Or is this absolutely batshit (sex life related)

[Tulipsanddandelions]

NC long term person.

DP (42) and I (36) been together 4 years. Live together. No kids between us (one each). I have high stress job (main breadwinner) DP runs own business pretty chilled most of the time.

Anyway…always enjoyed a good varied sex life, frequent as in 3/4 times a week, more if we have time (free house etc)

Lately he has started to guilt trip me about our ‘lack of sex’ ‘sexless relationship’. At first told him outright this was rubbish. But he insists we used to have sex more (not to my knowledge in fact was less when we only see each other once or twice a week before cohabiting), now it’s literally 2 days after we have sex he starts on about ‘when we get our sex life back’ like it’s been months.

More than that, the extra fun stuff we enjoy dressing up etc is now starting to become something he expects ‘to come home from work to’, apparently I don’t put enough effort or creativity into sex ‘like you used to’. Again rubbish but also has to have some understanding I have a life outside of standing in my knickers at the door waiting for him.

come to the crux of it today and he says ‘I feel like I should be able to ask for whatever I want and get it, I should be able to touch you within reason (and reason was if I was ill) and you should want it’

all of this coupled with, ‘you rejecting me damages my self esteem, I do anything you want sexually to keep you, I get pain in my balls if I don’t cum’.

baffled as to where all this is coming from. I have told him his is a huge turn off and he told me that if it’s such a turn off ‘expressing my (his) needs’ then it isn’t a ‘safe relationship’

He denies any porn use, never had reason to suspect (especially given healthy sex life).

are we suddenly massively not sexually compatible or is he being unreasonable!?!

He is definitely watching porn

He is revolting.

I could never be attracted to him again after this pathetic behaviour. He's like a dog with two dicks.

Also his "yes but that was last wednesday, what about now?" Message is bizarre. So are you just supposed to continually 'one up' the previous week with crazier and more daring sexploits? It's not possible. Katy Perry said her ex husband Russell Brand was like that. Always demanding more wacky sex stuff and making her feel she wasnt exciting enough. And we all know how he ended up...

I couldn't even look at him never mind have sex with him. The ick is astounding.

Some men don't ever think that they're pushing their luck too far in relationships, they simply don't think they're so unreasonable that their partner will up and leave them, he's one of them Op. You do meet his needs, it's his wants that no one can cope with because he wants more and more.
He's vexed now, soon the real emotional blackmail will start and he'll never stop. Take your DD and leave him, if I had a DD he's not a man I'd want living with her

😱😱😱😱 that is vomit inducing.

This would be a deal breaker for me, and I certainly wouldn’t want my daughter living in a house with a man like this. He is disgusting.

He is "starting to feel angry" now because his flesh light is daring to say no?

Just to echo other posters
THIS IS REVOLTING
THIS IS SEXUAL COERCION

please leave for your own sake, you sound like a switched on woman and noone deserves to this.

I just can't get over how disgusting he is.

OP, I’m sure he is just pathetic. But if you are dumping him and if he is now making references to being angry, do make screenshots of all of these messages from him and save them. Just in case he gets nasty and you need some proof for any future purpose.

Yuk. He’s just a sex pest who sees you as his real life blow up doll.

It's very frightening, agreed.

OP be very careful about next steps. Go quietly. Find a way to remove him from your life without alerting him to your intentions until you are safely separate from him.

Have you done a Claire's Law on him? I think in this case it would be warrranted.

I find it really annoying when people dismiss interesting, clever posts as "AI" as though humans are incapable of formulating any such thing.

Especially as @JacquesHarlow was one of the first on this thread to identify the problem here.

Well OP, my vagina has clamped shut in solidarity! The ick doesn't even begin to describe it. Bloody hell!

"I should be able to..." "I want..."

It's all about him isn't it? Him and his dick. I don't think he believes you're a real human being at all. He spends all his time thinking about sex, so YOU should too, and the fact you don't he's taking as rejection. Not you being a person with other stuff to do with life.

How the hell does he ever get through life?

This is not just "giving me the ick" territory, OP 💐

We may have joked about how pathetic he is, but that's beside the point.

This is a man who feels utterly entitled to use you and your body as he pleases. Nothing else matters to him. He counts on your compliance with this, in fact that's the name of the game for him - control.

So far, because you have been compliant, he has "only" been an unpleasant sex pest and shown resentment rather than anger or violence. But the minute you have tried to assert the faintest of boundaries, he's already ramped it up to thinly veiled threats.

Please be aware of how potentially dangerous someone like this can turn out to be.

OP, sorry if I’ve missed this info earlier in the thread, but what is your housing situation?
If the home is yours I would kick him out asap.
I’m finding his escalation messages terrifying.
I just read an article that says there are 62 million men accessing a website teaching them how to drug and rape their wives.
There are masterclasses for this shit now. Porn has ruined male/female relationships because only the cock counts now!

He sounds like a sleazy bargain basement porno.

There's something going on. He sounds obsessed and it's worse ing. He's harassing you about sex when you're trying to get into a work mindset and at work. He wants to be front and center and I think there's a possible element of attempted work sabotage going on.

I see why all his relationships ended at this point or before. He's showing you his true face and it's that of a deeply misogynistic man who doesn't see you as a person at all, but a convenient object. You're his walking fleshlight.

You have kids that are exposed to this man? He's a stone creep.

Yes, exactly. It's incredible to me that people are incapable of comprehending that some people are, in fact, articulate and quick-thinking when it comes to expressing themselves.

And yes, @JacquesHarlow was spot on.

This is extraordinary @CaragianettE ...

What on EARTH makes you think this is written using AI?!!

I have lived experience of seeing first-hand this type of syndrome the OP's partner seems to portray.

I'm sorry that my short sentences and prepositions seem to make you think I'm a bot.

I despair at this site sometimes, I really think I'm going to head off to Flouncer's Corner where at least no one will be lurking worrying about whether I'm writing using ChatGPfuckingT or whatever.

Thank you for this kind post.

I genuinely didn't write my reply using AI, I think unfortunately I just have a writing style which is a bit formal or explanatory which leads people to think this.

Might have to self-edit and jazz it up a bit to avoid the AI comparisons to come!

I’m so sorry Op please get this man out asap or move out - whatever. Just get him away from your and your child.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your writing! 🤩 It's as clear and interesting as the ideas you express. Please don't change just because someone automatically assumes that short paragraphs = AI-generated content.

Short paras are ideal on social media.

Like this.

Because some people are scrolling on phones etc.

It breaks up the text a bit.

🌞

There's a reason he's in this 40s with only (relatively) short relationships under his belt...as I suspect you're finding out.

On another note, if a man starts talking about sex on a regular dating app, I unmatch and block.

Sex pest of the worst kind. At least you don't have kids together. Your kids will certainly be better off without this weirdo in their lives. Ick.

He has mentioned more recently that he is ‘nearly 50’ he isn’t he is 42 this year

I’ve just remembered you said he’s 41 but is claiming to be nearly 50 and that he’s also banging on about running out of time / opportunities to have sex every time he sees that you’re busy. Honestly, it seems like he’s convinced himself he’s going to die prematurely from a backlog of pent up semen. And it’s all your fault because you only have sex 3-4 times a week. It’s genuinely fucking nuts.

Regardless of how much he’s played the victim, this is not a man who has low self esteem. I’d say his confidence is through the roof with that last message. He seems to have no awareness his presence in your life is entirely optional.