you and seeing which one will send him a full frontal wearing nothing, then be nowhere to be seen when these poor women arrange a date with him.

Also always remember, anyone wanting sex chat or to exchange naked/ semi naked pictures very early on even before meeting = only after sex.

That makes sense. Thank you for taking the time to spell it out. I know now no PG rating is an ok alternative, if i don't want any sex chat nothing means nothing, not even PG

It also kind of confirmed my last night doubts, that maybe he was taking his last chance of trying for explicit pics before it is too late. Think I did express that concern somewhere up thread

Unfortunately what you thought was an innocent holiday picture, he will probably be seeing it as a more suggestive picture, albeit disappointed that he only got to see part of you. The best thing to do is just send fully clothed pictures until you have met them and slept with them. It will weed out the idiots from the more serious ones. Anyone serious isn’t going to be sending you naked pictures with their parts covered unfortunately. He has shown you how he is now. He had no intention of meeting you, just wanted the ‘fun’.

I don't think you've done anything wrong OP. It's not your fault that this bloke wasn't genuine. Please don't get sucked in to his next excuse. Don't give up. You only need 1 decent chap. Perhaps be wary of the alpha male types and give someone a bit more introverted/niche interests a chance?

I don't understand why you haven't met up by now, he sounds like a massive waste of time.

I expect @BrokenWingsCantFlyyou are feeling a bit shot tonight, just thank the Lord for three things, you didn’t send him the pics he was after, you didn’t set off on an abortive date and most importantly you are not him, some sad sap whose hobby in life isn’t learning an instrument, or mountaineering, or ice hockey - it’s stringing women along to get kick and thrills. You are worth a million of him.

For shot read shit.

I don’t think he’ll have the guts to contact you after that, but at long last at least you know he really is an asshole.
Your list of criteria seems quite rigid, perhaps be a bit more open minded, you might end up being quite surprised.

Thank you. I am feeling a bit shit tonight. My friend messaged asking if I wanted to go on a dog walk around our streets but feeling a bit too deflated. I'll be ok by tomorrow. It does feel more shit he hasn't even messaged to apologise. Dont make sense to me as I would never do this, how can you talk to someone every day for a couple of months but not even care enough to say 'sorry can't do this', guess another life lesson that many people just ain't that nice

This is just weird.

Yep I'm weird as fuck and no apologies for that as my weirdness is harmless and affects no one

Ps it is a fact that there are more drunk drivers on the road on weekends or around xmas

That is disgusting and against the law, it's called cyberflashing. If he ghosted you after you set a boundary you should report him to the police for being a disgusting sex crazed creep. Fuck I hate tinder so much every woman who has ever used Tinder deserves a purple heart medal.

And yes any man who sends a dickpic has zero serious intentions beyond sex or sex chat. BLOCK.

I absolutely agree with this. Don’t waste any more time texting, get on and meet. I’m afraid I could see it coming with this guy. The writing was on the wall.

I think those just weren't photos of him (or were photos from a long time ago and he doesn't look like that anymore) and that's why he couldn't meet you.

It happened to a male friend of mine years ago. The woman he had been talking to kept making excuses not to meet. When he did finally persuade her to meet she was not at all attractive and it turned out she had been using photos of her flatmate.

This would explain why you felt there was a connection but he won't meet up in real life.

Don't waste anymore headspace on him and good luck.

Thank you. I think the 1 photo he sent of him saying new haircut was a pic from that day. It did look different from the rest as the rest were obviously older. I still was attracted to him though and could tell from the eyes and facial features it was the same guy.
He sent that after the 1st cancelled date. I assume as a way of this is the real me. Then he probably messed his confidence in this date by sending the dated almost nude pic. Probably didn't feel confident to meet me as his now self again after that.

But anyway, no matter what his issues. He ruined my day, wasted weeks and weeks of time time, without an apology even so fuck him.

