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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dick Pic Comment Just Before 1st Date

273 replies

BrokenWingsCantFly · 17/04/2026 19:34

I have been talking to this guy for nearly 2 months. He does shifts. We had a date planned a few weeks back, but he cancelled due to sickness. Tomorrow is our 1st free day to get that 1st date in. I was so looking forward to it but now I'm getting doubts.

He seems exactly what I am looking for. Good job (as do I), good looking, taller than me, seems to have the same views on many topics, we seem to have the same humour, both of us not really into nights out any more. Both close to family and want to do the same type of holidays.

I also liked that he didn't try to do sex talk. Which I have told him before I am glad about as I like to have got to know someone 1st and be actually physically involved with them before that. He sounded like he agreed. Well a few weeks on, last weekend we had both had a drink at home alone, and we got onto subject about pics. He said do I want him to send and almost nudes pic and he said not dick pics lol. He sent a photo of naked but covered his dick. I could tell it wasn't recent, but by god did he look hot and I told him so. Sent bikini snaps from holidays in exchange which are so PG they are on my Facebook.

Well anyway last night we had chats again as we have had every day, and he got a bit suggestive, we stuck to mild sex chat but nothing too explicit, then I said I need to sleep as had work in the morning. He said at the start of the night he was having a drink that night. I look at my phone in the morning and he had said goodnight, but then tried to continue the sex chat and ended with a message of its own saying he was going to send a dick pic never mind.

This has thrown me, I liked who he was to this point and he hadn't tried this sort of thing before last night. Why wait until just before we meet after all this time. He know my thoughts on nude photos, knew I was opposed. Maybe he meant it as a joke or a disappointment I cut off chat to go to sleep? I'm very black and white about this stuff, think autism contributes towards that thinking, but is this a me being too black and white or a pushing boundaries he knew about sort of thing?

After his cancellation last time, tomorrow was already down as a decision day. My worry now is nude photos are just not what I like. I know some people are into it and that is fine but they would not be suitable to me. If he sent photos to exes he had loved i could just pretend it didn't happen, but if he is sending photos to other girls he hasn't even met, then I don't want to be with someone who does this. Thinking if we got together, then many random strangers would have been having photos of my man. Yuk.

I messaged him back around lunchtime making a joke of it saying haha I don't want dick pics, then changing the chat. He hasn't read it since. But I know you can do preview of chats so maybe he thinks I'm too prude anyway

OP posts:
asdbaybeeee · 18/04/2026 07:39

It sounds like he would be happy to do nudes etc but is aware you are not. The lines got slightly blurred when you both did almost nudes so he’s pushed a little (possibly due to inhibitions being lowered) and didn’t do it because he got no response. If he had just sent it anyway that would be different.
Thats different to the men on these sites who are sending pictures within a few messages without consent.
2 months is a while to be chatting without meeting but the reasons make sense, if he cancels again I’d stop communication.

AlongtheWall · 18/04/2026 07:40

What do you mean talking? You mean texting?

I would never get this involved with someone I hadn’t met. You actually don’t know anything about him at all for sure. You’ve never met. You don’t know this man.

Also why anyone would swap risky photos with someone they didn’t fully know and trust I’ll never understand.

Most of the time with online dating if you haven’t met early on for a quick coffee then you never will (I know there are exceptions).

DrinkReprehensibly · 18/04/2026 07:51

I agree with pp that you're reading a lot into one sentence. Personally I often accidentally type the total opposite of what I mean on my phone due to auto complete. What if he was trying to defend himself and meant to type "I wasn't going to send a dick pic" as a kind of "don't worry, I understand you don't like that stuff" type of sentence? I guess this just demonstrates how hard it is to know someone's true intentions over text. I hope you get to meet and see if he's okay in real life. I think you can afford to be forgiving if the thing he has done wrong so far is a sentence in a text. Get more evidence first but be open to things going either way.

Dollymylove · 18/04/2026 07:59

Grow up and stop giving out mixed messages. You're acting like a 16 year old

sunnydisaster · 18/04/2026 08:05

I’d still meet him, he didn’t actually send the pic did he?

Pumpkinmagic · 18/04/2026 08:09

You just need to get on and meet. This has dragged on too long. You might meet and instantly have the instant feeling of no not for me, in which case all this has been a waste of time. When dating you just need to get out there and meet in person and do it fairly soon, it’s the only way you’ll know if you want to get to know each other better.

