Dick Pic Comment Just Before 1st Date

[BrokenWingsCantFly]

I have been talking to this guy for nearly 2 months. He does shifts. We had a date planned a few weeks back, but he cancelled due to sickness. Tomorrow is our 1st free day to get that 1st date in. I was so looking forward to it but now I'm getting doubts.

He seems exactly what I am looking for. Good job (as do I), good looking, taller than me, seems to have the same views on many topics, we seem to have the same humour, both of us not really into nights out any more. Both close to family and want to do the same type of holidays.

I also liked that he didn't try to do sex talk. Which I have told him before I am glad about as I like to have got to know someone 1st and be actually physically involved with them before that. He sounded like he agreed. Well a few weeks on, last weekend we had both had a drink at home alone, and we got onto subject about pics. He said do I want him to send and almost nudes pic and he said not dick pics lol. He sent a photo of naked but covered his dick. I could tell it wasn't recent, but by god did he look hot and I told him so. Sent bikini snaps from holidays in exchange which are so PG they are on my Facebook.

Well anyway last night we had chats again as we have had every day, and he got a bit suggestive, we stuck to mild sex chat but nothing too explicit, then I said I need to sleep as had work in the morning. He said at the start of the night he was having a drink that night. I look at my phone in the morning and he had said goodnight, but then tried to continue the sex chat and ended with a message of its own saying he was going to send a dick pic never mind.

This has thrown me, I liked who he was to this point and he hadn't tried this sort of thing before last night. Why wait until just before we meet after all this time. He know my thoughts on nude photos, knew I was opposed. Maybe he meant it as a joke or a disappointment I cut off chat to go to sleep? I'm very black and white about this stuff, think autism contributes towards that thinking, but is this a me being too black and white or a pushing boundaries he knew about sort of thing?

After his cancellation last time, tomorrow was already down as a decision day. My worry now is nude photos are just not what I like. I know some people are into it and that is fine but they would not be suitable to me. If he sent photos to exes he had loved i could just pretend it didn't happen, but if he is sending photos to other girls he hasn't even met, then I don't want to be with someone who does this. Thinking if we got together, then many random strangers would have been having photos of my man. Yuk.

I messaged him back around lunchtime making a joke of it saying haha I don't want dick pics, then changing the chat. He hasn't read it since. But I know you can do preview of chats so maybe he thinks I'm too prude anyway

How did I keep going on about it exactly?

Yeah i am aware and don't care about a previous sex life, love life or exes. I do care about other randoms having photos of something I feel should be private. Even if actual exes had photos I wouldn't care. It is the unknown amount of women who he hasn't even met (yes just like me) having these photos I find a turn off. If they are given out that easy then it doesn't come across well

Yes I know. It wouldn't have been my choice. I wanted to meet back when we were last free. But as he was rather graphic about what was wrong and he does seem very much my type thought would give it a bit more time until we are both free to meet next time. Alough doing the maths on the shifts I realised this would be quite some time. Expected it to die off before now be to honest. I do like him more now since the last attempt. But also have in my head this might not happen. And after last night he might not be what i was thinking.

Agree with the false intimacy thing. I did this once and messaged someone for 2 months before meeting. Turns out all his pics (not naked, normal pics) were old, he was actually really overweight, had lied to me about a lot of what he'd said, and had an alcohol/drug addiction. Be careful.

Men are disappointing, when it comes to the dating scene. Best get used to it.

YABU to talk to someone for several weeks before you meet him. Also to give him a second chance after his mysterious illness. Let’s not even get into dick pics.

You will only succeed with online dating once you treat it like this: it’s a means to meet as many people as quickly as possible to see who you have a spark with. And date people you wouldn’t ordinarily. Forgive typos. Don’t forgive: dick pics and lame excuses though.

Literally whittle through it and set up half a dozen dates. You’ll meet someone a heck of a lot quicker than investing in chats - half the guys who snag you in that are already in relationships, the other half are just weird.

He definitely wants to send dick pics. And that is weird because you were clear you don’t want them.

I would keep your boundaries up. Tell
him again you don’t want dick pics and you will not be sending him nudes. If he ignores your boundaries even once more, dump him.

Arr see i totally agree with this and every time I wright off something that has been a waste of time, I tell myself you need to go on many pages and not get invested in 1 before you know it is going somewhere. But I just do the same thing, get 1 I like as most are shit and I can't be arsed with it. Dont bother speaking to anyone else in the mean time until it has come to a conclusion.

