Or is this absolutely batshit (sex life related)

[Tulipsanddandelions]

NC long term person.

DP (42) and I (36) been together 4 years. Live together. No kids between us (one each). I have high stress job (main breadwinner) DP runs own business pretty chilled most of the time.

Anyway…always enjoyed a good varied sex life, frequent as in 3/4 times a week, more if we have time (free house etc)

Lately he has started to guilt trip me about our ‘lack of sex’ ‘sexless relationship’. At first told him outright this was rubbish. But he insists we used to have sex more (not to my knowledge in fact was less when we only see each other once or twice a week before cohabiting), now it’s literally 2 days after we have sex he starts on about ‘when we get our sex life back’ like it’s been months.

More than that, the extra fun stuff we enjoy dressing up etc is now starting to become something he expects ‘to come home from work to’, apparently I don’t put enough effort or creativity into sex ‘like you used to’. Again rubbish but also has to have some understanding I have a life outside of standing in my knickers at the door waiting for him.

come to the crux of it today and he says ‘I feel like I should be able to ask for whatever I want and get it, I should be able to touch you within reason (and reason was if I was ill) and you should want it’

all of this coupled with, ‘you rejecting me damages my self esteem, I do anything you want sexually to keep you, I get pain in my balls if I don’t cum’.

baffled as to where all this is coming from. I have told him his is a huge turn off and he told me that if it’s such a turn off ‘expressing my (his) needs’ then it isn’t a ‘safe relationship’

He denies any porn use, never had reason to suspect (especially given healthy sex life).

are we suddenly massively not sexually compatible or is he being unreasonable!?!

His balls must have exploded that week!

3/4 times a week is a sexless relationship? bloody hell. Obviously YANBU

It is objectively ludicrous to talk about a sexless relationship if he’s having sex a minimum of three times a week.

So tell him that, with confidence, and ask him, in a calm journalistic tone, where he thinks this is coming from, psychologically.

Sounds like he's having porn movie fantasies. He is the main character, and you are his "up for it at all times" co star. 🤮
Unfortunately, he's too stupid to realise what a turn off his behaviour is. I wouldn't have the patience for all this, he sounds insufferable, sorry, OP.

Is he taking coke?

Yeah tbh it’s on my list of ways to manage this 🤣

or appear dressed up at a time of major inconvenience for him (like as his parents are on their way round for a cuppa) and really test his commitment to this

but to answer your questions apparently yes, he does think like is a porn film and I am surprised I have so many comments on here when you all are clearly all doing the same 🤣

How far in to his other relationships did he cheat? Sounds like he has got bored of an actual normal adult relationship and is heading for finding excitement elsewhere....since you're so boring and vanilla. Honestly, what a twat

Wouldn’t know, he didn’t mention them, in fact I had to initiate when he started feeling better as it had been about 8 days and he was milking it a bit

Nope. Just apparently 16 again

This is my concern. About 3/4 years 🙄

Yep, sounds like he's bored now.

Oh dear

That tells a story

I feel like this is right on the button. What a terrible thing he has said to you. Its a him problem. There is more to life than sex in a relationship. How strange of him.

Yeah I am not blind to this. I have told him straight I know where this is going, he has been horrified at the suggestion. And I have no proof or anything he is cheating but I am fully aware of the situation and how this can go

Yeah sounds like he's chasing that "honeymoon" stage of the relationship over and over, where everything is new and shiny

I’d also suggest very kindly that hyperssexuality can be a symptom of some serious diseases and perhaps he should see his GP.

Id carry on suggesting sex whenever I felt like it but balls - blue or otherwise - to pandering to any of this nonsense. It does sound like porn tbh, or just possibly sexting some random off a hook-up site (I speak from experience here).

This won't get better.

I'm not buying all the 'its because you earn more' crap. He's just an emotionally manipulative sex pest. You are his longest girlfriend. Doesn't take a genius to work out why his previous relationships failed, does it?

Sorry OP, just end it. I'm surprised you can still bring yourself to have sex with him. I'd have lost all respect for him by now.

There has been a series of threads on here recently by another poster who is being seriously abused. The dynamic is different, the OP here sounds strong, but there are similarities -
the constant need for sex
the right to it
the effect on balls
complaining about not being found attractive
the but I find you so sexy narrative
the complaint over lack of sex due to sleep.
Sadly, to put it bluntly, this other poor woman gets assaulted in her sleep, and now raped, too. Sadly, she is so badly abused she can’t see it.
I am not in any way suggesting this man is the same, but the remark over missing out on sex when OP was asleep turned my stomach a bit. He is not taking into your needs and wishes.

Oh. There is this.

OP, he truly sounds awful.

Do you not feel like a piece of meat?
Because it reads that way.

He's a walking red flag.

I wouldn't want any child of mine around someone with so little respect for me, so little self control, and such a whiney man child attitude.

What is your self esteem like?
Because I cannot imagine it must be graeat that you are tolerating such a complete nag that is stuck on one subject.

It reads as really coercive, relentlessly going on at you on the same subject.

Repellent leading to repulsive is how it reads.

It doesn't read as the least bit flattering.
Mind your and have a good hard think if this is really who you want to be with.

You have the power here OP. Tell him straight - any more over sexualised 2001 teenage boy blue balls shit and he can go fuck himself, literally. You're a successful, intelligent woman who deserves more than to be viewed as and treated like a piece of meat

Oh no OP. I read your posts and my jaw was dropping more at each post. He sounds like a bloke from the 60s with this attitude.

I also think the same as a pp.

I think he is intimidated by your position at work, the higher earner etc. And there is a power play. You may have the more powerful position at work, but he (wants to) have the more powerful position when it comes to sex.

Or, he has a bloody great chip on his shoulder.

It's already escalated now recently, so something is going on.

I would absolutely not be able to carry this relationship on. You are not there just to serve his every sexual need and empty out the sacks. Ffs.

I have read the full thread
You don't have children together,and you are not dependent on him financially.
So I'm confused as to why you haven't just ended the relationship
Your obviously a clever intelligent woman,why are you even entertaining trying to figure him out .
He's clearly lost the plot
Personally I'd be ending the relationship asap

PLEASE don’t write posts using AI.

Good lord this man is ghastly. Does it never cross his mind that, just because HE wants something, it doesn't mean that you automatically want it too or want o facilitate it for him? Are you not allowed free will?

He's going to have you doing the housework dressed like a French maid at this rate.