Dick Pic Comment Just Before 1st Date

[BrokenWingsCantFly]

I have been talking to this guy for nearly 2 months. He does shifts. We had a date planned a few weeks back, but he cancelled due to sickness. Tomorrow is our 1st free day to get that 1st date in. I was so looking forward to it but now I'm getting doubts.

He seems exactly what I am looking for. Good job (as do I), good looking, taller than me, seems to have the same views on many topics, we seem to have the same humour, both of us not really into nights out any more. Both close to family and want to do the same type of holidays.

I also liked that he didn't try to do sex talk. Which I have told him before I am glad about as I like to have got to know someone 1st and be actually physically involved with them before that. He sounded like he agreed. Well a few weeks on, last weekend we had both had a drink at home alone, and we got onto subject about pics. He said do I want him to send and almost nudes pic and he said not dick pics lol. He sent a photo of naked but covered his dick. I could tell it wasn't recent, but by god did he look hot and I told him so. Sent bikini snaps from holidays in exchange which are so PG they are on my Facebook.

Well anyway last night we had chats again as we have had every day, and he got a bit suggestive, we stuck to mild sex chat but nothing too explicit, then I said I need to sleep as had work in the morning. He said at the start of the night he was having a drink that night. I look at my phone in the morning and he had said goodnight, but then tried to continue the sex chat and ended with a message of its own saying he was going to send a dick pic never mind.

This has thrown me, I liked who he was to this point and he hadn't tried this sort of thing before last night. Why wait until just before we meet after all this time. He know my thoughts on nude photos, knew I was opposed. Maybe he meant it as a joke or a disappointment I cut off chat to go to sleep? I'm very black and white about this stuff, think autism contributes towards that thinking, but is this a me being too black and white or a pushing boundaries he knew about sort of thing?

After his cancellation last time, tomorrow was already down as a decision day. My worry now is nude photos are just not what I like. I know some people are into it and that is fine but they would not be suitable to me. If he sent photos to exes he had loved i could just pretend it didn't happen, but if he is sending photos to other girls he hasn't even met, then I don't want to be with someone who does this. Thinking if we got together, then many random strangers would have been having photos of my man. Yuk.

I messaged him back around lunchtime making a joke of it saying haha I don't want dick pics, then changing the chat. He hasn't read it since. But I know you can do preview of chats so maybe he thinks I'm too prude anyway

Well he isn't doing good at getting only sex if all he can handle is the chats.
At least i know now anyway. Will miss having that someone there to talk to each day and into the early hours that made me feel less alone. But I want a real thing and not a fantasy. Too old to be wasting time on something going nowhere

Block his number now and move on. You have no idea if he was a copper or if those pictures were of him.

I was a bar staff in the busiest pub in the city who couldn't do crowds. Still seek out quiet places. Would have regular panic and anxiety attacks for something as simple as going into a shop i don't feel comfortable in, but then be able to push through the crowds on a matchday in work. In work i came across as mega confident because it was my role, my act, like I had a whole new persona while there, so I can actually believe it. Didn't even have to have the uniform

Police recruitment is a little more stringent than bar workers’.

Would definitely think he’s in a relationship or married.

I'm waiting to hear what the excuse is, but then will tell him I'm done now and that will be it.

After reading some of these responses I'm kind of wanting to ask is he in a relationship, even though I don't think so with the time he has put into our chats. Or maybe I should just say he has had his chance, I give him a 2nd shot which was obviously a mistake but won't be wasting any more time on him now.

I’d assume cat fish, sorry op. I don’t think he ever intended to meet you. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t him, but possibly him 30 years ago.

sure, talking can weed out the crazies, it can also give the crazies more time with you. Actually meeting them face to face is imoortanr so you shouldn’t wait more than a week or two.

and him saying come in you will see me is nonsense, you know this, he’d just say oh sorry I must have nipped out.

Yes, obviously. But both you need to be able to potray confidence. I wouldn't have got the job if I couldn't fake it. And I faked it very well. No one would have had a clue. My point was that people can sometimes fake confidence for roles, when outside these environments they may find social situations very difficult. I am still that way minus the panic attacks. I go into work in high level meetings and confidently fight our corner. The job description days need to be confident, but outside of work I still find social situations difficult. Not as bad as before due to the meds I'm on. But it is still there. Very recently my manager said I am like different people in different offices, 1 office I am confident and feel like home. The other I am quieter. I was gutted because I thought I was masking OK on both. Almost like I been found out. He was saying this as a negative in my performance. It is really hard for someone who isn't like the masses. But many are fighting to try and carry on not noticed and devastated if someone sees past the mask. That goes for all roles

Yeah maybe, and maybe he also knew i wouldn't because I was with DD

My gut says he’s trying to push boundaries and make it an online sex relationship. Very weird he isnt desperate to meet.
Id say quite firmly “I know you were drunk but I really dont like that” and if he cancels again then youre done.

Hang on a minute - unless I’ve misunderstood - you arranged details, like time/place etc last night, then you messaged him a few hours ago, and he hasn’t read it? Why does this mean the date is off? Maybe he just hadn’t looked at his phone for a while but was still planning to meet up?

Sorry if I have misconstrued something

I messaged him 2 hours before the date, so 1 hour before I would have to leave, to confirm we are still on. Even in friend situations we always do this.

He didn't read it or message me all day today, so I wasn't going to head off on a 45 min journey that could be pointless. He hasn't even read it or messaged me now a couple of hours on from the planned date time . I told him him the last date he cancelled that I wasn't mad enough to be heading off on an hour and a half trip without hearing from him that day beforehand, then he messaged back, said he had the shits (said lot of poo) and had been leaving it long as possible hoping he would be better. So he knew 100% ahead of today's date I would not have just turned up there without a message 1st, just hoping for the best.

