AIBU to feel upset by partner opposing my breast reduction?

[GreatMintPeer]

I have 2 DCs (17y and 18 months). I have always had very large breasts and at my age (50) now that I’ve finished breastfeeding after having my daughter very late, I have taken the decision to have a breast reduction. The level of back pain I have been experiencing lately has been extremely debilitating, and I also don’t like the way they look after having my DD.

My DP has been with me for just over a year and when I told him my plans he reacted with confusion, and then anger. I feel incredibly shocked and hurt by this as he has always been a sweet, loving supportive partner until now. I just can’t overlook such a possessive reaction over a decision I want to make about my own body; it’s not like I’m having a double mastectomy or they’ll suddenly be tiny, I just want them to be a more manageable and proportionate size. He thinks I’m being frivolous and selfish. What do I do?

Anything more than a handful is a waste.

What did he mean exactly by 'selfish'? The definition is lacking consideration for other people. Does he think his entitlement to your breasts is greater than your endurance of the pain? What a knob! Maybe try to work out how much they weigh and get the corresponding weight and hang it from his neck. Tell him he can't remove it when it aches, he has to live with, as you have to.

I had my BR 25 years ago this year (just worked that out! I was 27 and I am 52 now) and it changed my life.

IT took away the back pain, the self consciousness, the self hatred. I would do it again in a heart beat.

The only thing I regret is that I passed on my massive norks to at least three (possibly all four) of my daughters and I cant afford to pay for them to have the same.

As for him......red flag central. My ex only made one negative comment and it was definitely as a joke because he was so supportive. We had been married 6 months when my appointment came through (as on the NHS) and he said "Oh I wonder if I can get a divorce on Trade Description?!" but as I say, he was definitely joking. He knew all along that I was planning this. He was so happy I had had it done as it made such a difference to me. Also it made a big difference to our physical relationship because I was far more confident getting naked and being seen naked.

He’s not usually one to get enraged, but it seems to have increased in the last few months now I think of it. I recall a few weeks ago he was disproportionately angry about the dishwasher being broken when there was a handyman booked for the next morning!

As if a man has any idea of what it’s like to have breasts !!
I would have have told him to fuck off out of my life. Absolutely get the surgery it’s 100% your decision.

My DH has been aware of my issues due to size of my boob's since we got together. Even before marriage he bought up the idea of starting to set up some savings towards a reduction in future. You want someone that supports you.

Do you honestly think this is a good environment for your 18 month old to be around. Is being with a knob like this really better than being single.

Get rid. Now.

One day you will be that appliance that doesnt work because you are ill or tired or whatever.

You are a dishwasher with tits to him.

GET RID, please.

I can understand if he was reluctant support you if you were having a medical procedure for vanity reasons but to call what you are proposing "frivolous and selfish" is ridiculous.

Sorry but You had a baby at 48 and not with their father. And you have a partner within 6 months of being PP.

Please tell me how this all happened? Was it IVF? Partner or solo parent? How did you find new partner? I'm curious, no hate

He feels he has a right to your tits and your money! Disgusting man.

I had my now 18 month old naturally with my EH. I realise it was quite hasty to get into a relationship so soon and it’s not a decision I defend, especially now.

I was probably in more of a vulnerable state than I realised, so I likely wasn’t thinking properly. I realise I have to end this, so I’m going to talk to him tomorrow. Thank god he doesn’t live with me.

Thank god he doesn’t live with me

Yes. That's very fortunate.
He's got a nerve, treating you like this.

Old school friend had this done, it was such a relief for her. She was so proud too she kept flashing her boobs off to anyone interested, lol.

Your body, your choice. No other way of looking at it. He either supports you or he can sod off!

enjoy your freedom with your kids. This man is definitely not a keeper.

Two kids, been with this fella less than a year, he thinks it appropriate to get shirty over your breast reduction 🤷
Prioritise yourself and your kids!
As others have said, no point in adding another massive tit to your load.
(and yeah, he's probably after your money)

@GreatMintPeer

This! 100%!

Read all the updates, this was not a good one, glad you’ve realised.

Glad you are getting rid, future you won’t regret it.

It can take a while to see people’s true colours…

Given he’s been getting angry lately, please maybe let us know that you are okay once you’ve ended things?

All the best for boob reduction!

They have people attached to them, you know. People who prefer not to be reduced to body parts.

It’s your body and your money!

Wtf. Can't believe someone wrote this. Grim

Yes it’s not about forgiveness, it’s the fact that a year has been enough time for him to show you who he really is.

There is a thread about reductions if you’d like more practical advice

Breast reduction AMA

It's been a year, the mask has slipped. The him you are seeing now is the real him. This is what he will "usually" be like.

He has seen you as vulnerable when you met and now knows you have money he wants marriage, neither you nor your children will benefit from that.