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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dick Pic Comment Just Before 1st Date

273 replies

BrokenWingsCantFly · 17/04/2026 19:34

I have been talking to this guy for nearly 2 months. He does shifts. We had a date planned a few weeks back, but he cancelled due to sickness. Tomorrow is our 1st free day to get that 1st date in. I was so looking forward to it but now I'm getting doubts.

He seems exactly what I am looking for. Good job (as do I), good looking, taller than me, seems to have the same views on many topics, we seem to have the same humour, both of us not really into nights out any more. Both close to family and want to do the same type of holidays.

I also liked that he didn't try to do sex talk. Which I have told him before I am glad about as I like to have got to know someone 1st and be actually physically involved with them before that. He sounded like he agreed. Well a few weeks on, last weekend we had both had a drink at home alone, and we got onto subject about pics. He said do I want him to send and almost nudes pic and he said not dick pics lol. He sent a photo of naked but covered his dick. I could tell it wasn't recent, but by god did he look hot and I told him so. Sent bikini snaps from holidays in exchange which are so PG they are on my Facebook.

Well anyway last night we had chats again as we have had every day, and he got a bit suggestive, we stuck to mild sex chat but nothing too explicit, then I said I need to sleep as had work in the morning. He said at the start of the night he was having a drink that night. I look at my phone in the morning and he had said goodnight, but then tried to continue the sex chat and ended with a message of its own saying he was going to send a dick pic never mind.

This has thrown me, I liked who he was to this point and he hadn't tried this sort of thing before last night. Why wait until just before we meet after all this time. He know my thoughts on nude photos, knew I was opposed. Maybe he meant it as a joke or a disappointment I cut off chat to go to sleep? I'm very black and white about this stuff, think autism contributes towards that thinking, but is this a me being too black and white or a pushing boundaries he knew about sort of thing?

After his cancellation last time, tomorrow was already down as a decision day. My worry now is nude photos are just not what I like. I know some people are into it and that is fine but they would not be suitable to me. If he sent photos to exes he had loved i could just pretend it didn't happen, but if he is sending photos to other girls he hasn't even met, then I don't want to be with someone who does this. Thinking if we got together, then many random strangers would have been having photos of my man. Yuk.

I messaged him back around lunchtime making a joke of it saying haha I don't want dick pics, then changing the chat. He hasn't read it since. But I know you can do preview of chats so maybe he thinks I'm too prude anyway

OP posts:
WeirdyBeardyMarrowBabyLady · 17/04/2026 19:37

Are you absolutely sure he’s not married?

Luckykittycat · 17/04/2026 19:37

Might be alone in thinking this but I think when you were happy with him sending the photo of him baring all (bar his dick) you blurred the lines a bit.

Periandtired · 17/04/2026 19:38

He's breached a boundary you set. It may be nothing but it could be testing to see what he can get away with. You could still go on the date and see what he's like in person, but you'll need to be careful with this one and make sure he doesn't continue to push.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 17/04/2026 19:39

I think I would throw this one back, but you confused matters because you encouraged the first naked photo. He was always going to keep pushing your boundaries.

PurpleDiamond34 · 17/04/2026 19:40

It's instantly gives me ick when guys I've chatted to, or not at at all, turn suggestive or sexual. Puts me off and I think it's gross, because they will clearly be doing that with anyone and everyone and I think it's predatory behaviour so early on. You've said you don't like it and he obviously thinks he is an exception to the rule. Massive red flag.

Greenwriter76 · 17/04/2026 19:43

I would be interested to know if you do end up meeting him OP, given you’ve been talking for 2 months and he cancelled the last time due to illness…

BrokenWingsCantFly · 17/04/2026 19:43

Luckykittycat · 17/04/2026 19:37

Might be alone in thinking this but I think when you were happy with him sending the photo of him baring all (bar his dick) you blurred the lines a bit.

Yeah I'm thinking that, but in the chat around that though I did say I wouldn't be sending anything but a holiday bikini pic back, and he said don't worry not a dick pic and I said Good. But you got me thinking I should have just said no to the almost naked pic too

OP posts:
ExperiencedTeacher · 17/04/2026 19:44

Hold on, did he actually send a dick pic? I get the impression he didn’t? Seems like he was a bit drunk and just being silly.

BrokenWingsCantFly · 17/04/2026 19:45

WeirdyBeardyMarrowBabyLady · 17/04/2026 19:37

Are you absolutely sure he’s not married?

Pretty sure, what makes you think that?

OP posts:
logiccalls · 17/04/2026 19:46

Sending such pictures, uninvited, is legally an offence.
However, it was common practice, and a lot of men/boys will have done it in the past. As others have said, you have confused the boundaries by your response.

ExtraOnions · 17/04/2026 19:48

…so he didn’t actually send a picture ?

LauraJaneGrace · 17/04/2026 19:50

BrokenWingsCantFly · 17/04/2026 19:45

Pretty sure, what makes you think that?

Two months and he's not had time to meet up???

BrokenWingsCantFly · 17/04/2026 19:52

ExperiencedTeacher · 17/04/2026 19:44

Hold on, did he actually send a dick pic? I get the impression he didn’t? Seems like he was a bit drunk and just being silly.

