To be enraged at my DH’s WFH laziness

[Plydrm]

I work in a very high pressure job and am the breadwinner (£55k) and DH works in a local government job at £36k and is based at home but does do the odd field visit.

I work from the office or ‘out and about’ most days but have the very odd day WFH.

I have compressed my working week and have a Wednesday off with our preschooler. This means the other weekdays I’m working long hours, plus a commute.

For the last 6 months or so I’ve noticed that if I message DH around lunch time I don’t hear from him until at least 3pm. I assumed he was busy dealing with meetings or out seeing clients.

I was WFH yesterday and was absolutely enraged to discover that he actually has a 2 hour nap every day (whilst on the clock).

Im frustrated by this for a number of reasons, including the fact that I don’t stop at work and rarely get a lunch break or any downtime at work. I also need to get dinner ready after work every night after being out the house 6am-5.30pm. He does do the odd laundry and keeps on top of the kitchen but other than this the housework waits until the weekend.

AIBU for being annoyed by this?

The nap wouldn't bother me IF he was getting a lot done around the house. Honestly if I could nap a couple of hours a day I would be a better person overall. But there's no way I would nap for two hours when dinner needs to be prepped and other chores could be done during that time.

Thank you for saying this, as most government workers i know are actually working 7 hours extra a week with 15min breaks in a day. Believe me, it's not glamorous. It's far far harder and stressful than my private sector roles. Where i will add i worked with many people who would have "client lunches" of 2 hours plus, aka shopping trips... It's not a sector thing, it's a lazy person thing where they can get away with it. No doubt some of his colleagues pick up the slack not realising it, working those 7 hours extra a week... I have seen this once in my civil service career. This person was found out and dismissed.

I wish!

My LA laptop has a timer on it that shows as ‘away’ if the keyboard isn’t touched for three minutes. This is set centrally by the LA and cannot be changed.

How does your DH get round this @Plydrm?

I feel it ruins WFH for everyone!

🤔🤔🤔

does he have a medical condition?

Is it definitely every day? What’s his nighttime sleep like if has a 2 hr day nap? I can’t believe he can even get away with it. Like, does no one from work message him on Teams? He must appear yellow on Teams all that time but his boss doesn’t care?

First of all why does he need a 2 hour nap every single day? That’s crazy. is he ok??

I WFH 3 days a week and have young children who get up constantly in the night, I am shattered most days, but I don’t nap during work hours and honestly that takes some discipline some days.

I spend the majority of my lunch break time and any small time I have here and there doing things around the house, prepping dinner etc.

THIS. I wouldn’t give two hoots if he were cheating work time, as long as he pulled his weight when it comes to the household and family.

I mean you can do whatever on your lunchbreak, have a wank if you want but not sleep on the job!

He needs to be pulling his weight. In his “nap time” he could be catching up with chores and prepping a meal! I’d be fuming. You need a full on rethink of your domestic arrangements.

Have you not balanced a book on the space bar?

Cut and pasting my response from a thread from yesterday. I'm literally going to do this daily from now on as it's almost universally applicable to any MN thread where a DH is involved:

Christ, why are women not raging, marching, throwing bottles on the street, something, anything?!
Post after post on MN showing that as a general rule men are habitually fucking cunts to women.
And don't NAMALT me - all men benefit from the bad things that bad men do to women, because women don't know which ones are the bad ones so they learn to behave, to tiptoe around men, to put their needs first, to not see the incredible inequality in even the most liberal homes.
So unless your lovely DH is challenging other men (and the system more broadly) every time he sees bad things done to women - HE'S FUCKING LIKE THAT.
And so often, women are so gaslit/socialised/worn down that they can't even see what's going on. Literally the whole structure of society is dedicated to making sure that continues to be the case, because can you imagine if women just said, fuck this, I'm being exploited and abused by this man and the system I live in, but now I'm saying No.

To be completely honest, I work from home - though I am self employed. I have a nap almost every day. I still get just as much done in the working day as I would with the distractions of an office. I'm not on the clock as I get paid per project no matter how long it takes.

