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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think she could help just this once?

321 replies

OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere · 15/04/2026 20:09

I feel like I’m going mad because in my head this is what friends do, but she’s acting like I’ve asked for something outrageous.

I’m going on holiday next month for 10 days. It’s been booked for ages and I really need it. The issue is my cat. She’s quite anxious and doesn’t do well with catteries, last time she barely ate and lost weight, so I don’t want to put her through that again.

I asked a close friend if she could stay at mine while I’m away to look after her. She doesn’t have kids, works from home most of the time, and only lives about 15 minutes away, so it didn’t seem like a huge ask to me.

She said she could pop in once a day to feed her but didn’t want to stay over. I said that wouldn’t really work because the cat needs company and also I’d prefer someone actually in the house for security. It’s not the best area and I’d worry the whole time otherwise.

She still said no and suggested I try a professional sitter, but they’re expensive and it just feels a bit impersonal having a stranger in my house.

I did point out that I’ve helped her before, given her lifts, been there for her when she’s had issues with her ex etc. Not in a tit for tat way, just that I thought we had that kind of friendship where you help each other out.

She’s now gone a bit distant and said she feels “put on the spot” and “guilted”, which wasn’t my intention at all.

I just don’t really get why staying in a nicer house than hers for a week and a half (no offence to her!) and hanging out with a fairly low maintenance cat is such a big deal.

AIBU to think she’s being a bit selfish ?

OP posts:
Steelblue33 · 15/04/2026 20:13

It’s not that simple though. At her house she has all her things, all her home comforts and doesn’t need to pack a bag for staying somewhere for 10 days. A few nights maybe ok, but it’s a lot to expect someone to move out of their home for 10 days.

Have you tried trusted sitters?

I agree always best to have cats stay at home. Hope your kitty does better this time. I know how hard it is leaving them too. I never quite relax when I’m away from mine. It’s worth paying someone, if needed, to care for them properly.

RightOnTheEdge · 15/04/2026 20:13

YAB completely U! And very weird.
Of course she doesn't want to stay at your house.

You should have thought about all this before you booked it.

RhiWrites · 15/04/2026 20:14

My home is in a nice area so it’s probably nicer than yours. Would you like to come and look after my cat for a week? I wouldn’t pay you or anything.

Come on, OP. People would rather be in their own house. You would, your cat would, your friend would. The cat will be okay with daily visits and of she isn’t, it’s still not your friend’s responsibility and you’ve requested a massive favour.

noctilucentcloud · 15/04/2026 20:15

You're being unreasonable, she said no and it wasn't fair you asked again. There might be lots of reasons that she wants to stay in her own home (and it's very judgemental to think yours is nicer). I have a dog who can't go into kennels, it's a pain but when I need to go away I pay for someone to stay at mine. It's part and parcel of having a pet.

Twinkletoesandspaghettios · 15/04/2026 20:16

you are being beyond unreasonable.

and your message will have absolutely landed as a “tit for tat”

your cat. Your problem. No one else’s to sort or be inconvenienced by.

pay for the help you need or don’t go on holiday

also your cat isn’t worth loosing a friend over.

Octavia64 · 15/04/2026 20:16

It’s a really really big ask.

my cat sitter will do that but charges an absolute fortune.

Pinkissmart · 15/04/2026 20:16

Oh, OP, you are being awful to her. It is a big ask. Just because someone doesn’t have kids doesn’t mean they don’t have anything else in your life.

Get an automatic feeder, and get a professional sitter.

thewonderfulmrswatson · 15/04/2026 20:17

Don't book holidays before you've secured someone to look after your pet first. Because now the poor thing may just have to go into a cattery and suffer because of your lack of planning.

notatinydancer · 15/04/2026 20:18

You are being massively unreasonable and very arrogant.

LondonLady1980 · 15/04/2026 20:18

“It doesn’t seem like a huge ask to me”

Seriously?!?!

Asking someone to move out of their home for 10 days isn’t a huge ask?

It’s a massive ask.

Shallotsaresmallonions · 15/04/2026 20:18

YABU. Fine to have asked once, but you should have accepted her answer. Very weird behaviour to try and guilt her into it, which you definitely were trying to do because what else would be the purpose of "pointing out" things you've done for her.

Eenameenadeeka · 15/04/2026 20:19

Yeah you are being unreasonable it's a big ask to expect someone to stay away from their own home for 10 days just for your benefit. Its a lot more than just giving someone a lift. You also said you'd like someone in the house for security- what about her house?

Vivi0 · 15/04/2026 20:19

I wouldn’t want to stay in someone else’s home for 10 days either.

I couldn’t care how nice it is.

OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere · 15/04/2026 20:19

Octavia64 · 15/04/2026 20:16

It’s a really really big ask.

my cat sitter will do that but charges an absolute fortune.

How is it a big ask? The fridge and pantry will be stocked so no cost to her. Pays less on energy and water that month because she’s using mine. Sounds like a fair trade to me

OP posts:
Moonnstarz · 15/04/2026 20:20

Considering it's been booked for ages, this should have given you plenty of time to find a suitable cattery or cat sitter to come to your home as that's what you prefer. Also if it was booked so far in advance that surely enabled you to save for the expensive cat sitter.
10 days is a very long time being in someone else's home and very different to giving someone a lift.
I am not surprised if you keep asking they have become distant and cut contact with you. You actually sound quite cheeky putting this on her (especially if you told her the cat sitter was very expensive).

Evaka · 15/04/2026 20:20

This is one of the most unreasonable aibus I've seen. You cray.

RitzyMcFee · 15/04/2026 20:20

I can almost guarantee that my house is nicer than yours. I have a dog so it would be lovely if you could come and stay and look after her.

Jellybunny98 · 15/04/2026 20:21

Wow yes you are being unreasonable. I wouldn’t want to stay in someone else’s house for 10 days and would have made the same offer she has, pop in to feed but nothing more than that.

Vivi0 · 15/04/2026 20:21

OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere · 15/04/2026 20:19

How is it a big ask? The fridge and pantry will be stocked so no cost to her. Pays less on energy and water that month because she’s using mine. Sounds like a fair trade to me

Lol.

You’re right, OP.

Who could resist an offer like that 😂

Jellybunny98 · 15/04/2026 20:21

If it was such an easy task why do you think cat sitters charge so much for it😂😂

Happytaytos · 15/04/2026 20:22

Batshit and that's you not your friend. She'd not relax properly for 10 days. Have to bring all her stuff over for 10 days. None of this sounds a good deal.

catipuss · 15/04/2026 20:22

Surely visiting and feeding is enough. Expecting her to stay is a bit too much.

OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere · 15/04/2026 20:22

Jellybunny98 · 15/04/2026 20:21

If it was such an easy task why do you think cat sitters charge so much for it😂😂

Feeding a cat and sitting with it is not a hard task.

OP posts:
PlumbingProblem · 15/04/2026 20:23

You don’t want your house to be unoccupied for 10 days due to security concerns. Would your friend have to leave her own home unoccupied to stay at yours? If so, it’s not really fair to ask her to do this .

Indianajet · 15/04/2026 20:23

She doesn't want to do it. Stop asking her and make other arrangements. I like my own home and wouldn't want to stay in someone else's house either.