Some girls don’t look after their hair and it gets bugs in it

[Fishfingerssmellfishy]

The class assistant in Dd’s class told her today, after putting up her hair…again
Dd has just past shoulder length, curly hair, it’s tricky to style and takes a long time. Dd is Nd and hates having her hair done.
Sometimes I can get it into a nice french plait, normal plait, ponytail or bun if she’s having a calm morning before school. Sometimes I can’t and I pick my battles and sometimes she simply wants to wear it down, so we do.
With it being curly and her running around, it invariably gets a little messy.
Recently, Dd has been coming home with it in a quite messy ponytail and telling me the classroom assistant keeps doing it

Aibu to find this a bit annoying/feel a bit offended?

Better to tie it up and minimise the chances of nits.

My DD has autism and because I knew a case of nits would be hell on earth to deal with then I always made her tie her hair back. I told her it was to try to stop her getting nits.

If all girls at primary school tied their hair up, lice would spread far less easily. It's one of the most basic things we can do to contain it, and yet loads of parents send them to school with their hair down. I don't think there's anything wrong at all with the teacher explaining the reason in a child friendly way - I told my girls all the time that I was tying their hair up so they didn't get lice. Why shouldn't they know the reason?

Just ask the teacher then? But it seems school are making a really clear point.

I have a relative who RAGED against her school about this issue. Her child had past shoulder length, extremely curly hair. It was a massive distraction to her child and to the other (young) children. It got into her face in PE, it got in the way generally and during the course of the day it got dirty (with generally bits of school detritus).

Children need to have short hair or have it tied back at school. Their hair shouldn’t be a distraction. If your child had a genuine sensory issue they wouldn’t be able to tolerate it being tied back 70% of the time (or whatever you said). If they really can’t tolerate it being tied back then maybe cut it much shorter and wear it with an Alice band.

Parents are such hard work sometimes. Take the hint from your TA!

I also feel a bit mean saying this but I actually feel quite grossed out sometimes by children’s hair touching me all the time. I’ve spent many years working with children and seen long haired children (mainly unknowingly) drape their hair across toilet seats (which bending down to pick things up or just messing about, as children do), pick up bits of food in their hair, knock things off shelves with their hair etc. It’s really annoying. And yes, can be a bit gross!

I think the TA is meaning other girls. She will be tying it back to stop it flinging round when DD flicks her head or moves about, as that's how you catch nits.

If DD has taken this on board and is letting the TA pull it back, then the TA has done you a big favour.

Wording sounds a bit off I agree, but then if it's worked, maybe she knows more about how to word things for DD's age group then we do!

I don’t think the TA was being mean. Quite the opposite. She literally just tied your kid’s hair up and gave her an explanation using child friendly language. Nothing more. Hair is more practical tied up I presume. There was no judgement on your parenting or kids with nits.

I despair how much school staff are vilified over nothing. No wonder there is a recruitment and retention crisis in schools, this endless preciousness must be so demoralising.

I tell my own child that she has to have her hair tied up when she’s out mixing with other children and she knows that part of the reason is to stop her catching head lice. She used to have a cute bob which I loved on her. But twice within a few weeks she caught head lice. So we grew her hair out and now she has it long but always tied up when out of the house. I don’t see the TA as having done anything wrong. I’ve worked in schools and have told girls it’s best to keep their hair tied up to make it easier for them when doing activities where it might otherwise get in their face but also to prevent head lice.

It sounds like she was trying to give DD a reason for tying it up (and nits is a legitimate reason!) where DD would agree to it being tied up rather than risk getting 'bugs' in it. It seems entirely reasonable to me.

Would she agree to a claw clip do you think? A quick twist in your hand rather than the pulling and putting a band on for a pony tail might be more comfortable for her?

Every school I have ever taught in has had a rule about tying up any hair past the shoulder.

If it’s not enforced for one child all the other children kick off about it being unfair. I do not think the TA is unreasonable to be tying her hair up. You should ask if it’s a policy.

Not ok for TA to say that - for years schools have been stressing how lice prefer clean hair. But ok for her to put your child’s hair up (assuming primary age.)

It sounds like the TA has spotted some nits even if they haven’t been reported or letter sent out. I would be grateful she tied up DD’s hair even if it’s messy as nit combs and solutions are rubbish to have to sit through

Does your DD's school have a uniform policy? It is in my child's uniform policy that hair longer than their shoulders needs to be tied up each day.

Lice are a real issue in school, and the TA will likely have the inside scope about who does and doesn't have lice and whos parents aren't treating the lice.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt that she is trying to explain it in a way your DD will understand and doing you a favour by preventing your DD getting lice

Assuming there is no “hair up” rule in the uniform policy, the TA doesn’t need to touch your daughter’s hair. If there is, the should ask her to do it and remind you.

Perhaps it’s an accurate description of what might happen if they’ve recently had cases.

My DD hates having her hair done so I feel your pain. She’s not ND but one thing that worked for us was getting her scrunchies she likes in different colours and letting her pick them in the shop, go up and pay for them (count the money ect) then choose a new one every so often. Now she has about 10 she doesn't need anymore, but the fact she has her “collection” to pick from actually helped.

I wouldn't worry too much - are you even 100% sure that that was what the classroom assistant said, exactly? Your dd may have misremembered her exact words.

I get that it's stressful though - my DD has loads of hair and HATED me doing it when she was little (and I am shit at things like plaits). I often felt (and was) very judged - but as a working single mom I was doing my best!

It’s an absolute pet hate of mine - parents sending their kids to school with hair all over the place. It’s gets in a total tangly mess, dangles in food/paint etc and the nits spread like wildfire!

Yet! Tie her hair back or let the TA do it as she lets her! This is not something to get miffed at. Trying to delouse your kids hair if they dont like it being combed will be a nightmare.

How old is the child and is there any reason why she can't wear her hair in a short style?

It gets bugs in it? Nits? That's not to with hair styling it's because someone else with nits has had close contact with her hair.

Long hair has always had to be tied up in any setting I’ve been to. Have you checked the rules?

Although not a cause for nits so I would raise that.

This was never a rule in my primary school and isnt at the one my children attend either.

I’d be grateful the TA could tie it up if your DD won’t let you do it, nits are truly awful things to get rid of and so much worse with curly hair.

She's trying to help her not get nits. She's not done anything wrong. And yes, that's true- some kids hair is not looked after and they constantly have nits.

It sounds as though her hair could be annoying her.

If I’m writing and my head is tilted, my hair goes in my face and it’s annoying.

I wonder if they were having a conversation and DD said that she hates you doing her hair, which is why the TA mentioned the other girls needing to take care of their hair - as in you need to let your mum do your hair.

How short is her hair?
If she really hates having it done, would she cope with a bob and pretty hair bands?

That must be really annoying, I'd feel like she was saying you need to put it up everyday as a criticism aswell, its not like you can't be bothered.

Does the school have a hair policy? Ours say all long hair has to be tied back.

My ND son had shoulder length curls like this when he was six and caught nits from a friends kids and there was no way we could comb it out (after trying for a weekend, bribes, tears from us all lol) so we had to cut it off, which was so distressing for him.

Pretty sure anyone can catch "bugs" in their hair whether it's tied back or not.
Can she tolerate anything touching her head/ hair?