As long as his company are happy with his output, I think.. don't hate the player, hate the game.

It's not his nap that's the problem, it's the fact he does fuck all else.

People who work for the LA aren't civil servants

Ok thanks for being the third person to tell me that

I agree. I know quite a few people who work from home, and they swing the lead something awful. I know some people claim they work soooo much better and are more productive at home, but the majority of people I know who work from home, are quite lazy, and take the piss.

They spend too much time pissing about on the internet, doing the washing, scrolling through their phone, washing up and hoovering, chatting to people outside and on the phone, walking the dog, sunbathing, having little naps, and having 1.5 hour lunch breaks. They also finish around 3.45pm to 4pm.

No WAY would anyone get away with this if they worked in the office. It's high time people were made to go back into the office. Never mind the list of excuses about the dog, the kids, and all sorts of crap they will inevitably come out with. GET BACK TO WORK!

If he’s WFH most days then there should be no reason for doing housework at the weekends! That’s ridiculous. I WFH 3 days a week (usually Weds/thurs/Fri) and I can manage to keep on top of most stuff like laundry and I do a house clean on a Friday every week so it’s nice for the weekend. I wouldn’t expect my husband to spend his weekend doing shit chores like washing and cleaning when I can easily do it through the week! Also tbh I don’t wanna be doing it either so I try and make sure it’s done! Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been known to have a cheeky nap but usually if I’ve had a bad night and I’m currently pregnant so it can’t be helped sometimes 😂 he is taking the piss.

You have every right to be annoyed OP, you are doing a disproportionate amount of chores and household stuff.
Re 2 hour nap, I'm not surprised.
The number of people who I know who 'WFH' & take the p* is phenomenal.
I appreciate that is a topic for another thread and I will get shouted down by many but the fact remains.

Why do you feel the need to describe yourself as the 'breadwinner' when he earns nearly £40k a year, and you don't earn that much more than him? His career choices sound preferable to yours.

YANBU to be annoyed. But maybe not for the reasons you are.

You should be annoyed that he’s a CF with no morals and is at risk of losing his job.

• People are struggling to afford council tax (and councils are struggling to provide services, leaving vulnerable people with little help) yet he’s flushing their money down the toilet by sleeping on the job.
• People are desperate for employment (including many bright, hard-working young people, not to mention lone parents, who’d love a WFH job), but he’s taken a council job (with likely good T&Cs), yet the ungrateful so-and-so takes the piss.
• He can likely be digitally monitored (via keyboard use) and is risking disciplinary action. If he was sacked from his job, making it hard to get another, how would your family manage financially? Does he care?

Also, why can’t he get a better paid job, so you both earn a similar amount? I hope he pays the same towards household expenses as you. So you can use your extra earnings for your own savings.

On household chores, if he works the same hours as you, because you have the added commute, he should do more than half of all the household chores (physical and admin). As your job is more physically demanding, he should do more of the physical chores (cleaning, cooking, laundry etc). You can do more of the admin, while you physically rest.

If he won’t cook at least half the week (nutritious meals cooked to a good standard - YouTube is his friend), stop making his dinner. He can get his own. He’s not your child.

That is a ridiculous, ignorant thing to say.

Not true. I’ve sacked hundreds over the years.

Noone should be sleeping whilst they are being paid to work. He has poor work ethic and to me that is unattractive. However you are focused on this and not the fact that your home set up is awful.

My dh wfh 2 days a week and my dinner is cooked and kids are fed before I get in. If I am not working on one of those days then I cook.If he is home before you why on earth are you not sharing the cooking so you both do set days? If you do long hours and he is napping in the day the least he can do is cook the evening meal. I have no idea why you have taken on being the breadwinner and being responsible for everything else. What on earth do you get out of this else up? Having further children with this man would be idiotic. You will end up burnt out and resentful if you continue on this way.

This just illustrates how people swing the lead. Your husband has your dinner cooked and ready before you get in from work, AND the kids are already fed?!

Seriously, you're not winning any argument for people who 'work from home' being hard working and industrious in their job! 😂 Sounds like your DH finishes work at half two in the afternoon!