DreamyJade · 18/04/2026 08:10

(Semi) nudes to one side, if you haven’t been able to organise a date in two months, I’d suggest this has no legs. Even if you see him today, will it be two months until you see him again? I wouldn’t want to start something with a bloke who was only free once every two months.

iamnotalemon · 18/04/2026 12:03

13RidgmontRoad · 18/04/2026 06:39

Chatting to people virtually is such a waste of time. Just meet up, deciding if you like each other is much easier face to face

This with unsolicited knobs on.

🤣

iamnotalemon · 18/04/2026 12:04

EdinaMonsoonsWardrobe · 18/04/2026 06:47

A decent man does not send pictures (or have them on his profile) topless, half naked or anything other than wearing normal clothes in a normal photograph. He also doesn't mention sex or intimacy at all before meeting the lady.

Ever.

Sadly these men are few and far between (from my experience).

NorthernJim · 18/04/2026 13:47

I don't think he's done anything wrong here, you're being over sensitive. After you told him you weren't up for sexting before meeting you then say you both sent sexual messages to each other. You even exchanged semi nude photo's, with full consent from both sides. And then all he's done is (with a bit of dutch courage possibly) told you he was prepared to send you a dick pic. He didn't actually send one, and it sounds like he wouldn't have unless you consented to receive it anyway.

Personally, I think both have you have gone to far by sexual messaging sharing semi intimate pictures before you've even met each other. I wouldn't go any further than a bit of mild flirting/suggestive banter with someone I've never met in person.

WeirdyBeardyMarrowBabyLady · 18/04/2026 16:10

Is the meeting on?

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 18/04/2026 16:23

I also liked that he didn't try to do sex talk. Which I have told him before I am glad about as I like to have got to know someone 1st and be actually physically involved with them before that.
Clearly not as you were encouraging of the nearly naked pic 🤔
You've blurred the lines here and it's unfair to put that on him. It's either a clear boundary for you or it isn't, decide which and stick with it.

BrokenWingsCantFly · 18/04/2026 16:43

Well he messaging last night saying he is excited for our date, we confirmed times and place. I messaged him an hour before due to leave (2 hours before the date) and nothing. Hasn't even read it. What a waste of time

OP posts:
Mama2many73 · 18/04/2026 16:45

I immediately thought he was testing the water to see your reaction and i dont like that sort of behaviour, and why does he have a non recent naked photo of himself to send to you, even if he covered up parts, it was still a naked pic, and as for others saying a bikini pic is basically the same...erm no its not.

BrokenWingsCantFly · 18/04/2026 16:54

Mama2many73 · 18/04/2026 16:45

I immediately thought he was testing the water to see your reaction and i dont like that sort of behaviour, and why does he have a non recent naked photo of himself to send to you, even if he covered up parts, it was still a naked pic, and as for others saying a bikini pic is basically the same...erm no its not.

I agree. The bikini shot was actually my Facebook profile photo for a spell. Just my top half, hair tied back, no makeup on but an absolutely stunning background from holidays.

He had a towel covering bits and i have seen men put up similar photos to show off gym progress, so it didn't really feel too much like pushing boundaries. Apart from saying eachother looks fit there was not much chat about them.

He's bottled it to meet me now anyway, so that is the end of that. Last time we tried he had been saying he is really nervous, then his illness sounded very much like nervous belly to me. If he knew he wouldn't be brave enough, then shouldn't have wasted my time. I could have gone out today on a daytrip with others. Missed out now for nothing.

OP posts:
Velvetandleather · 18/04/2026 17:04

Well you’ve not met in 2 months, have you face timed this man? Are you sure he is who he claimed to be?

Swiftie1878 · 18/04/2026 17:06

Yeah, have you just been messaging? Or FaceTiming? Have you actually ‘seen’ him?!

This guy is a catfish, married arsehole.

StarCourt · 18/04/2026 17:08

Greenwriter76 · 17/04/2026 19:43

I would be interested to know if you do end up meeting him OP, given you’ve been talking for 2 months and he cancelled the last time due to illness…

Edited

Absolutely this. I don’t think he has any intention to
meet

BrokenWingsCantFly · 18/04/2026 17:12

Yeah I'm pretty sure. His photo he sent 1 day of him on that day looked less flattering than the others, but could still see it was the same guy. And still was attracted to him.

Have googled all photos and none come up as a match to anything else, so isn't using stock imagines or stealing someone's image.

