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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want distance from my controlling baby's father?

712 replies

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 17/04/2026 17:50

This is already embarrassing for me, so I'd be grateful if you didn't pass judgment.

Five months back, I gave birth to my first child, but his father and I aren't a couple. We were never really a couple, it began as just some casual fun while my ex was in prison and he was having issues with his wife.

I've liked him forever, so the true feelings have always been there, and he's the guy I've wanted to be with all this time.

We'd been hooking up regularly and behaving like a couple, but we both knew it was wrong and had to end.

But then I fell pregnant, I let him know straight off, expecting a panic and a push for abortion, but that never happened. He said it was totally up to me what I decided.

I was planning to have an abortion, but things changed because my ex wasn’t getting out of prison any time soon, and we’d been trying to have a baby for over two years without any luck.

Throughout my pregnancy, my baby's dad was amazing, he made sure we had everything and was right there at the birth too.

I let him pick the baby's name, even though I really don't like it, but I figured I'd let him have his way. The baby also carries his last name.

He made me get our baby circumcised, not for any religious reason, but just because his mum decided that for him when he was a baby. The procedure went well, but I still feel guilty about it every day.

Only a month in, he started getting really controlling and still is.

He doesn’t want baby on social media.

He’s always trying to control what I wear. I video called him, to show the baby, and his first reaction was about my outfit, he told me to change it up because now that I'm a mother, I should dress differently.

He keeps moaning and wants to control every little thing, and I seriously can't put up with it anymore.

I just wanna take my baby and move away; he's already got his wife and three kids.

OP posts:
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9
BudgetBuster · 03/05/2026 19:39

LizandDerekGoals · 03/05/2026 19:35

This thread is so sad. I cannot imagine how crap a life the op must have to end up with a boyfriend in prison and a controlling ex who is lying and cheating on his wife and isolating op from friends and family but she cannot see wrong.

She can see wrong. She just doesn't want to.
I think she made this thread while she was maybe a bit miffed off one day, but she's since got her weird baby daddy relationship back exactly where she wants it: he pays for everything, sleeps with her, so she does just what she's told.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 20:42

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lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 20:45

LizandDerekGoals · 03/05/2026 19:35

This thread is so sad. I cannot imagine how crap a life the op must have to end up with a boyfriend in prison and a controlling ex who is lying and cheating on his wife and isolating op from friends and family but she cannot see wrong.

I am no longer with him, thank god! and my sons father was never an ex, we were never ever together.

I always liked him, and I just knew that he had a good piece of 🍆 which got me hooked.

OP posts:
CodeAmber · 03/05/2026 21:30

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RampantIvy · 03/05/2026 22:14

You lack integrity and respect – respect for yourself and respect for other people. You seem to be unable to make sensible decisions about your love life – choosing to TTC with a criminal, then having unprotected sex with a married man. You have no boundaries and are setting a terrible example for your child.

You have no moral compass and act as though you don’t care about right or wrong.

Why are you doing this? Just why?

You have contradicted everything you have posted on this thread and show just how emotionally immature you are, then you complain that you have no friends.

I’m guessing that you are a teenager?

CallOfDemons · 03/05/2026 22:42

That poor child at the end of the day if him and his wife are still together when it’s older the wife may find out that way anyway… probably best to tell everybody the TRUTH! It always come out in the end anyway again that poor child in the middle of all of this 😔

LizzieW1969 · 03/05/2026 23:01

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 20:45

I am no longer with him, thank god! and my sons father was never an ex, we were never ever together.

I always liked him, and I just knew that he had a good piece of 🍆 which got me hooked.

You’re a disgrace with absolutely no moral compass hence why you’re having an affair with a married man. How can you be so brazen about it?

TunnocksOrDeath · 03/05/2026 23:08

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 02/05/2026 17:10

Can you stop this please, I feel as if you are getting pleasure out of it.

No one will be asking my child if he is related to anyone. Myself, my son and his family will never ever cross paths.

They will cross paths. As soon as your son has bodily autonomy, and any kind of money or phone access of his own he will find them.
He will find them via a phone directory or Facebook, or linkedin or a DNA kit service that offers to put you in touch with people who may be related to you.
There will be nothing you can do from stopping this from happening, and it WILL be awful.
OR You could rip the plaster off now, bring it all out into the open, let the man’s poor wife know that you don’t want him, you just don’t want to damage your child by raising him in the shadows as his father’s dirty secret.
do some reading into the shame, pain and MH issues experienced by children fathered and hidden by catholic priests (the articles are easy to find on line) to get a hint of what your son’s life will be like if you continue down this path.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 04/05/2026 06:24

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lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 04/05/2026 06:26

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lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 04/05/2026 06:29

RampantIvy · 03/05/2026 22:14

You lack integrity and respect – respect for yourself and respect for other people. You seem to be unable to make sensible decisions about your love life – choosing to TTC with a criminal, then having unprotected sex with a married man. You have no boundaries and are setting a terrible example for your child.

You have no moral compass and act as though you don’t care about right or wrong.

Why are you doing this? Just why?

