AIBU to feel upset by partner opposing my breast reduction?

[GreatMintPeer]

I have 2 DCs (17y and 18 months). I have always had very large breasts and at my age (50) now that I’ve finished breastfeeding after having my daughter very late, I have taken the decision to have a breast reduction. The level of back pain I have been experiencing lately has been extremely debilitating, and I also don’t like the way they look after having my DD.

My DP has been with me for just over a year and when I told him my plans he reacted with confusion, and then anger. I feel incredibly shocked and hurt by this as he has always been a sweet, loving supportive partner until now. I just can’t overlook such a possessive reaction over a decision I want to make about my own body; it’s not like I’m having a double mastectomy or they’ll suddenly be tiny, I just want them to be a more manageable and proportionate size. He thinks I’m being frivolous and selfish. What do I do?

Something isn't right for you to be asking what do you do.

I cannot imagine any scenario where I would be allowing anyone other than medical professionals to have any bearing on what I do with my own body.

Let alone a dp of a year?!

Get rid of him and look to get therapy to help you with your sense of autonomy and agency in relationships so this doesn't happen again.

Good luck with the surgery 💐

I’m glad you’ve gone some way to working out your feelings about his comments re your breast reduction and are going to have some space to reflect on that a bit more.

But this post ☝️made my blood boil, well simmer a bit, as much as your others. Why is he thinking about whether your money is tight or not? What is it to him if you were to spend your money frivolously? I think he wants that money for himself. I wouldn’t trust him at all.

I'm impressed you had a baby at 48!
I don't know anyone (personally) who has had a baby past 42.
Not the point of the thread I realise..

So was everyone in my life believe me!

I too thought it was impossible. People were horrible at points, telling me I’d either end up with a severely impaired child or miscarry. Neither of those things have happened, and DD is progressing in line with the average 18 month old.

It was not a quick decision to go through with it, I debated it internally rather a lot, but ultimately it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made; I always wanted a second child and thought it was past me by that point.

@GreatMintPeerwell done op. I had a dp like this I really relate to your posts. It wasn’t so much he wanted my money but he resented anything which highlighted I earned more than him and had more disposable income despite being a lone parent to 2. I recall such a similar chat when I first started considering getting Botox and getting micro blading. I don’t think he even knew what microblogging was but he could barely contain himself. Same reaction when I wanted to buy a bigger house. On my own with MY money.
I ended it and like you did no contact. I got Botox and micro blading and love the results no regrets! I also have some filler I can just imagine his reaction to that ha ha .
and I bought a bigger house and we love it.
get the surgery and I wish you a happy and peaceful life xxx

Well done op, what a fucking woman you are, good for you. You should absolutely congratulate yourself for having so much self respect and dignity.

I assume you told him WHY you were ending it?

Very well done

Get rid of 3 tits here OP.

If you do marry this eejit put all your money in trust for the kid or prenup the hell out of it all.

Well done OP! Onwards and upwards!

This. Dump him, op, he isn’t the one!

Well done op you made the right decision here. No one needs a guy who wants a meal ticket and financial safety net and thinks his decisions and wants over your body overrides yours.

keep him gone.

Oh sorry, I managed to miss the updates! Good decision op, best of luck with it all!

WELL DONE YOU!!!!!

It’s so fab to see women having decent boundaries. Doesn’t happen very often on here. Good luck with the op op.

Good for you OP, he wasn't much of a partner.

This with knobs.
Off he fucks.
😊

Major red flag for me. What would he do if you needed a double mastectomy?

Gently, I think you’re still in a vulnerable state.

I am wondering if you feel no one would want you as a 50yo single mother with a 2yo, so you are looking at him through rose tinted glasses.

Your finances are none of his concern.
You choosing to do something with your body is literally none of his business.

You’ve only been together a year.
You say he’s not the type to get angry but that’s likely because you don’t know him very well and because he’s not had a reason to get angry yet.

This is the real him.

Well done dumping him, OP. Entitled git was gearing up to be a cocklodger. You are well rid!

Well done for dumping him OP.

You seem like a very strong woman, you are successful, have your own home and know your own mind - any man would be lucky to have you.

If this is what you’ve been wanting for a long time, then definitely look into it and see when the best time is for you to book it in.
I assume your ex is involved but carrying your baby might be quite a challenge.
You could start a thread and find out people’s recovery time etc.

I think it’s something you should do as soon as you are able to.

Red flags he showed.

He didn't respect your body autonomy

He thought he could tell you how to spend your money

Self employed and struggling.

He's already brought up marriage.

You had a very young baby when he spotted you.

You did well ending the relationship. You ignored some giant red flags getting into a relationship with him and you need to work on recognizing those.

I hope your reduction goes well.

have only skimmed OPs posts.

What stands out for me is Partner Of Only A Year.

Tell him to jog on. I have huge boobs, i wish I'd had them reduced years ago.

Edit - apologies, I posted before reading your update. I hope the reduction goes smoothly and life is more comfortable for you afterwards. I'll leave my original reply below.

He's waving red flags in your face, you need to take notice.
He's not acknowledging any of the practical reasons why you want a breast reduction, he's only focusing on the reduction of his sexual pleasure or that he sees it as a waste of money that in his mind is partially his.
Either reason means you need to walk away, fast!

You are in debilitating pain and all he cares about is your looks. Is this really someone you want around your kids?? Or yourself? Honestly hes one big red flag i would walk away right now and put you and your kids first.

Edit- sorry just saw you ended it!! Amazing. Plesse never take him back no matter how much he "changes "