I also said I was going to x place 1 day. He said he was working in a very near place and I should go there as would see him. But I had my DD with me so didn't want to see him. Plus he working anyway so would have been awkward

OP posts:
HisBlueEyes · 18/04/2026 17:19

You are hugely over-thinking and investing way too much energy in this. A guy like this will be chatting to multiple women and is chasing sex. He probably blew you out last time to see someone else for sex and just said he was ill. A decent guy won't mention sex at all before they have even met you. Nothing wrong with meeting up with this type of guy if you only want a bit of fun but it sounds like you are looking for someone decent. Also coppers on dating apps are the worse.

BrokenWingsCantFly · 18/04/2026 17:21

Swiftie1878 · 18/04/2026 17:06

Yeah, have you just been messaging? Or FaceTiming? Have you actually ‘seen’ him?!

This guy is a catfish, married arsehole.

Just messaging. I hate phonecalls so I was glad he wasn't pushing for calls. The only person I like speaking to on the phone is my mum. Not good for weeding out catfishes, but I really hate calls.

I usually do the social media stalk. In this case now social media to stalk but done reverse imaging search. Every date I go on is in a public place of my choosing. I do also like to be talking a few weeks first to see if any batshit stuff comes up, that has weeded out a few crazy in the past. As of yet I haven't met anyone who wasn't the real person.

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 18/04/2026 17:22

BrokenWingsCantFly · 18/04/2026 17:21

Just messaging. I hate phonecalls so I was glad he wasn't pushing for calls. The only person I like speaking to on the phone is my mum. Not good for weeding out catfishes, but I really hate calls.

I usually do the social media stalk. In this case now social media to stalk but done reverse imaging search. Every date I go on is in a public place of my choosing. I do also like to be talking a few weeks first to see if any batshit stuff comes up, that has weeded out a few crazy in the past. As of yet I haven't met anyone who wasn't the real person.

I think you have. This married man. Sorry. x

MissSophiaGrace · 18/04/2026 17:24

Totally married and only after sex. Probably better that you didn't meet in the end. I would never message for that long, at least have phone calls or facetime.

BrokenWingsCantFly · 18/04/2026 17:34

HisBlueEyes · 18/04/2026 17:19

You are hugely over-thinking and investing way too much energy in this. A guy like this will be chatting to multiple women and is chasing sex. He probably blew you out last time to see someone else for sex and just said he was ill. A decent guy won't mention sex at all before they have even met you. Nothing wrong with meeting up with this type of guy if you only want a bit of fun but it sounds like you are looking for someone decent. Also coppers on dating apps are the worse.

It really didn't feel like that. Cant say it isn't a possibility. But in all the hours neither of us were working or sleeping or me doing other things, we were chatting. We both have sleep issues so was good to have someone to talk to during the hours most are sleeping.

The illness was the shits. He had said how nervous he was the night before our last plan. I use to have massive anxiety in the past (now on medication for it), so even though I didn't tell him so, I knew that anxiety and nerves could cause that. He was talking to me all that day so don't think he was with anyone else.

There are other signs he just don't do well in social situations. He doesn't seem to do much apart from family visits. Works out at home saying he can't do crowds. I would think but his job must mean he should be OK, but I was a bar staff and then in a professional role where I have to portray confidence, but would be having panic attacks going into an unfamiliar place even meeting friends i have known for years. So guess I saw a bit of myself in what he said so made allowances I probably shouldn't have. I have done a lot to work past my issues so I can do things now

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 18/04/2026 17:37

BrokenWingsCantFly · 18/04/2026 17:34

It really didn't feel like that. Cant say it isn't a possibility. But in all the hours neither of us were working or sleeping or me doing other things, we were chatting. We both have sleep issues so was good to have someone to talk to during the hours most are sleeping.

The illness was the shits. He had said how nervous he was the night before our last plan. I use to have massive anxiety in the past (now on medication for it), so even though I didn't tell him so, I knew that anxiety and nerves could cause that. He was talking to me all that day so don't think he was with anyone else.

There are other signs he just don't do well in social situations. He doesn't seem to do much apart from family visits. Works out at home saying he can't do crowds. I would think but his job must mean he should be OK, but I was a bar staff and then in a professional role where I have to portray confidence, but would be having panic attacks going into an unfamiliar place even meeting friends i have known for years. So guess I saw a bit of myself in what he said so made allowances I probably shouldn't have. I have done a lot to work past my issues so I can do things now

He’s a copper who can’t do crowds? Yeah, right….

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