AIBU to feel hurt by our childminder's abrupt goodbye?

[Bitzy123]

My partner dropped off the kids at the childminders (who gave notice to us four weeks ago) this morning. Yesterday we dropped off flowers and chocolates. Grandma will pick them up this evening so my partner who does all the pick ups and drop offs won't see her again and not will anyone after today. She said she had given notice for personal reasons and gave no other reasons after looking after my son for 2 years who is 2 years 7 months and my other son who is 20 months. She has had them both since months old. There has never been much more handover or communication from her (I found out other childminders give comprehensive info on naps mealtimes etc) and she has only ever told us things when my partner asks. She has always been pleasant and reliable though and I thought we were good. It really knocked me for 6 when she gave notice but we have found someone else. I guess I just find it strange the lack of anything. I wanted to be gracious despite her binning us off and got her a big box of chocolates, nice flowers and a thank you card signed from all of us.

This morning my partner updated me after drop off that she barely said anything and was about to shut the door on him before he could wish her well and say bye etc, he said all th best and she said 'oh yes I wont see you later will I I hope it goes well with the new minder'. She has 20 years experience and 2 grown up sons of her own. We have never had any conflict, I wondered why she has been so cold at the end after she has been the one to slight us? Before people chime in with 'shw owes you nothing' etc I know all that already I understand nobody owes anyone anything! I just feel hurt that she didn't even have a few words to say before leaving even if she doesn't owe them.. to us a childminder has been meaningful and someone whom we've trusted to care for our sons since they were both 5 months old on this journey that is parenting etc. I wonder what we've done wrong or what went wrong?

I understood how you feel @Bitzy123 . It’s an abrupt end to 2 years, whose fundamental reason for being is a personal relationship.

😂

What are you doing for childcare now?

She doesn't sound like much of a loss tbh if there is no feedback etc. Surely this is part of her role? Some childminders are better than others it is fair to say. She does sound disinterested and quite ill mannered too though. Some childminders are not that interested in children, we recently found out, and just in it for the money and ability to do as they like. Our friend witnessed a childminder who lives close to her just leaves the kids in her back garden and closes the door, rarely checks on them, leaves babies in prams to cry. They are bored as nothing to do. Sometimes they hit one another, and she tells them not to tell tales. If she does come out if it's sunny she sunbathes or scrolls on her phone. She has her own children who are terrible behaved, both alone and with the minded kids in the garden, but it obviously suits her to stay at home. She is all smiles on parent collection, picking them up when she has not been near them all day. How do your children feel about your childminder, i wonder? Even tiny ones show you how they feel and if they are comfortable.

On your previous thread, I thought you’d come to the conclusion it was that your 2.5 had been doing a lot of hitting? Also she’s in her late 50s… maybe she’s winding down? Also mentioned on your previous thread.

you did also say that you were spiralling about it - i think you just need to put all this to bed now

It’s the end of a business relationship. She probably didn’t think ‘closure’ or an emotional goodbye was necessary.

It’s also entirely possible that she was quite busy and needed to get back to minding any other children there/doing whatever it was she was busy with.

im a Childminder. And she could have said good luck as quickly as goodbye at the door.

I think people saying this are being a bit deliberately contrary. I think it's normal to say goodbye at the end of a two year business relationship. It would be like if a member of staff that works for me left after two years and I didn't bother to say goodbye or good luck because, after all, it's just a transactional relationship. Are people really saying that's what they'd expect in that situation?

I’m being neither deliberately nor accidentally contrary.

She did say goodbye and good luck. She just wasn’t emotional about it, which seems to OP’s issue.

Only once she was put on the spot!

oh yes I wont see you later will I I hope it goes well with the new minder'.

morning drop off of her mindees….. She was busy and focussed on them. She wished the parent well and then turned her attention back to her charges. As a good CM should.

I really don't believe that if your boss said to you 'oh yeah it's your last day isn't it well hope your new job goes ok' that you'd consider that a normal way of closing a business relationship of two years.

Also she sounds like a barely adequate childminder- crap communication and can't handle a 2 year old going through a hitting phase...

I wouldn’t because I have always had a very positive relationship with all my bosses.

Had this not been that case… then no.

The fact the op isn’t aware of what the issue is, doesn’t mean the CM didn’t have an issue with either the partner or Op that the op was
not aware of.

Well she’s been doing it for decades and obviously isn’t short on people wanting to use her.

Indeed, the op trusted and liked her enough she put her second child in to her care. Quite extensive care.

Or because she was busy and was quickly going through the usual pick-up routine, the fact that it was ‘the last day’ having slipped her mind at that moment.

‘oh yes I wont see you later will I I hope it goes well with the new minder'.

That reads like the reaction of someone that has genuinely just remembered, not someone that’s been ‘put on the spot’.

The OP has started two threads and replied (politely I might add) to posters. I don’t think that’s indicative of some sort of deep seated attitudinal problem that would cause the childminder to give notice. More likely it’s two little boys close in age winding one another up and being Hard Work.

Well, clearly you know best.

Or
brace yourself
a different view to you

It isn’t about a different view. It’s the fact that it’s ridiculous to state so authoritatively that the reason the childminder is giving notice is because the OP had the temerity to start more than one thread and has posted replies on those threads.

The OP doesn’t even seem to be the one who mostly deals with the childminder.

I would definitely be upset if our childcare came to an abrupt end and I would also be questioning whether it was something to do with us or our children. I’ve never been anything other than supportive of school and nursery, however; I’m sure the OP hadn’t been either.

You must have missed

I think

I don’t need your modus operandi of c & p the OPs past posts, thanks, we can all use advance search.