No he didn't. I had already said I'm going to sleep. He said a few messages back then said and i was going to send a dick pic never mind. It was at the point of chat seemed to be leading sexual, I give a little around sure we would have fun and maybe 1 day. Not wanting to get involved with it going too far, but at the same time not wanting to seem like I don't think about sex at all. I thought I done it just right. Then followed with the going to sleep now to shit it down. Dont know if the 'I was going to send a sick pic' was a message to get me back into it, or if it was a joke, or if it was a suggestion that he thought maybe i was running away from the mild sex chat, as in I was hardly going to do that but you ran off

OP posts:
BrokenWingsCantFly · 17/04/2026 19:55

ExtraOnions · 17/04/2026 19:48

…so he didn’t actually send a picture ?

No he didn't. Dont think he would without my permission. My worry is that Iif i said yes when we havnt even met, he might have. So how many people would have his dick pics.
That thought grosses me out

OP posts:
JazzyAmbs · 17/04/2026 19:59

I think he meant it as a joke. Not particularly funny. Not sure why men think we need to see this or that they look visually attractive! (Said as a straight sexually active woman - I just think they are fucking ugly - like an angry worm as my doctor friend once described!)

BloodyHellBob · 17/04/2026 19:59

Hang on, I don’t think you blurred any lines. Pictures of you in a bikini that you’re happy to post on social media is way different to him sending you a dick pic. You told him you didn’t want explicit photos but he decided to push back (doesn’t matter if he was having a drink, that’s no excuse). Please don’t start to doubt your boundaries. If he doesn’t get back to you today then I would be proactive and block him.

BrokenWingsCantFly · 17/04/2026 19:59

LauraJaneGrace · 17/04/2026 19:50

Two months and he's not had time to meet up???

He has genuinely had shifts that means he can't be available in the times I am free and would like to meet. We live quite a distance so wanted to do the 1st date somewhere in between but in the weekend daytimes. The weekends he has been working the days we message all night, but I wouldn't want to be driving around that time of night on the weekend when drunk drivers are more of a risk. It part to do with my weirdness too

OP posts:
sallymonella · 17/04/2026 19:59

JazzyAmbs · 17/04/2026 19:59

I think he meant it as a joke. Not particularly funny. Not sure why men think we need to see this or that they look visually attractive! (Said as a straight sexually active woman - I just think they are fucking ugly - like an angry worm as my doctor friend once described!)

Edited

I agree with this, sounds like a joke to me.

BrokenWingsCantFly · 17/04/2026 20:02

JazzyAmbs · 17/04/2026 19:59

I think he meant it as a joke. Not particularly funny. Not sure why men think we need to see this or that they look visually attractive! (Said as a straight sexually active woman - I just think they are fucking ugly - like an angry worm as my doctor friend once described!)

Edited

Haha yeah, ugly worm I havnt heard before but sums it up

OP posts:
youalright · 17/04/2026 20:05

Why do men think women like this. I might be in the minority i don't know but I hate when men send dick pics it just grosses me out.

Netcurtainnelly · 17/04/2026 20:10

put the phones down and stop sending pics.

LauraJaneGrace · 17/04/2026 20:11

BrokenWingsCantFly · 17/04/2026 19:59

He has genuinely had shifts that means he can't be available in the times I am free and would like to meet. We live quite a distance so wanted to do the 1st date somewhere in between but in the weekend daytimes. The weekends he has been working the days we message all night, but I wouldn't want to be driving around that time of night on the weekend when drunk drivers are more of a risk. It part to do with my weirdness too

Hmmm.
Please be careful OP.
Maybe he is genuine, but I really do have reservations about people texting back and forth for such a long time before meeting.
It establishes false intimacy.

Shitmonger · 17/04/2026 20:14

I also liked that he didn't try to do sex talk. Which I have told him before I am glad about as I like to have got to know someone 1st and be actually physically involved with them before that.

he got a bit suggestive, we stuck to mild sex chat but nothing too explicit

I think you muddied the waters quite a bit. Don’t like sex talk, actually just want to get to know him first but fine to sex talk after that, then chatting for two months, then engaging with his mild sex talk. Men typically hear what they want to hear, so if you say “yes, but” he’s only going to hear the yes. Just make it a firm No from the start. If you decide later down the line that you want to he’s not going to complain about it.

That said, I wouldn’t meet him as I don’t like sexting and I sure af don’t like dick pics. (“Angry worm” is a hilariously accurate description too. 😂)

Velvetandleather · 17/04/2026 20:15

He didn’t send one and he sent s partial nude and you sent a partial nude, let’s face it. Thays what a bikini is. I’m not sure what he’s done wrong. If he sent one, yes it would be an issue, but it reads like a joke to me.

Flyingintotheunknown · 17/04/2026 20:23

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news op. But if you have never met him and only been chatting for a couple of months and he’s already sending you (almost) naked pictures and you’re sending him bikini pictures in exchange then I’m afraid all he sees you as is nothing more than a fuck buddy! As a pp suggested, you blurred the lines when you encouraged him after him sending the first picture and you sending him bikini pictures.

A word of advice…. If a guy starts talking sexual before you’ve even met and is wanting to send you naked pictures from the get go (yes that means before you’ve even met and been chatting for 2 months) then unfortunately it’s not a relationship he’s wanting, it’s sex. What you also need to think about is what he’s doing with your pictures that you sent. You do realise men like this will be chatting to many other women, not just you… and may even be possibly sharing your bikini snaps with his mates. One thing I can assure you of, regardless of the fact he didn't jump into sex talk right away, is that now he has found he can push your boundaries, he won’t be interested in a relationship.