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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be enraged at my DH’s WFH laziness

263 replies

Plydrm · 17/04/2026 15:33

I work in a very high pressure job and am the breadwinner (£55k) and DH works in a local government job at £36k and is based at home but does do the odd field visit.

I work from the office or ‘out and about’ most days but have the very odd day WFH.

I have compressed my working week and have a Wednesday off with our preschooler. This means the other weekdays I’m working long hours, plus a commute.

For the last 6 months or so I’ve noticed that if I message DH around lunch time I don’t hear from him until at least 3pm. I assumed he was busy dealing with meetings or out seeing clients.

I was WFH yesterday and was absolutely enraged to discover that he actually has a 2 hour nap every day (whilst on the clock).

Im frustrated by this for a number of reasons, including the fact that I don’t stop at work and rarely get a lunch break or any downtime at work. I also need to get dinner ready after work every night after being out the house 6am-5.30pm. He does do the odd laundry and keeps on top of the kitchen but other than this the housework waits until the weekend.

AIBU for being annoyed by this?

OP posts:
Fuzzymuddle33 · 20/04/2026 08:15

Just to defend WFH, I work from home and public sector and I account for every part of my day. If I take an hour long break I record it (and am obviously unpaid for it). I am busy and productive.

this man is making a mockery of the benefit.

TestTickle · 20/04/2026 08:16

ThatCyanCat · 20/04/2026 06:37

His salary is average, hers is £19k more. It's reasonable to call her the breadwinner and not reasonable to call her an average earner.

Show quote history

I disagree, they won't be contributing substantially different amounts for the pot and I imagine the family needs both salaries to get by, so they are both the "breadwinners"

Pherian · 20/04/2026 08:22

Plydrm · 17/04/2026 15:33

I work in a very high pressure job and am the breadwinner (£55k) and DH works in a local government job at £36k and is based at home but does do the odd field visit.

I work from the office or ‘out and about’ most days but have the very odd day WFH.

I have compressed my working week and have a Wednesday off with our preschooler. This means the other weekdays I’m working long hours, plus a commute.

For the last 6 months or so I’ve noticed that if I message DH around lunch time I don’t hear from him until at least 3pm. I assumed he was busy dealing with meetings or out seeing clients.

I was WFH yesterday and was absolutely enraged to discover that he actually has a 2 hour nap every day (whilst on the clock).

Im frustrated by this for a number of reasons, including the fact that I don’t stop at work and rarely get a lunch break or any downtime at work. I also need to get dinner ready after work every night after being out the house 6am-5.30pm. He does do the odd laundry and keeps on top of the kitchen but other than this the housework waits until the weekend.

AIBU for being annoyed by this?

Most government jobs require two days a week average working from the office. I had an interview with DVSA a couple months ago and according to them - it’s mandated by the government for all government staff.

How is he avoiding his work for two hours a day while he sleeps ? Is he using a mouse mover or jamming his keys ?

He could get sacked for this and that’s the part that would make me angry. Even though he’s only on £36k that’s still money every month you won’t have if he does gets caught out.

TestTickle · 20/04/2026 09:04

Pherian · 20/04/2026 08:22

Most government jobs require two days a week average working from the office. I had an interview with DVSA a couple months ago and according to them - it’s mandated by the government for all government staff.

How is he avoiding his work for two hours a day while he sleeps ? Is he using a mouse mover or jamming his keys ?

He could get sacked for this and that’s the part that would make me angry. Even though he’s only on £36k that’s still money every month you won’t have if he does gets caught out.

Show quote history

Local government isn't part of the civil service

ClovisWrites · 20/04/2026 10:30

ThatCyanCat · 20/04/2026 06:37

His salary is average, hers is £19k more. It's reasonable to call her the breadwinner and not reasonable to call her an average earner.

Show quote history

Calling yourself ‘the breadwinner’ is always a wanky thing to do, but I suppose it makes sense if you earn like £200,000, and your partner doesn’t work. There’s no bragging rights in £55,000, earning slightly more than your partner doesn’t make them your slave.