What an absolute piece of shit he is,see it as a blessing OP that you've dodged a bullet.
I've been single for nearly 4 years now and have no interest in meeting anyone,mainly because there's too many of these lying scumbags out there.
They make me sick.

Honestly, if you didn't see it coming I'm surprised. I met my husband of 15 years on Tinder. We matched, I sent a message he replied. We met a day or two later and that was that. Prior to that I once met ten people on one Saturday for coffee it's a numbers game OP. Unless you are looking for a pen pal rather than a relationship you need to change tactics

In the future I wouldn’t chat for more than a week at the VERY most. Then arrange a quick meet asap, preferably the whole thing (chat and first meet) would be within about five days.

If they cannot meet in that short timeframe then they chose to ignore the option to pause their profile.

And if they cancel for whatever reason, say ‘oh I’m sorry to hear that, get better soon’ and nothing more. If they want to rearrange it’s up to them to do that all by themselves. They’re big boys now, not primary school children.

Agree. Dating is really shit. I just don't seem to be able to do it right. I think I am wanting a needle in the haystack, then when someone seems to fit all the impossible boxes, I do think wow this could really be something. I got excited, let my guard down. Feeling really gutted now. Can't be arsed to continue this get to know someone, find out it is just shit, rinse and repeat. Just want to find my person who I can do nice things with and we support eachother through life's shit. Growing up I assumed everyone just ends up getting that. But I am 38 now and have never experienced a full sharing life with someone. I just think it isn't going to happen for me unfortunately

Thank you. Inspiring success story. This is what i need to do. Been looking through tinder after this shit though and there isn't many I would like. Maybe I need to be less fussy, but I don't want someone with young kids, or someone who wants to have kids, that narrows the pool significantly. I want someone with a good job to be able to do the things I can do without me having to sub them. Also don't want them obsessed with work. Also don't want someone out on the piss every weekend. Don't want someone who needs attention from other women or too obsessed with social media. Also that attraction has to be there and would prefer taller than me. This guy ticked all those boxes but most don't. And i don't know what on that list i could even consider compromising on as they all seem vital

You had sexy messages and sent each other half naked photos? Mixed messages or what

I completelty understand what you mean,that's what I always thought growing up too and I'll be 50 in June and still yet to meet a good and genuine man!.
I haven't tried online dating since 2010 but even back then they were all full of shit or just after sex.Its definetly not that there's something wrong with us,it's them that's the problem!
I know the feeling all too well of getting invested and thinking this may be going somewhere then having the rug completelty pulled from underneath you,it's a horrible feeling and I think that's why I have no desire to dip my toe in the dating pool ever again.I like to call it Self Preservation!

You don’t need to be less fussy at all. I don’t think you’re asking for a lot from what you have said.
if this guy messages you again, please please don’t give him another chance - sounds like he’s had enough.

I think he was stringing you along, he just wanted you to send nude pictures, never had any intention of meeting you. Good job you didn’t do that. He is probably in a relationship and you are a diversion, or a social misfit who gets his jollies toying with people.

It really is shit. I have always took a really long time between relationships or even just dating. I find the whole experience exhausting, and struggling with mental health i need to protect myself in between to make sure I am in a good place going forward. I do think it is just luck if you find your person. For example in my family it was for a long time seen as something I was doing wrong that I hadn't found my 1 by now. Accused of going for the wrong type, when every single man has been very different. Then my SIL who had been in a relationship she thought was for life, so 1 of the ones seen as doing it right, her relationship broke down and she had now been single 15 years. Not for lack of trying. The good relationships I see in my family, the ones who have succeeded. I know if they broke down they would be struggling just as much to find that again. Of course some people do manage this, lucky them

Thank you. No I won't give him a other chance. I'm curious to see what he comes out with, but I am really done with him now. Shame as I thought this could have been something

Look op, all he has been doing is chatting to you for shits and giggles. He sent you a suggestive picture in the hope you would send him one back and you did! He will be no doubt using that as wank material now. He is had no intention of meeting you after the first time he cancelled. I do know that there are men with gf’s and wives who use dating apps just to try and get women to send provocative pictures without the need to meet up. He isn’t interested in you and that was made quite clear when he started talking about dick pics and sent you a half naked pictures of himself. Even if him suggesting he would send you a dick pic was a ‘joke’ it’s not the sort of joke a serious, self respecting man who is serious about a relationship would joke about and it completely shows his lack of respect for you unfortunately.
You seemed to have developed this ideal of him in your head and probably fantasied about how great your relationship with him will be without ever meeting him in person. All he wants to do is chat to random women and get provocative pictures from them and have sex chat with them. He will be chatting to many more than just you. You have already said the half naked picture he sent you was not a recent one. He will be sending that same picture to multiple women. I bet if you blocked him and then somehow came across him again on a dating app 12 months later he will have forgotten who you are and will send the same picture to you again… because he sends it to everyone and has been doing for a long time. Don’t be so naive to think he only sends these pictures to you, especially if some of them are out of date. Men who chat to multiple women usually send the same old out of date pictures to everyone… for years!

He already got what he wanted from you when you sent him your bikini pic.

I agree with a lot of what you said. That his old pic has probably been sent out to many, and that maybe he had no intention to meet, can hardly deny that when he hasn't met me on this and chance.

However he has not got what you say he would want from me. My bikini shot was my Facebook profile pic for a while, as it is not a sexy OTT pic. No makeup, hair tied up in a pony. Top half only. Not sexy wank material. Anyone on the holiday with me could have got a more exposed photo than the photo I have sent. I have no regrets sending it as I don't give a shit who sees it, hence being a public profile photo. Yeah I look good. But not an explicit photo at all.