To be enraged at my DH’s WFH laziness

[Plydrm]

I work in a very high pressure job and am the breadwinner (£55k) and DH works in a local government job at £36k and is based at home but does do the odd field visit.

I work from the office or ‘out and about’ most days but have the very odd day WFH.

I have compressed my working week and have a Wednesday off with our preschooler. This means the other weekdays I’m working long hours, plus a commute.

For the last 6 months or so I’ve noticed that if I message DH around lunch time I don’t hear from him until at least 3pm. I assumed he was busy dealing with meetings or out seeing clients.

I was WFH yesterday and was absolutely enraged to discover that he actually has a 2 hour nap every day (whilst on the clock).

Im frustrated by this for a number of reasons, including the fact that I don’t stop at work and rarely get a lunch break or any downtime at work. I also need to get dinner ready after work every night after being out the house 6am-5.30pm. He does do the odd laundry and keeps on top of the kitchen but other than this the housework waits until the weekend.

AIBU for being annoyed by this?

20 minutes out of my day when for the other four days I haven't had a lunch break and work more than my contracted hours isn't lazy. It was either that or take some more beta-blockers for stress. I don't have the kind of job that gives me two hours a day free, I barely have 30 minutes a day at the moment. I have a friend (who I admit I do judge) who used to use one of her wfh days to look after her toddler. But she is in the private sector so no one on mumsnet seems to think that's a problem for some reason.

A colleague of DHs did close up part of their factory for a shutdown but didn't know they had locked in two cleaners who were asleep on some shelves. So it's all sectors who take naps, including in the workplace!

I work in the public sector, massively under occupied as are my entire team. I am convinced this is why wfh is so popular in the public sector

of course, no one being in the office also limits your ability to make connections and create work/ projects so it’s self perpetuating.

I know posters will come on and say how busy they are in the public sector, but my team claim that too and they just aren’t.

Your husband is robbing his employers if he is claiming for 10 hours a week that he is not working.
The second issue is division of labour between the pair of you. I suggest you draw up a list of all the household tasks then sit down together to split them up so you are each putting in similar hours. However, if he opts for shopping, that should include the mental labour of working out what needs buying, not just a list you have drawn up.

“weaponised incompetence” is a real thing and sounds like it. There is a book called Fair Play and has deck of cards for fair distribution of work. Wish I had that and would have left my husband long before and not the right man to have kids with. I was the breadwinner and default parent and everything else.

This sounds like you're saying you suffer with your work so he should too. Which is pretty selfish.
Why don't you compromise by giving him one/some of your after work jobs to lighten the load on you and make your life a bit less stressful?

Your husband is defrauding the government ie public money.

i think this is dreadful.

he should go to the GP and have his health checked if he needs a 2 hour na a day

Im the breadwinner in our house and I work forvthe local authority. I WFH but I graft my ass off. I wouldn't have time for a nap let alone a 2 hour sleep. I often work through my lunch too.
Not only do I agree your husband is being lazy, but I also think he is taking the absolute piss out of his employer but also the public who actually pay his wage.
He shouldn't need babysitting but his boss should be making sure he is working. People like him give those who WFH a bad name. Id actually lose some respect for him it that was my husband.

There’s some very odd views of local government work on this thread. As someone who works on one of the teams in the housing dept for our local council I can assure you that not only my team but every team in that dept works very hard and is certainly not tossing it off all the time like some of these comments claim!
We also work flexi time so as long as we cover our minimum weekly work hours (37.5) and within our daily allowed working times of 7:30-18:30 then that’s fine.
I also work from home some days and as I work from my kitchen and my headset lead is long enough I can often be found answering a call and dealing with a query whilst folding my washing, doing my pots or prepping tea.
This isn’t a LG worker or WFH issue, it’s a DH issue!

I work from home too (58k vs him 70k if that matters) I do all the school runs, parents evenings, appointments, assemblies, sports days, dropping off to classes etc. during my working day which sometimes means I have to catch up at night. I do the food shopping and the majority of the cooking, all of the laundry and 75% of the housework. He washes up, puts the bins out and we will occasionally do a big blitz together on the weekend. Your husband is being lazy and at very least should be preparing a meal instead of a 2 hour nap.

Almost all local authority jobs are flexitime though, sometimes I take two hours in the day to do something else. I know people that attend classes, go to the gym, have hair appointments etc… but as long as we get our hours done between 7am - 8pm it doesn’t matter. It’s the whole reason I work for a local authority and not in private practice so that work fits around my family life.

My DH works from home, he has to
move his Computer mouse every 15 mins before the system clocks him out! He’s only allowed a 30mins lunch break, clocking in/out. He’s taking the P1$$ out of his employers and you xx

Horrible to read these comments on public sector workers! Me and my colleagues work our arses off in a really stressful role and often work at night or weekends to get reports completed. If it was a nap now and then and he then worked on I don’t see the issue but if it’s all the time that’s different! Also people even in the office don’t usually work constantly, they chat etc, I get more done at home

He should be doing the dinner if he’s home first … however, £55k v £36k is hardly the breadwinner and if you’re as busy and pressured as you say you are, sounds like you are being underpaid!

That wage is a managers wage in a public sector job which I can confirm is extremely high pressured and stressful, most managers within my team are working more than salaried hours to get work done

This infuriates me as someone who WFH. I work 10hr days, study full-time when not in work, juggle 3 kids, a husband with a deteriorating muscular condition, and 2 dogs. I do not stop. He really does give people like myself (also working for the government), a bad image. Alas! Some people are so desperate for a bit of gratification to make themselves feel better on these threads - They'll automatically think we are all like it. It doesn't matter where you work, but there will always be someone taking the piss.

People calling in fake sick, people being whinge bags, people working bare minimum of hours, doing bare minimum at work, people not working at all because 'oooh I'm a SAHM and my husband earns millions, but I'm gonna give me opinion on people who WFH even though I'd be screwed if my partner left me.'

YANBU - Read him his rights, OP. While you and I are out here slogging our guts out - Your husband is taking the piss, and Netmums are salivating with glee over posts like this.

He should be prepping dinner and tidying as a minimum during the day if he has time for a 2h sleep

The breadwinner though..... christ. You're not earning that much more than him. 🤣

Yep ive heard many people mention the moving mouse trick! Shocking! I dont get how so many employers can afford to pay for staff that are not actually working!!

And Unison tell us how hard working LGOs are….
What a joke. These are our TAXES.

I'd be livid... because I pay council tax... no job allows you to have a 3 hour nap on the clock. There's always something to do and if he's finished tasks he should be looking up things that could improve council services generally. This is the piss taking that has shot everyone else in the arse!

In what way are you ‘the breadwinner’? You earn similar, average amounts.

His salary is average, hers is £19k more. It's reasonable to call her the breadwinner and not reasonable to call her an average earner.

Because he's a fully grown adult and shouldn't need telling

OP even if he worked in the office, and even if he didn’t have a nap which makes you questions whether he has a medical need you need to investigate as it’s quite excessive, this is about his general laziness. Why are you doing the bulk of the housework when you both work (salary is irrelevant, it’s time spent out the house).

Why are you leaving first thing and getting back later and he has done zero prep. Why can’t he give the bathroom a quick clean at lunch so neither of you do cleaning at the weekends and can be together and relax as a family?

He generally needs to pull his weight and YOU need to voice that.

Why as a taxpayer am I paying him to waste my money is an entirely different conversation.