AIBU to feel hurt by our childminder's abrupt goodbye?

[Bitzy123]

My partner dropped off the kids at the childminders (who gave notice to us four weeks ago) this morning. Yesterday we dropped off flowers and chocolates. Grandma will pick them up this evening so my partner who does all the pick ups and drop offs won't see her again and not will anyone after today. She said she had given notice for personal reasons and gave no other reasons after looking after my son for 2 years who is 2 years 7 months and my other son who is 20 months. She has had them both since months old. There has never been much more handover or communication from her (I found out other childminders give comprehensive info on naps mealtimes etc) and she has only ever told us things when my partner asks. She has always been pleasant and reliable though and I thought we were good. It really knocked me for 6 when she gave notice but we have found someone else. I guess I just find it strange the lack of anything. I wanted to be gracious despite her binning us off and got her a big box of chocolates, nice flowers and a thank you card signed from all of us.

This morning my partner updated me after drop off that she barely said anything and was about to shut the door on him before he could wish her well and say bye etc, he said all th best and she said 'oh yes I wont see you later will I I hope it goes well with the new minder'. She has 20 years experience and 2 grown up sons of her own. We have never had any conflict, I wondered why she has been so cold at the end after she has been the one to slight us? Before people chime in with 'shw owes you nothing' etc I know all that already I understand nobody owes anyone anything! I just feel hurt that she didn't even have a few words to say before leaving even if she doesn't owe them.. to us a childminder has been meaningful and someone whom we've trusted to care for our sons since they were both 5 months old on this journey that is parenting etc. I wonder what we've done wrong or what went wrong?

I have a close family member who is a (very good) childminder and my daughter also attends one.

If she's given you notice and is keeping the other children, it's down to numbers, behaviour or a clash of parenting style. Some CMS swap older children out for younger, due to the funding (they get paid more for younger children by the local authority) but that usually happens around age 3. It's more likely to be that something is making her day harder, or throwing off the balance of the wider group.

If she hasn't told you, you're very unlikely to find out now, so it's best to just let it go. It sounds like you have a complete clash of communication styles anyway, so it's probably for the best.

For what it's worth, it's the bare minimum for CMS to give an update on progress, naps, activities, toileting, feeding etc. - even if it's just a quick chat on collection. It's pretty poor if she's not doing that.

The presents are a really nice idea - again, I think it's the minimum to give a gift at Christmas, end of year etc. to the people who look after our children. It's common courtesy to say thank you for a gift, so understandable to be upset if she ignores it.

She was likely rushed off her feet in the morning, with other children to keep an eye on too. As people have said, she still had a full day to complete - if you'd been picking up you may have gotten a proper 'goodbye'.

The CM didn’t say good bye to you @Bitzy123 . She said goodbye to your partner who then told you that he didnt think much of her send off. Perhaps the CM’s goodbye to you would have been more effusive. So really you’re feeling upset about a goodbye that was said to someone else!