AIBU to feel upset by partner opposing my breast reduction?

[GreatMintPeer]

I have 2 DCs (17y and 18 months). I have always had very large breasts and at my age (50) now that I’ve finished breastfeeding after having my daughter very late, I have taken the decision to have a breast reduction. The level of back pain I have been experiencing lately has been extremely debilitating, and I also don’t like the way they look after having my DD.

My DP has been with me for just over a year and when I told him my plans he reacted with confusion, and then anger. I feel incredibly shocked and hurt by this as he has always been a sweet, loving supportive partner until now. I just can’t overlook such a possessive reaction over a decision I want to make about my own body; it’s not like I’m having a double mastectomy or they’ll suddenly be tiny, I just want them to be a more manageable and proportionate size. He thinks I’m being frivolous and selfish. What do I do?

Oh here we go. He's starting after only a year trying to make you doubt your own intelligence and the way you feel. Give it six months he will have moved in, then marriage ...

What you do to your body is nothing to do with anyone. I've got friends that had reductions and their lives were transformed.

Jeez, you're not much better than the OP's 'partner'

@GreatMintPeer It really sounds as though he's after financial stability, and you're his potential meal ticket. I'm relieved you've realised that this is one red flag too far and I hope you follow through on dumping him.

All the very best for the conversation ahead 💐

He’s not usually one to get enraged

There is no 'usual', you've only known him a year
And now he's showing his true colors. He sounds abusive and volatile.

You cannot have this man anywhere near you. You have a baby. You need to end it for good.

Wtf. Can't believe someone wrote this. Grim. This in response to comment made about men.liking big boobs 😳

I realise this is judgemental but how other people live their lives is endlessly fascinating to me. On the basis this thread is real, I think you should really examine your apparent need to be in a relationship.

I don't understand the question or why he's involved in the answer.

Ask him exactly what is frivolous about wanting to ameliorate debilitating back pain.

My first thought. Are you in a different income bracket to him? Is he annoyed you’re spending money he’s got his eye on ? In any event it’s got nothing to do with him.
Your body, your choice.

It’s your body you do as you want with it forget a man child trying to decide what you do with it.

And you don’t live with him (luckily) but he’s getting angry about YOUR dishwasher being broken?! God forbid he has to get his hands wet!

Luckily, women are waking up now and don’t give a shit what men do and do not like about body parts which a)are not on their own bodies and b)aren’t designed as play things for men. The fact that you dickheads are obsessed with porn and filled with entitlement is your own probably. Male loneliness epidemic? Tough shit. Stop being entitled selfish misogynists then.

Anyway.

op, this is good that he has absolutely shown who he is, before you got married. His first reaction was his true one. He has then reflected that it was silly to show what he thinks/who he is before he’s got his hands on your money. This isn’t something to ‘talk about’. It’s something to dump about.

It sounds like this one is for the bin OP.

Anger is a massive red flag.

A man who gets angry that the diswasher is broken in someone else's house where he is a guest is a wrong 'un.

If he can get angry about that, just imagine how angry he would get when he was a)more familiar with you and b)had something real to be angry about.

Get rid of him.

Is he after a nurse with a purse? Protect your children, yourself, your assets and income and do not get married to this man. Does he have his own place?

Lol... selfish, yes selfish, it's YOUR body. This man needs to disappear quickly. Please do not marry him, he wants your money. I'm not sure he's the one if he thinks he owns your breasts. Do you breastfeed him? Will he get less milk ? And even if that was the case, YOUR BODY, YOUR LIFE.

Exactly this. I'd show him the door.

What do you do next you crack on with the reduction

you are in pain. Why should you continue in pain when there is a solution. The kids deserve a happy pain free larent

your’d’ p has a choice accept it’s best for you or leave because he is selfish

but it would certainly make me see him in a different light

Si many red flags. Glad you are ending it

Reduce the breasts and dump the man.

🤣🤣🤣

good decision. He sounds awful. Getting angry over you wanting surgery for your pain, and getting angry over the dishwasher! This is an angry man.

I cannot get iver how he was hutrung on yoy while tou were in a cafe with your BABY! Maybe he targeted you.

Glad you've had a chance to reflect on this relationship OP. And I can tell you that it was the best thing I ever did getting the reduction !
I also had a partner who objected to me doing it. He is also an ex partner!
I don't think any man can understand the debilitating shoulder and back pain from having kgs of weight pull down on you. This is really not cosmetic surgery !

This isn't great, whatever his motivation. How many threads do we read on here by women who have married and are trying to end the relationship and get the husband out of their house. He thinks it's his business to get angry about decisions you've made about your body using your finances at this stage in the relationship. Is he the best person to be in your children's lives? Sounds very disrespectful, he's showing you his true colours. What a dick.

He was doing very well financially when we met, but as he’s a self-employed programme director income can be volatile, and his last project went pretty ‘tits up’ (pun intended!)

I have a stable, very senior job and earn mid six figures. I’ve never explicitly told him anything about how much I earn but I think it might be easy to tell based on my home, lifestyle, and the fact I send my son to a private music school (~£5000 annually) on Saturdays.

I went to his house this morning and ended it. He was absolutely devastated and begged me to reconsider, but I have been firm and told him that in no circumstance is he to contact me, come to my home or interact with me in any way. He lives fairly locally but far away enough that I won’t see him every time I pop to the shop for some milk. I’m quite upset that it’s ended like this and still need time to process it all, but I know I’ve made the right decision. Thank you all for the encouragement and validating my suspicions.