To be enraged at my DH’s WFH laziness

[Plydrm]

I work in a very high pressure job and am the breadwinner (£55k) and DH works in a local government job at £36k and is based at home but does do the odd field visit.

I work from the office or ‘out and about’ most days but have the very odd day WFH.

I have compressed my working week and have a Wednesday off with our preschooler. This means the other weekdays I’m working long hours, plus a commute.

For the last 6 months or so I’ve noticed that if I message DH around lunch time I don’t hear from him until at least 3pm. I assumed he was busy dealing with meetings or out seeing clients.

I was WFH yesterday and was absolutely enraged to discover that he actually has a 2 hour nap every day (whilst on the clock).

Im frustrated by this for a number of reasons, including the fact that I don’t stop at work and rarely get a lunch break or any downtime at work. I also need to get dinner ready after work every night after being out the house 6am-5.30pm. He does do the odd laundry and keeps on top of the kitchen but other than this the housework waits until the weekend.

AIBU for being annoyed by this?

'move the mouse' is a friend's answer to this

How are people getting away with this?! 😲

Seriously, as has been said, no wonder so many employers want their employees back in the office!

Quick question, are you and your team paid for contracted hours?
Or is it target related?

Move the mouse= a bottle of nail varnish, or something heavy, weighing down a button activates the cursor.

I would not be cooking another meal

Public sector, so sounds about right.

100pc agree with this.
I know people who 'WFH' who do school runs, look after babies, take care of grandchildren after school, have hairdresser appointments, attend school concerts and sports days, attend their allotment, play golf etc etc etc, all whilst wfh 😂

It depends some people need a nap I am told. But it would really annoy me.

"asking his manager for more work"

You really can't do this is many jobs.

He should be told off by his manager and if he continues to do that sacked. Tax payers money shouldn’t be funding naps!

Hmm, his work conduct isn't exactly your business IMO, unless he's risking losing his job and blowing up your family's finanical situation. Seems he can decide whether he's safe to take a nap? The housework seems like a separate issue that you just need to work what is fair and agreeable to everyone. Me and DH work out of the home similar hours and I still cook every night, even if he's wfh or back earlier, but he washes up. I am the only one who tidies but that's our way. I like things tidy. He does his own laundry at the weekend, I called time on being mama. And the person raging about men upthread- yeah good luck with that. It's in their wiring.

My husband doesn’t sleep well, well as in he’s awake really early and often uses his lunch hour for a nap. But my husband is much much older and it doesn’t affect anything else or anyone in the house. My husband was made to WFH since the beginning of covid. It made it him really depressed initially and for a long time. He missed the interaction of colleagues, he struggled with being in the house all day, he struggled from going to the spare room to the kitchen for his lunch. As a very sociable extrovert person, it was a real problem for him. Now not so much. He’s developed a routine of going to the gym one day and then a nap for the other day.
but not over his allotted time and as I’ve said with no consequences to anyone else. I do wonder if it’s a habit his body has got into but it’s his lunchtime to do as he wishes

Rubbish!

My local government dept has sacked someone for disappearing 2/3 hours every afternoon.

When they clocked on it was thoroughly investigated and she was let go. And she's not the only person to be sacked in the time I've been there.

That doesn't always work, as we have technology that susses that out.
Our systems also have audit trails that tell exactly what moves you've made; so of you're consistently unproductive, you will be found out.

in my government role though there is software that detects this.

It would raise alarms immediately, as would a 2 hour period of inactivity that is not logged.

it would be immediate dismissal for misconduct if anyone was found to be using these devices.

I’d check there’s no health issue?? Bizarre for an adult to have 2 hours of extra sleep each day and still be able to sleep at night. Really bizarre.

second all the other comments (aside from the weird unrelated feminism one)

Not the person you are replying too but all my roles so far have been about fulfilling hours over 5 days rather then set log on times. You do need to meet your objectives and your general day to day work bread and butter.

If he’s getting his job done, why is this a problem for you?

I think we still have a fair way to go in reaching equality though. A lot of women who never went back to full time work once the kids were grown have much more than an extra hour to themselves each day.

I'd not begrudge my partner a cheeky nap just because I was unable to.

So contracted hours, thanks.

Maybe he needs that nap to get through the day.

Inadequate middle managers more like

A friend works for local government like this man. They know if you're not working, key strokes, mouse activity, phone usage.

It's a cushy number he's got going there.

You’re not annoyed he is having a nap.
Youre annoyed he is not doing 50%+ of the household work.
YANBU!!!!!!!

But if they are still getting everything that needs doing done, is there a problem? Surely the issue is whether the role needs to actually exist (or at least be a full-time role) if everything can be done in much smaller amount of time.