AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

[lifesbeenfeelingheavylately]

This is already embarrassing for me, so I'd be grateful if you didn't pass judgment.

Five months back, I gave birth to my first child, but his father and I aren't a couple. We were never really a couple, it began as just some casual fun while my ex was in prison and he was having issues with his wife.

I've liked him forever, so the true feelings have always been there, and he's the guy I've wanted to be with all this time.

We'd been hooking up regularly and behaving like a couple, but we both knew it was wrong and had to end.

But then I fell pregnant, I let him know straight off, expecting a panic and a push for abortion, but that never happened. He said it was totally up to me what I decided.

I was planning to have an abortion, but things changed because my ex wasn’t getting out of prison any time soon, and we’d been trying to have a baby for over two years without any luck.

Throughout my pregnancy, my baby's dad was amazing, he made sure we had everything and was right there at the birth too.

I let him pick the baby's name, even though I really don't like it, but I figured I'd let him have his way. The baby also carries his last name.

He made me get our baby circumcised, not for any religious reason, but just because his mum decided that for him when he was a baby. The procedure went well, but I still feel guilty about it every day.

Only a month in, he started getting really controlling and still is.

He doesn’t want baby on social media.

He’s always trying to control what I wear. I video called him, to show the baby, and his first reaction was about my outfit, he told me to change it up because now that I'm a mother, I should dress differently.

He keeps moaning and wants to control every little thing, and I seriously can't put up with it anymore.

I just wanna take my baby and move away; he's already got his wife and three kids.

He doesn't want a relationship with his baby. He wants to control you.

How can you not understand this?

I appreciate your advice, thank you. I want nothing to do with him anymore, he's shown his real colors.

I have never stopped him from seeing the baby, he came late last night and assumed he could stay here and sleep in my bed.

I still can't believe he went and told our business to my neighbours, like who even does that? fucking weirdo.

My two neighbours are probably gossiping about me right now.

If a strange man is calling your neighbours doorbell and trying to involve them in a dispute, and you are telling them this is not a welcome visitor, they were absolutely right to call the police on their own behalf if not for you and your son. This is a messy situation that shouldn't be concerning them.

It’s just another tactic from him to control you.

He knew you wouldn’t want the neighbours to know. You ignored him. So he spoke to them to show that he will do yet again whatever he wants regardless of your feelings about it.

Don't worry about your neighbour. They did the right thing.

What did the Police do? Have they spoken to him?

If is why he needs boundaries.

He has his own bed to sleep in. He is not sure problem. This isn't about seeing your son, who I'm assuming was asleep at 11pm.

By the time they showed up, I was already a mess. They asked for his name and details, but I didn’t give it to them.

One of my neighbours knocked, saying she was sorry but just worried about me and my son.

Stop protecting him you should have given them his details.

You might possibly also now be on social services radar since the police were called due to a man who alleges he is the baby’s father causing a scene at your place of residence.

You won’t have helped yourself if they are by refusing to give his details.

Here’s hoping SS do an intervention. This kid is in trouble with these two as parents.

Absolutely 💯
I really do hope SS were made aware because someone needs to safeguard the child.

You should have given his name and number.

Don't protect him.

A call from the Police might have made his see his behaviour is unreasonable.

He's on the birth certificate so in reality the Police would be able to look him up very quickly.

And they probably did....given he apparently blocked the OP

They have your details and the fact you have a baby - did they mention social services?

Nope, they didn’t bring up social services, you’re such a dark soul. You’re probably sitting there with a huge smile, crossing your fingers that they’ve been notified.

I have nothing to hide, I welcomed them into my home while my baby was sleeping peacefully in his cot.

I told them the truth that we are not in a relationship, and he believes he can show up here whenever he wants, even though I have told him not to. I am neither afraid of him nor do I see him a danger to me or my son, I'm just trying to set boundaries with him.

You were in a relationship - you had an affair over a prolonged period of time. You had sex which created a child but it wasn’t a ONS. You registered him together and gave the child his name. He gives you money and you allow him access.

You have a lifelong relationship of some sorts with him because of all of this.

She also.had sex with him about 2 weeks ago... and has admitted she'd do it again🙄

Coupled with the fact that she has been housed away from another criminal ex, I'd say the police have most definitely notified SS just in case anything further comes up.

Relationship:

Pics didn’t attach.

The reason I ask is not because I'm a 'dark soul' (though that sounds fun, ngl), but because I've been in a DV situation where the police were called and they mentioned they would have to report to SS. Nothing actually came of it, but it's important to be aware of what might happen.

So you've had your babys genitals mutilated on a whim and he's the controlling one?

I'm really sorry you've experienced domestic violence, I get it because I went through the same thing with my ex.

This isn't DV, it's just him wanting things his way.

this - I’d have called the police and would do it next time too. You should have given the police his details. Your poor neighbours are aware there’s a baby in your place and must be worried about the baby’s welfare, there are so many news articles about women who’ve been with the wrong men and let them into their lives and the children have suffered for it. You need to be aware that men have hurt and killed their own children because they think if they don’t get to see them whenever and however they want to the mother shouldn’t get to see the baby either. The police need to know his name and details to protect your baby.

Darling, don’t listen to all these sanctimonious old women. There’s nothing wrong with you or what you’ve done or are planning to do. Chin up, shoulders back, you’ve got this . Go and be an amazing mum! Xx