You have contradicted everything you have posted on this thread and show just how emotionally immature you are, then you complain that you have no friends.

I’m guessing that you are a teenager?

Firstly I am not a teenager, and I slept with him because I wanted to, that’s the only reason.

BECAUSE I WANTED TO!

I never once said I didn’t have any friends, I do have friends but this isn’t something I feel comfortable discussing with, because I am actually ashamed and embarrassed.

OP posts:
BookArt55 · 04/05/2026 07:15

I've read all your posts, and I am confused...
Your thread title shows you call him controlling. Which he is, everyone has agreed with you.
You've said you want to put distance between you and him. Everyone has agreed with you.
But then you sleep with him- no distance.
You let him stay over- no distance.
You unblock him- no distance.
You open the front door to him and let him in- no distance.
Anytime someone points out his behaviour you defend him.
I don't agree with name calling.
But your thread has been entirely pointless except that you have offloaded your situation... maybe you need to read back what you have written and consider if a friend was telling you this what advice you would give them.
You wrote this thread knowing your situation isn't healthy for you and your son... but you've not taken on board any advice to make healthy changes.
I think people are frustrated with you. It is now coming across like you just like the drama.
And please don't say that you have never ever disrespected his wife. You do disrespect her every single time you sleep with him. And you disrespect yourself. You disrespect your son. You deserve better. Your son deserves to grow up seeing healthy relations, but that is most definitely not what this is. The father of your child is way worse, but you play your part. You can't change your ex, time to step up and make changes for you and your son. In some ways, I mean this kindly, I am glad you feel shame and embarassment- time to use that to fuel the changes. Step up, no more excuses for him. He's a disgusting human being, you and your son deserve better. No one should be second best.

BuckChuckets · 04/05/2026 07:39

This may well be a real situation, but she's obviously rage baiting - I suspect because she feels so shitty about the life she's brought her child into and is desperately trying to claw back some sense of, I dunno, control? She can wind people up in the internet to try to take her mind off her actual life.

SisterThorn · 04/05/2026 07:59

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 03/05/2026 12:50

I asked which power games I'm playing and how am I using my son as a pawn.

I slept with him because I wanted to, and I will probably do it again this week, and that’s me being honest. I enjoy being intimate with him!

I slept with him because I wanted to, and I will probably do it again this week, and that’s me being honest. I enjoy being intimate with him!

With all honesty, why the fuck are you here then? What do you want? A pat on the back and a there-there??

Seriously, you are acting like a kid. And yes you ARE harming your child, you ARE harming his other children, you ARE harming his wife.

Your clear lack of regard for anything apart from YOU is disgusting

SisterThorn · 04/05/2026 08:04

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So what happens in17 years when he does a dna test and finds all his half siblings?

And will this prince of father be around when he is older? How will he explain where he goes when not visiting his son?

You haven't even considered anyone except yourself and a quick shag with a man who wont have a decent and proper relationship with you. Is your life so sad you are not worth your own man?

Milothebunny · 04/05/2026 08:17

You are absolutely tapped!!
Doubt any of this is even true, but if it is, I truly feel sorry for the child.
You sound unhinged & unstable.

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 04/05/2026 08:38

Milothebunny · 04/05/2026 08:17

You are absolutely tapped!!
Doubt any of this is even true, but if it is, I truly feel sorry for the child.
You sound unhinged & unstable.

I have allowed people here to be rude to me, the moment I be rude back everyone has an issue with it.

I am beyond caring now, I said what I said and it’s probably true that their husbands/partner have a porn addiction, and they have ugly kids.

Don’t project on me.

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 04/05/2026 08:40

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 04/05/2026 08:38

I have allowed people here to be rude to me, the moment I be rude back everyone has an issue with it.

I am beyond caring now, I said what I said and it’s probably true that their husbands/partner have a porn addiction, and they have ugly kids.

Don’t project on me.

Ah yes, my kids must be ugly because I had them in a loving marriage and not via a sordid affair 😂

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 04/05/2026 08:41

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Therapyboop · 04/05/2026 08:53

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 19/04/2026 16:10

He's not trash, me and him have always had a connection.

HE IS MARRIED.

BuckChuckets · 04/05/2026 09:01

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😂😂😂

Therapyboop · 04/05/2026 09:02

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ForeverPombear · 04/05/2026 11:39

You two sound perfect for each other tbh, morals as low as each others.

I feel so sorry for the poor baby being brought into this.

Milothebunny · 04/05/2026 12:31

lifesbeenfeelingheavylately · 04/05/2026 08:38

I have allowed people here to be rude to me, the moment I be rude back everyone has an issue with it.

I am beyond caring now, I said what I said and it’s probably true that their husbands/partner have a porn addiction, and they have ugly kids.

Don’t project on me.

I am divorced and child free so, yeah nice try but hugely incorrect!!
You really are puddled!!

Milothebunny · 04/05/2026 12:36

You come across as having the mental capacity & intelligence of a child!!
Ridiculously immature!!
In black & white you appear completely idiotic.
I pray you are a troll and have not birthed a child.