To think she could help just this once?

[OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere]

I feel like I’m going mad because in my head this is what friends do, but she’s acting like I’ve asked for something outrageous.

I’m going on holiday next month for 10 days. It’s been booked for ages and I really need it. The issue is my cat. She’s quite anxious and doesn’t do well with catteries, last time she barely ate and lost weight, so I don’t want to put her through that again.

I asked a close friend if she could stay at mine while I’m away to look after her. She doesn’t have kids, works from home most of the time, and only lives about 15 minutes away, so it didn’t seem like a huge ask to me.

She said she could pop in once a day to feed her but didn’t want to stay over. I said that wouldn’t really work because the cat needs company and also I’d prefer someone actually in the house for security. It’s not the best area and I’d worry the whole time otherwise.

She still said no and suggested I try a professional sitter, but they’re expensive and it just feels a bit impersonal having a stranger in my house.

I did point out that I’ve helped her before, given her lifts, been there for her when she’s had issues with her ex etc. Not in a tit for tat way, just that I thought we had that kind of friendship where you help each other out.

She’s now gone a bit distant and said she feels “put on the spot” and “guilted”, which wasn’t my intention at all.

I just don’t really get why staying in a nicer house than hers for a week and a half (no offence to her!) and hanging out with a fairly low maintenance cat is such a big deal.

AIBU to think she’s being a bit selfish ?

You offered her £5 per day? And her coming in and feeding the cat wasn't good enough but an automatic feeder is?

You sound like a CF of the highest order tbh.

You’d happily stay at a different house for 10 days? Away from your partner?

Yes! Wouldn’t bother me at all, especially if it was close to home. I also love cats and know how hard it can be to find someone reliable to look after them, so would probably have more sympathy from that angle too.

Can't imagine why 🙄🙃

The entitlement is astonishing!

Jesus. You're taking the mick, surely. You live in a rough area where you're scared something may happen if your house is unoccupied, why would she want to stay there, even though its so much "nicer" than hers? £50 is so insulting you may have well offered nothing.

I wouldn't do it and I have and love cats. If I'm going anywhere I always make sure my cat is sorted out first and foremost.

There's got to me more to this, a reverse or a wind up, nobody is this thoughtless and insane.

And you're trying to say you giving her a lift somewhere is the same as her staying at your house for 10 days. It isn't. At all.

”I feel like I’m going mad…” Girl, if this is real, as a PP said, you kray.

I’m fascinated by your astonishment she’d rather not stay for ten whole days in a ‘not great’ area, leave her partner by themselves (curious about how much energy you think she’d be saving in that case?), to look after someone else’s pet, yet still kindly offered to go out of her way once a day to feed/check in order save you money. It was fine to ask, and it was fine for her to decline. Your inability to accept that with grace, means she’s now fully aware of how transactional you are, and if she has any sense, which it sounds like she does, will slow fade you out of her life and you’ve lost what sounds like a pretty solid friend.

I hope you’ve read the replies, had a rethink overnight, got on the phone not to ask her to do less days (the fuck?) but with a GROVELLING apology, along the lines of you’ve realised you shouldn’t have pushed it, not sure what you were thinking, maybe the worry over the cat made you irrational…

I’m sure you’ll find a way to make sure she knows about the passive aggressive automatic feeder

I know we’re all sus about this, but truly, they walk amongst us. Few days ago my DM’s neighbour came over holding a gorgeous wee dog with no collar she’d found running on their busy road hours earlier. She’s taken him in and came over to ask my DM if she knew who owned him when she got home. As they were standing on the footpath debating what to do, a random middle aged woman walked up and without a single word, took him out of her arms, (dog was happy to see her ), smacked his backside, turned around and walked off without looking at or acknowledging either of them in any way

I’m another that would do this for my friend as I also have an anxious cat that I worry about a lot and who I can’t put in a cattery anymore.
I don’t think it’s a huge deal. It’s near to her home so she can pop back to get things, you have a nice house and she can WFH as easily in either house.
Alternatively is there any possibility that your cat could go to stay in her house if staying at yours is out of the question?

I assumed she was single but you've now said she has a partner. Why would she want to live at yours and not at home for 10 days? Honestly you sound a bit superior like you're doing her a favour letting her stay in your nicer house. I think popping in and feeding once a day is quite enough.

No one needs to stay over for a cat. They just need feeding, watering, and a clean litter tray. Dogs are different.

It depends what she does for a job and also whether she needs equipment like a standing desk for her back.

Wow! You are being very unreasonable

It's a huge ask. The fact you can't see it is really puzzling. It was OK to ask, but not more than once, once she'd said 'No.' And reminding her of the times you'd helped her - that was truly crass.

I bite the bullet and pay a cat-sitter. I know and trust her, and the cats are happy. It's part of the cost of having pets.

You are being very unreasonable and you have damaged your friendship with this person.

This is beyond unreasonable and I would say bang out of order. I'm not surprised your friend has withdrawn. She is probably rightly questioning your friendship.

I always add cat sitter charges (£20 a day including house checks) onto my holiday costs and make sure I can afford it first.

DCat is nervous and old so does better staying at home

You are being incredibly unreasonable and sound very entitled. Im not surprised she doesn’t want to leave her own home to in yours. What I find very strange is that you didn’t sort this out before you booked your holiday! I have pets and would always make sure they had care before I booked to go away!

Tell that to my cats 🤣

So what will you do with your cat then @OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere

pay for a cattery

leave enough food via a machine dispenser

or ……..