To be enraged at my DH’s WFH laziness

[Plydrm]

I work in a very high pressure job and am the breadwinner (£55k) and DH works in a local government job at £36k and is based at home but does do the odd field visit.

I work from the office or ‘out and about’ most days but have the very odd day WFH.

I have compressed my working week and have a Wednesday off with our preschooler. This means the other weekdays I’m working long hours, plus a commute.

For the last 6 months or so I’ve noticed that if I message DH around lunch time I don’t hear from him until at least 3pm. I assumed he was busy dealing with meetings or out seeing clients.

I was WFH yesterday and was absolutely enraged to discover that he actually has a 2 hour nap every day (whilst on the clock).

Im frustrated by this for a number of reasons, including the fact that I don’t stop at work and rarely get a lunch break or any downtime at work. I also need to get dinner ready after work every night after being out the house 6am-5.30pm. He does do the odd laundry and keeps on top of the kitchen but other than this the housework waits until the weekend.

AIBU for being annoyed by this?

With the job I tend to think if he’s getting the work done and his team aren’t overwhelmed I wouldn’t really bother about it. In a way if you don’t like your job or feel
like you’re doing more than him, the solution is to change jobs or ask him to change rather then him work differently in the one he has.

That said, if he’s got time for a nap he’s got time to do a bit more around the house. Personally I think you should pop off for a nap every weekend for a couple of hours whilst he batch cooks and cleans.

Selfish, lazy and dishonest. I couldn’t respect a man like that.

I thought civil servants were on 60% in the office

Feminism is to blame for people abusing WFH?

I'm astonished that anyone working in government has time to have a nap. Most people are completely stretched and stressed with barely time to have a cuppa

Lazy sod,

I WFH and if its a quiet work day, I will do housework and/or prep dinner.

If he needs a nap then fair enough but 20/30 minutes is enough, that's what is recommended. Sounds like he's a selfish or thoughtfulness shit if he leaves dinner to you. Not an equal division of labor.

He is taking the piss out of both you and his job. I would be absolutely livid. His job is obviously a lot easier than yours so he should be doing more around the house. No way should you be dealing with dinner after your long work day when he has time for a 2 hour nap.

Did you get a Klaxon call from some sub-reddit to plop on to this thread?

Why doesn't he cook half the meals at least? He's the one home?

In a partnership you both bring different things to the table but should generally get the same down time. If he gets 2 hours a day nap, while you are rushing around and putting dinner on etc when you get home, you're going to get to the end of the week and feel knackered while he's going to feel refreshed. He should therefore be doing more at the weekends as you'll need some downtime. I suggest he starts cooking in the week. Also should he be considering either asking for more work in case he gets found out. Or putting in a flexible working request on the basis that its probably a normal job work of work if he condenses what he has to do into 4 days. He could then do childcare or all the housework on the other day

Can you give some background to the fact that he never makes an evening meal?

And when you say that the housework waits till the weekend, do you mean that he shares it with you at the weekend or he expects you to do it?

In my job - office based -I often have to try and contact people who are WFH and more often than not I can’t get hold of them. It’s infuriating.

Glad to know my hard earned taxes are paying for your bloody lazy DH to catch flies.

That doesn't mean they arent working. I 've changed jobs now but in my old job I WFH and was often in solid back to back teams meetings and struggled to even get a chance to wee never mind have a lunch break! Not being able to get hold of someone doesn't mean they aren't working

In my current role we record all our time (in house legal, public sector ). I largely WFH and regularly do 50 plus hours a week. On a good day I get a quick lunch break. And I am experienced and work efficiently. And I only finished at 5 today because I started at 7.30 am and worked through lunch. A client rang me twice and messaged me the other morning but I was in a meeting negotiating a complex document. Someone not replying to you doesn't tell you anything about how hard they work. In fact the busier I am the less responsive I am able to be - I just have to let some stuff slide.

Agree 100%. I was in a similar situation myself yesterday. That PP who thinks WFH people are slacking is really complaining that she misses being in the office and being able to see the person with their head down, in order to verify that they are not responding because they are working. Real lack of trust there.

I also need to get dinner ready after work every night after being out the house 6am-5.30pm.

I don’t understand why he’s not doing it.

Yes he’s ‘at work’ but he could easily prep this in the time he was meant to commute.

I used to WFH and although I don’t like it, the one thing I did like was that I was able to do my job plus do all of the cooking and cleaning in the time I would normally leave and get home in my non-WFH job.

I’m back to not WFH so I’m happier but there’s a lot to do when I get home and I would be so annoyed if I had someone WFH and the dinner wasn’t even prepped!!

That's out of order if he's literally meant to be working. Have none of his colleagues noticed when they need decisions or meetings or bits of work at short notice?

If he's allowed naps then you should be allowed either a two hour nap or two hours doing something you enjoy each day to make it fair.

This makes my piss boil for so many reasons. Firstly as a woman who is married and has a 'partner' you should be a team. So if he doesn't have enough work he could get a few things done at home to take the pressure off you in the evenings and at weekends, no doubt you do the majority of chores at the weekend too? Secondly I WFH 👨‍💻 occasionally but mostly in a busy office, the WFH days are without a doubt the easiest days and I get more done without distractions so I don't think he needs a nap. If he does need one every day he needs to see the GP. Thirdly as a small business owner employing 10 people he is absolutely taking the piss, but no doubt even if they wanted to fire him (which they should) they probably can't because of all the red tape. £36,000 Pa isn't a bad salary for an easy WFH job. He should be ashamed of himself and the example he is setting to his children. You should be more angry in my opinion, I completely agree with you.

Stop being a martyr and let him do more

There is zero reward for breaking your back with these men

Yup, it’s just one bloke taking a long lunch. Maybe.

Have considered that you might be a tad naive?

Just start delegating:

'Pete, the mince is defrosting on the counter, just make up the Bolognese and then boil a pack of pasta to go with it. Onions/carrots etc in the fridge for the Bolognese'

After about a year you won't need to micromanage a grown man into making a Bolognese, he'll develop initiative and do it himself. Hopefully.

Unless he's asleep.

Disappointing isn't it? And a huge, huge turn off.

Nice to see this quickly descended into a 'lets bash council workers' thread. A lazy person is a lazy person regardless of where they work.

That said, if this was my husband I'd be reading him the riot act for not pulling his weight both round the house and work wise.

@21ZIGGY council workers are not civil servants. Don't get the same pension for a start.

also need to get dinner ready after work every night after being out the house 6am-5.30pm. He does do the odd laundry and keeps on top of the kitchen but other than this the housework waits until the weekend.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. He can do his own laundry and cook his own meals.

Point out that he may be able to defraud his employer, but not his partner. 50/50 on everything from this point: childcare and domestic stuff. Neither of which require specific genitals so he can fucking sort himself out.

Lazy bastard. Start going out at weekends.

Wow, he could have an hour and a half nap and still do dinner, lazy bastard. Better still he could have no nap, pull his weight and be a decent employee and husband that doesn't take the piss out of the tax payer and his wife.