Some girls don’t look after their hair and it gets bugs in it

[Fishfingerssmellfishy]

The class assistant in Dd’s class told her today, after putting up her hair…again
Dd has just past shoulder length, curly hair, it’s tricky to style and takes a long time. Dd is Nd and hates having her hair done.
Sometimes I can get it into a nice french plait, normal plait, ponytail or bun if she’s having a calm morning before school. Sometimes I can’t and I pick my battles and sometimes she simply wants to wear it down, so we do.
With it being curly and her running around, it invariably gets a little messy.
Recently, Dd has been coming home with it in a quite messy ponytail and telling me the classroom assistant keeps doing it

Aibu to find this a bit annoying/feel a bit offended?

It’s a very mean way of putting it. Children are not responsible for their own health and wellbeing - a child who has ongoing, untreated lice is being neglected, not “not looking after their hair”. And most of the time lice come from perfectly clean children who caught it from another perfectly clean child. I would be pretty appalled at this as it enables children to say to anyone who has lice that they don’t look after themselves and are unclean!

Don’t rely on the email, IME they don’t always send one
I once notified school that DD had nits, and there was no communication from school (so I told her friends’ parents but would have been easier if school had just sent the email!)

You are unreasonable and I honestly can't see the issue. Many children who refuse to let their mothers do their hair happily let others do it. She is doing a job for you, possibly because she understands that your DD may not be cooperative at home. She is explaining to DD why kids need to put their hair up. It's not just about nits either, it can be in the way. I work with younger kids and while we don't have a rule I sometimes tie their hair up. It gets in their way during art, it can dip into paint, it gets stuck in zips or makes it tricky to put on coats or aprons. Other kids mess with it because it hangs in their face or onto laps when they are sitting close together. And most annoying, hair falls out. It's not pleasant when I'm tidying up a box of legs or blocks and I've to pull out random long curly hairs.

But it wasn’t necessary and the TA has accused the child with lice of not looking after herself when that is, in fact, the parent’s job. I tell my DD when she questions why she needs her hair up that they can catch lice from others and that they bite you and make you itchy. That’s enough for her. No need to talk about the cleanliness of other children.

If your child doesn’t like having her hair done she will hate having it combed for nits! Put it up in a sensible quick style each day to reduce the chance of getting them.

You def need to find a way to get her up every day. Nits are rife in primary school. We had a ta that would tie girls hair back if they came in with it loose. She shouldn’t have to do your job

Most girls at the First school I work at (Foundation - Year 4) have their hair tied in bunches/plaits etc. It's practical for PE/science/art and it does prevent children from catching nits.

Trying to treat nits in long hair is a nightmare in itself, but in curly hair, it's even worse. Just because your daughter has been lucky enough to not catch nits, doesn't mean she can't or won't in the future! Prevention is better than cure...if you tie her hair up, it will go a long way in preventing her from catching nits!!

I think the TA was trying to prevent your daughter from catching nits, by encouraging her to wear her hair up. She's trying to help your daughter!!

Sorry, that's a myth.
Nits prefer unwashed hair that isn't smelling of chemicals they abhore.
They smell the scalp to locate the blood.
It's much harder if it reeks Tea Tree shampoo or Apple conditioner.

It sounds like the TA is saying that with hair down it is more likely to come into contact with other people's hair and she might catch nits (or pass them on) and that's why she's tying her hair back. It makes perfect sense to me and I can't see it's a big deal.

I put my DD’s hair up every day, even if just into a quick pony tail. If my DD complains I tell her it’s so that she doesn’t get nits. We have messages from school a couple times a term to warn of nits and to remind about hair being up.

100% agree with this comment!

I find that amazing. I'm not doubting you, but what advice did the schools give when there was an out break of nits? It is just so prevalent in primary school here. Were there no outbreaks (or continuous waves) where you taught?

I can remember the nit nurse coming in to check in our school when I was young and then desparately wishing they still had a nit nurse when our kids went through as some parents seemed to be deliberately obtuse about checking and treating properly.

This is a myth

A braid might be an easier style to manage than a pony. Lots of dc are sensitive to the feel of hair being pulled up in, or let down from a pony. It doesn’t have to be up - tied back is also fine.

I had an ongoing fantasy scenario for several years with my sensitive dc where I would pretend to be a hair dressing bunny, who had hopped in the window to style their hair and I would describe some outrageous and elaborate up do involving dye, feathers etc and then hop away, and then ask in my mum voice who did her hair and be amazed at her bunny hairdresser stories. Bunny did “face paint” too in the summer when she needed sunblock.

I got very, very tired of Bunny but she got the job done.

That's an awful thing to say. Nits happen, clean hair, dirty hair, hair up or down.

We were asked to tie back all of the girls hair (and long haired boys) daily, in our school.

You can be offended, but the fact is that she is much more likely to catch lice if you don’t tie it back

Nits do not prefer clean hair at all, they will attach themselves to any hair!

The TA ys overstepping and shouldn't be tying hair up unless asked to or there's some specific H&S hazard. My Dd would not keep her hair tied up for more than a few minutes at a time at that age and never got nits. No-one else's business but yours and your DD how she wears her hair.

It's an unpleasant thing to say but it's myth that nits prefer clean hair. It doesn't make any difference whether the hair is dirty or clean.

I had long hair all through school and never once wore it up. Two of my children have hair past their waist and have never tied it up. It's their hair, if they don't want it tied up then it doesn't get tied up.

Op if she was saying DD’s hair needs to be tied back because of the risk of nits (ie your dd catching nits) it’s a valid point. Nits are an absolute nightmare and all three of mind went through the wringer with them for what felt like centuries! Are you saying that the TA specifically implied your DD could pass on nits or was it a more general comment? If it was the former, then unless the TA was aware your DD has nits, that’s not how to handle the situation (and even if she does have nits, there are better ways of dealing with it) but I’m not sure based on what you’ve written?

Absolute Rubbish!!!

My kids’ schools explicitly asked for hair to be tied back because of the prolific nature of nits. You were very lucky!