JJMama · 20/04/2026 13:30

He’s taking you for a sucker. Don’t let him. He needs to step up with his child and job and relationship! What a loser! As my students would say, it gives me the ick!

jellyfish798 · 20/04/2026 14:46

WhatAMarvelousTune · 17/04/2026 15:59

YANBU about the split of the housework.

YABU to be more annoyed just because you work flat out and don’t get a break. That’s not relevant. If you were able to take a lunch break every day it would still be unreasonable of him to do this while leaving all housework to you.

This.

IsThistheMiddleofNowhere · 20/04/2026 15:17

The only person entitled to be annoyed here is his employer. It's clearly taking the piss and if he gets all his work done with a 2 hr nap break each day then his salary should be reduced to part time hours as his workload clearly doesn't take a full day

Newyearawaits · 20/04/2026 19:43

BeeDavis · 17/04/2026 20:05

If he’s WFH most days then there should be no reason for doing housework at the weekends! That’s ridiculous. I WFH 3 days a week (usually Weds/thurs/Fri) and I can manage to keep on top of most stuff like laundry and I do a house clean on a Friday every week so it’s nice for the weekend. I wouldn’t expect my husband to spend his weekend doing shit chores like washing and cleaning when I can easily do it through the week! Also tbh I don’t wanna be doing it either so I try and make sure it’s done! Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been known to have a cheeky nap but usually if I’ve had a bad night and I’m currently pregnant so it can’t be helped sometimes 😂 he is taking the piss.

House clean on a Friday whilst wfh?

Forthesteps · 20/04/2026 22:09

Tuesdayschild50 · 18/04/2026 18:27

I was thinking the same.

Show quote history

You weren't 'thinking' at all. Just indulging in lazy prejudice .

Forthesteps · 20/04/2026 22:13

IgetyouOP · 19/04/2026 12:55

I work in the public sector, massively under occupied as are my entire team. I am convinced this is why wfh is so popular in the public sector

of course, no one being in the office also limits your ability to make connections and create work/ projects so it’s self perpetuating.

I know posters will come on and say how busy they are in the public sector, but my team claim that too and they just aren’t.

Oh leave OFF.
Stop accusing strangers of lying. If your team are lazy what's wrong with your management skills?

RoyGary · 21/04/2026 12:48

Plydrm · 17/04/2026 15:33

I work in a very high pressure job and am the breadwinner (£55k) and DH works in a local government job at £36k and is based at home but does do the odd field visit.

I work from the office or ‘out and about’ most days but have the very odd day WFH.

I have compressed my working week and have a Wednesday off with our preschooler. This means the other weekdays I’m working long hours, plus a commute.

For the last 6 months or so I’ve noticed that if I message DH around lunch time I don’t hear from him until at least 3pm. I assumed he was busy dealing with meetings or out seeing clients.

I was WFH yesterday and was absolutely enraged to discover that he actually has a 2 hour nap every day (whilst on the clock).

Im frustrated by this for a number of reasons, including the fact that I don’t stop at work and rarely get a lunch break or any downtime at work. I also need to get dinner ready after work every night after being out the house 6am-5.30pm. He does do the odd laundry and keeps on top of the kitchen but other than this the housework waits until the weekend.

AIBU for being annoyed by this?

DH sounds like an absolute lad

fouleetmites · 21/04/2026 13:00

I used to wfh for LA for many years. Bored me to death and I was constantly asking for more work as I didn’t have enough. I have a good work ethic and prefer to be busy. The lack of work gave me a complete lack of motivation and it was a vicious cycle. I actively looked for a different career as I couldn’t continue in this boring, sleep inducing rut and have escaped after many years. So many people I know there were also looking for work to do. Ridiculous. Doesn’t excuse the fact that he is doing nothing to help out household wise. I used to get everything done. Feel hard done by now doing it in my own time. 😬

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