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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

712 replies

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 17/04/2026 17:50

This is already embarrassing for me, so I'd be grateful if you didn't pass judgment.

Five months back, I gave birth to my first child, but his father and I aren't a couple. We were never really a couple, it began as just some casual fun while my ex was in prison and he was having issues with his wife.

I've liked him forever, so the true feelings have always been there, and he's the guy I've wanted to be with all this time.

We'd been hooking up regularly and behaving like a couple, but we both knew it was wrong and had to end.

But then I fell pregnant, I let him know straight off, expecting a panic and a push for abortion, but that never happened. He said it was totally up to me what I decided.

I was planning to have an abortion, but things changed because my ex wasn’t getting out of prison any time soon, and we’d been trying to have a baby for over two years without any luck.

Throughout my pregnancy, my baby's dad was amazing, he made sure we had everything and was right there at the birth too.

I let him pick the baby's name, even though I really don't like it, but I figured I'd let him have his way. The baby also carries his last name.

He made me get our baby circumcised, not for any religious reason, but just because his mum decided that for him when he was a baby. The procedure went well, but I still feel guilty about it every day.

Only a month in, he started getting really controlling and still is.

He doesn’t want baby on social media.

He’s always trying to control what I wear. I video called him, to show the baby, and his first reaction was about my outfit, he told me to change it up because now that I'm a mother, I should dress differently.

He keeps moaning and wants to control every little thing, and I seriously can't put up with it anymore.

I just wanna take my baby and move away; he's already got his wife and three kids.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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RampantIvy · 04/05/2026 15:34

Firstly I am not a teenager, and I slept with him because I wanted to, that’s the only reason.
BECAUSE I WANTED TO!
I never once said I didn’t have any friends, I do have friends but this isn’t something I feel comfortable discussing with, because I am actually ashamed and embarrassed.

So many contradictions here.

SisterThorn · 05/05/2026 07:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

but I do not deal with men who have porn addiction

No, what you deal with is worse. You deal with a man with a wandering penis and think thats ok

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 10/05/2026 18:55

You probably don't want to hear from me, but I feel the need to apologise for the distasteful things I said.

Sorry 🙁

A lot has happened since I last posted here, my son's father said he no longer wants anything to do with me because I stood my ground.

So now it’s just me and my son.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 10/05/2026 19:05

Stay strong. It really is the best result 💐

Zanatdy · 10/05/2026 19:20

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 10/05/2026 18:55

You probably don't want to hear from me, but I feel the need to apologise for the distasteful things I said.

Sorry 🙁

A lot has happened since I last posted here, my son's father said he no longer wants anything to do with me because I stood my ground.

So now it’s just me and my son.

I have just read through most of your messages. You need to stay away from this man, he is having his fun controlling you and having 2 women on the go. He will be back, but you need to keep standing your ground or he is going to make your life very miserable.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 10/05/2026 19:36

Zanatdy · 10/05/2026 19:20

I have just read through most of your messages. You need to stay away from this man, he is having his fun controlling you and having 2 women on the go. He will be back, but you need to keep standing your ground or he is going to make your life very miserable.

Thanks for staying kind even though I was very rude to some people, looking back I'm really ashamed of myself.

I am staying away from him, with my friends and family providing support.

I want to change the baby's first and last name, but I cannot do so without his consent.

I’ve been so foolish, I shouldn’t have let myself get into this situation.

I also need to move out of this apartment because I want to be closer to my family. Being here alone at night scares me, and I can't cope with it.

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 10/05/2026 19:58

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 10/05/2026 19:36

Thanks for staying kind even though I was very rude to some people, looking back I'm really ashamed of myself.

I am staying away from him, with my friends and family providing support.

I want to change the baby's first and last name, but I cannot do so without his consent.

I’ve been so foolish, I shouldn’t have let myself get into this situation.

I also need to move out of this apartment because I want to be closer to my family. Being here alone at night scares me, and I can't cope with it.

Sorry if I don’t believe any of this and it turns out to be true, but I think he’s just manipulating you again. He’ll suddenly come back and you’ll be sooo grateful and drop your knickers for him again.
It’s so boring and predictable. <yawn>

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 10/05/2026 20:13

Swiftie1878 · 10/05/2026 19:58

Sorry if I don’t believe any of this and it turns out to be true, but I think he’s just manipulating you again. He’ll suddenly come back and you’ll be sooo grateful and drop your knickers for him again.
It’s so boring and predictable. <yawn>

Seriously, why would anyone even make something like this up?

I wish it was, because I’ve disgraced myself to the highest level.

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 10/05/2026 20:20

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 10/05/2026 20:13

Seriously, why would anyone even make something like this up?

I wish it was, because I’ve disgraced myself to the highest level.

I’m not saying you’ve made up what he said. I’m saying you are making up your honest response to it, and that you’ll be on your back with him again as soon as he snaps his fingers.
I don’t believe you’ve had a light bulb moment, I don’t believe you feel shame, I believe you are loving the drama and the attention.

Your poor, poor child. ☹️

guestusername · 10/05/2026 20:21

This is possibly the best opportunity you could get to sort yourself out.

He will come crawling back. You know it, I know it and the whole of MN knows it. What you do about it is entirely up to you. There is only one person who can sort you out OP. You. You can either subject your child to an entire lifetime of thinking that your situation is normal, that his mum willingly allows his dad to treat her so badly, or you can show him that you can do better. He deserves better and so do you.