I do actually hate dating, most mens convo is shit. Most I can see are players. Some who get past the being shit or players radar want sex chat, so I'm quickly whittled down to zero prospects each time I try. So when I get 1 that seems to be just right like this guy has done, I just want to see where that goes before diving back in to the sea of shit that is left over at around my age, at 38 plus most the good ones are taken

This is exactly what I think

I wouldn't bother - it's difficult to articulate why but whenever I've chatted to someone for a while, the face to face meeting has always been disappointing.

Also, how do you know he isn't married / with someone? I mean just because he's told you his shift pattern doesn't make it true. Two months is a long time to wait.

It's just so childish. So glad I'm not on the dating scene.

I think that once you've had even vague sex chat before even meeting then it's all he's going to be thinking about

Getting into this just before meeting could also be him trying to set the tone for the date

Copper, married, player - that’s my guess!

Is that because you’re the ubiquitous smug married? Coz that’s no helpful to OP.

I read stuff like this and thank god that I am old. There have always been sleazy men since the dawn of time, but technology has given them so much more reach. Pre phones there would be no way this man would have been able to have any kind of contact of this nature with the OP. Well I supose he could have had suggestive chats on a land line, but she would be spared all this dick pic garbage

From one autistic mind to another I am curious if the gross feeling of others having an intimate shot of your partner is because of the sexual way they were intended. Would you be as grossed out if he was a life model or a nudist? I am a bit black and white in my thinking but I personally feel that bodies are just bodies and not inherently bad.

I do hate an unsolicited dick pic though, because it is aggressively sexual and loaded with expectation. It feels uncomfortable like a kiss or a hug would do if someone is not reading my body language to realise or care if it is unwanted.

You may or may not meet up with this man either way, but from years of online dating this one is not going to take off. It is clearly something to do for now rather than anything more... max you'll get a few dates out of him, probably rather spread out. The ones that start like this with the sexual stuff before a meet always fizzle out as a hook up at best. Sometimes these can be fun but it seems like you might be wanting something more permanent.

You can’t really blame him after 2 months waiting to meet and sending bikini pics- he is male after all and they have a strong priority which is sex.

How did you know copper? Does that mean something? Or is it just to do with shift patterns?

I wouldn't want to be driving around that time of night on the weekend when drunk drivers are more of a risk. It part to do with my weirdness too
you don’t go out in the evening at all? how’s this dating going to work?

Are you sure he is who he says he is?

Are you meeting in a public place?

You said that you could tell the picture of his body wasn't recent- was it even him?

Cancelling your last date raises the possibility that he is catfishing you with photos stolen from another person - or very old photos.

In your OP you say we like the same things - I can't remember specifics if it was holidays/music whatever. Look back at your chats. Does he actually ever lead with what he likes or does he just mirror back what you have already disclosed that you like.

Just stay safe OP. Meet in a public place.

Yes I'm wanting something permanent if I am going to invest my energy into someone. I find it extremely exhausting to push past my discomfort to lead to a date with a stranger. Even if I have only spoken a week beforehand and the date is pleasant but not right match, I still find it takes me a very long time to care to try again. I spoke to someone a few months back who said think of it as having nice things to do and a good chat. But I hate spending time with strangers so I can never think of it that way.

It is the sexual element. His stunning almost nude but hiding his bits I wouldn't be bothered if that was sent to others previously. But dicks are pretty much only ever a sexual photo. Could hardly post that on Facebook. I feel comfortable around the human body too and like to feel that freedom abroad or at the pool that I don't have to wear constrictive and uncomfortable clothing. It is purely the sexual element and my black and white is that that part of a body should only be a memory of a past lover and not something someone has a physical image of for life. I have a great body, but no one owns an image of it. My past loves can only remember what is in their mind they don't physically own an image of it

Its all a bit pointless isn't it? 2 months wasted on someone you don't know at all, that lives too far away, can't find a time to meet in 2 months, its not a promising basis for a relationship to develop. You can't click with someone online and know if its genuine unless you see each other in person and get to know each other properly. No idea why you would want some bloke you've never met to think you're sexual or whatever, if he wants to find that out you meet in person and date!

A partial nude pic would have been an instant block from me. Total ick.

I do. Not on weekend evenings though, wary of drunk drivers. I go out to the gym, swimming and classes most evenings.
I live near a shit place and people living in that shit place have to drive through my place, there are regular accidents and deaths through drunk and drugged up arseholes. If I lived somewhere nicer I wouldn't have the same worry

Chatting to people virtually is such a waste of time. Just meet up, deciding if you like each other is much easier face to face.

My question would be - Why did he have an old photo of himself naked with just his bits covered, ready to send out when you first talked?

Have you done any reverse image searches on his photos? Make sure they're genuine.

I'm sure you're sensible, but make sure you're meeting in a public place. Hope it goes well x