I can move on to someone else. He had a good shot with me as if he spoke to me I would have suggested ways to make it easier. I think he will just always be wasting time like this and bottling it last minute

I might be in the minority here but I wouldnt tell a man what I do and don't like too soon.

Just let him be himself and decide if you like it.

If you tell them you dont like xyz they'll just go "oh yeah yeah me too totally agree" and keep that up to get what they want. Eventually the mask slips as you have just found out.

Surely you can see that he is full of shit OP? He's paying lip service about not needing sex or being willing to wait because this echoes what you've expressed you want, then whenever he can he's engineering towards that anyway because that actually is what he hopes he will be able to persuade you into and hopes he can continue to escalate.

There's something very pathetic about a man storing posed nude pictures from god knows when on his phone in a gallery, clearly to send to women. The whole "I was going to send a dick pick never mind" isn't a joke, it's literally just him hoping you would agree to it.. This obviously gives him a kick. He will continue hinting at it until you give in.

I'd remember that you actually don't know him at all, he's just now starting to show who he actually is past the initial charm and pretence. Be sensible and don't send pictures of yourself in any state of undress to a stranger, even less so a pathetic perv who's happy to pressure you into agreeing to see pics of his horrid knob.

Sensible men who want a serious relationship with you do not send dick pics before you’re even together. Don’t bother.

Yes. But I wouldn't be too sure. This woman I was talking about sent up to date photos but of her flatmate. The photos you have seen could be photos of a friend, brother, flatmate or someone he follows on social media.

I guess what it comes down to is that until you meet someone in real life it is hard to know what is genuine and what is not. And with AI this is getting worse and worse.

As others have said don't get invested until you have met.

Also whilst you should never ever compromise you standards of wanting a good, decent man maybe look at some of your other criteria.

Depending on your age ruling out anyone who has a child might filter out quite a few men who might suit you.

Sadly I have a long term friend who does just this in never grown up. My empathy.

They totally lied and kept it hidden about getting married first time round that marriage lasted in excess a decade before they paid out to get out (divorced) and now they are set up to get married again in 6 months time to the person they were most probably having an affair with at same point whilst married, sending me disgusting pics claiming it is all down to their high libido (makes me angry) whilst being so secretive and lying. How do people do that?

I’ve fallen out with my friend before over topic this so don’t know what to suggest. A northern colleague years ago said I should get respect for myself and start playing said person at their own game and maybe find out they are hot air? But more recently their behaviour feels quite stalker-ish. How do people like this keep it from their partner?

This is such a long thread for someone who didnt even send a dic pick and for someone who didnt even have decency to cancel!!
Op, seriously, stop giving this man anymore of your time. Block, who cares what his excuse is. Do you really think this is the one?? After 2 months of messages... not even a phone call. That doesnt even scream red flags???

Block, move on and dont spend too long in the messages back and forth trap.

Well obviously I do not think he is the 1 now. But I did think we had potential. The night before i had doubts if his character that sparked this post.

I have done a lot of dating over the years, but this is a 1st experience for me that the dick pic suggestion come up so latez plus the longer chst time and the cancellations. Have been very glad of the posters who have helped me navigate this and also put thoughts into my mind I have dismissed but made me look further.

This post has shown me I may be more nieve than I realised. I shot down every suggestion that he could be married / already in a relationship. But looked back though or messages afterwards this cone up over and over on here and have realised all our messages where the solo 1 or 2 through the day, and only got into a. Ack and for after 8pm no matter what the shifts. This will make me look into things more sharply in the future.

Thank you mumsnetters

I know. It is young children I want to stear away from. I have done my time at kiddie parks. After reading so many step parent dramas on here that puts me off even more. If when my child was younger I had met a man with similar age children. I would have been open to it. But I don't think I would be as a good step mum now, that wouldn't be fare on the kids so I can't look over that boundary for their sake as well as my own and my potential partner. At this age that does mean the pool is narrow i know, but as much as I don't want another child in my life I do care for them enough to only get involved if I thought I could add something positive to their lives