Which will you choose?

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 10/05/2026 21:21

Swiftie1878 · 10/05/2026 20:20

I’m not saying you’ve made up what he said. I’m saying you are making up your honest response to it, and that you’ll be on your back with him again as soon as he snaps his fingers.
I don’t believe you’ve had a light bulb moment, I don’t believe you feel shame, I believe you are loving the drama and the attention.

Your poor, poor child. ☹️

He got very abusive.

OP posts:
Bigcat25 · 11/05/2026 00:46

Sorry to hear this OP .Wishing you and your son the best in the future. Definitely a head trip that you've been through.

99bottlesofkombucha · 11/05/2026 01:10

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 10/05/2026 18:55

You probably don't want to hear from me, but I feel the need to apologise for the distasteful things I said.

Sorry 🙁

A lot has happened since I last posted here, my son's father said he no longer wants anything to do with me because I stood my ground.

So now it’s just me and my son.

Of course he doesnt if he cant control you. Everything he said about loving his children and your child together and everything you thought about him being a family man is a lie, and it is irrelevant you knew him already, some people are good liars. You should be happy that your child is free of him as that’s much healthier for your child, block him on everything, call your child whatever you want even if it’s not their legal name, and move on. I’m sorry for his wife and other children who are presumably stuck, you and your child were a dirty secret so easy to dump.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 13:43

He loves his other children, but he doesn't love mine as much as he says, if he did, he wouldn't act the way he does.

It's alright, my child is surrounded by many people who love him, so for now, it doesn't matter if his father is present.

I visited my doctor and asked for a referral to a specialist I could talk to about my mental health, which isn't in a good state. She gave me one, but the NHS wait times are just too long, so I might have to go private since I don't want to keep feeling like this.

I called my housing office today because I want to give the property back. I don't think I deserve it, and honestly, I'd feel way better if it went to someone who really needs it. I'm going back to my mum's while my dad helps me sort out a mortgage application.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 11/05/2026 16:01

Good call going back to your mum's house. You will get more support there.

ItTook9Years · 11/05/2026 16:32

Didn’t OP’s mother think he was a “lovely man”?

Still not convinced any of this is real.

RampantIvy · 11/05/2026 16:40

ItTook9Years · 11/05/2026 16:32

Didn’t OP’s mother think he was a “lovely man”?

Still not convinced any of this is real.

Yes, you are correct.

BudgetBuster · 11/05/2026 16:44

ItTook9Years · 11/05/2026 16:32

Didn’t OP’s mother think he was a “lovely man”?

Still not convinced any of this is real.

It can't be real. But it's not even sounding like a good fiction anymore... the plot has been completely lost.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 16:48

RampantIvy · 11/05/2026 16:01

Good call going back to your mum's house. You will get more support there.

Yes, she did, and now she is asking what went wrong.

OP posts:
lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 16:49

BudgetBuster · 11/05/2026 16:44

It can't be real. But it's not even sounding like a good fiction anymore... the plot has been completely lost.

I don't understand why you're here, you bring nothing but bad energy.

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 11/05/2026 16:52

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 16:49

I don't understand why you're here, you bring nothing but bad energy.

Most people don't understand why you are here... with a new story every day

CodeAmber · 11/05/2026 17:22

ItTook9Years · 11/05/2026 16:32

Didn’t OP’s mother think he was a “lovely man”?

Still not convinced any of this is real.

Yep, soooo many inconsistencies! She obviously loves the drama/attention and is trying a different approach to get people to reengage.

also, thought you had “private income” with no benefits etc. Yet you want to “give your house back to your housing office”

maybe focus on your child instead of all this “relationship” drama…

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 18:10

CodeAmber · 11/05/2026 17:22

Yep, soooo many inconsistencies! She obviously loves the drama/attention and is trying a different approach to get people to reengage.

also, thought you had “private income” with no benefits etc. Yet you want to “give your house back to your housing office”

maybe focus on your child instead of all this “relationship” drama…

Instead of assuming, why not just ask?

There aren't any inconsistencies.

The police moved me because of threats on my life, and I ended up in a housing association place.

Since I wasn't going to work, they told me to apply for universal credit and housing benefit.

OP posts:
CodeAmber · 11/05/2026 18:35

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 18:10

Instead of assuming, why not just ask?

There aren't any inconsistencies.

The police moved me because of threats on my life, and I ended up in a housing association place.

Since I wasn't going to work, they told me to apply for universal credit and housing benefit.

I did ask, before and you were either lying then or now as this directly contradicts what you said earlier though, which means no one can trust what your saying is the truth, or even close to it!

you seem strangely proud of having an affair (and a child) with a complete rat of a man. Zero integrity, zero pride, zero empathy for his wife. Your backpedaling now reeks of attention seeking, as people had stopped responding to your ignorant, offensive, and downright classless responses to women on this thread….

ItTook9Years · 11/05/2026 18:57

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 11/05/2026 18:10

Instead of assuming, why not just ask?

There aren't any inconsistencies.

The police moved me because of threats on my life, and I ended up in a housing association place.

Since I wasn't going to work, they told me to apply for universal credit and housing benefit.

But you’re going to apply for a mortgage, are you?