To think she could help just this once?

[OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere]

I feel like I’m going mad because in my head this is what friends do, but she’s acting like I’ve asked for something outrageous.

I’m going on holiday next month for 10 days. It’s been booked for ages and I really need it. The issue is my cat. She’s quite anxious and doesn’t do well with catteries, last time she barely ate and lost weight, so I don’t want to put her through that again.

I asked a close friend if she could stay at mine while I’m away to look after her. She doesn’t have kids, works from home most of the time, and only lives about 15 minutes away, so it didn’t seem like a huge ask to me.

She said she could pop in once a day to feed her but didn’t want to stay over. I said that wouldn’t really work because the cat needs company and also I’d prefer someone actually in the house for security. It’s not the best area and I’d worry the whole time otherwise.

She still said no and suggested I try a professional sitter, but they’re expensive and it just feels a bit impersonal having a stranger in my house.

I did point out that I’ve helped her before, given her lifts, been there for her when she’s had issues with her ex etc. Not in a tit for tat way, just that I thought we had that kind of friendship where you help each other out.

She’s now gone a bit distant and said she feels “put on the spot” and “guilted”, which wasn’t my intention at all.

I just don’t really get why staying in a nicer house than hers for a week and a half (no offence to her!) and hanging out with a fairly low maintenance cat is such a big deal.

AIBU to think she’s being a bit selfish ?

Just wow!!!

No! Don't ask her again!

@OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere She doesn't want to get paid. Sge will come in once a day to feed the cat for free- that's what she feels comfortable doing to help you out. You are not being a good friend trying to push her into living in your house. Noone would want to be in another house for 10 days unless they lived on the street. Otherwise it would be easy to find cheap housesitters. You are being very unreasonable- apologise to your friend !

You’ve reported me for asking about my cat? Okay.

Yeah, it’s a wind up isn’t it!

Try Home Exchange.

You should have sorted out cat care before booking your holiday. £50 for 10 days is insulting. Nice cat hotels round here are £30-40 a day and you need to allow extra time for drop off / pick up so a 10 holiday would be 12 days in fees at least.

People have animals and all is well, until they want to go away and realise that it’s no longer a question of booking, packing and going.

If you paid for a cat sitter, you’d pay considerably more than £50. Probably £50 per day. Giving someone lifts, or listening to their problems is very different from asking them to leave their home and family for over a week.. She offered to come and feed your cat, which is generous of her, because, even if she lives nearby, it’s still an ask to turn up twice a day to feed the animal.

If you’re so reluctant to leave your cat alone, don’t go away.

Leave the poor woman alone. She said she was willing to check in once a day. Stop pushing her boundaries !

This is ridiculous. I have two really spoilt cats who the kids and I both love, however they are cats and when we are away they get looked after by a cat sitter who visits twice a day and has been known to take them to the vet if needed.

We are not going to not go on holidays because someone can't move in our house for 10 days.

One of my cats is very nervous around people outside her family and it most probably in her element when we are all out for the day.

Kindly OP, your friend is offering to come in your house twice day, feed your cat, no doubt bring in any post, pick up any unexpected parcels etc...she doesn't want to move in.
Why can't you just say yes thank you that's lovely?

So it's gone from "I can't put her in a cattery as she will loose weight and fret" to "I'll just buy an automatic feeder" because you dont want to pay the going rate for care that wil suit your cats needs.

How selfish are you?!

So she only lives15 mins away but her house is in such a better area that its ok for hers to be empty for ten days?

Don't ask her a third time - you're being incredibly unfair - you have already had your answer.

This sounds like a joke post 🤣. So you’ve given her lifts, and now you expect to stay at yours for 10 days?!? Don’t have animals if you expect other people to stop their lives to look after them for you.

Another thought. Your cat will actually be more secure if someone is only popping in for a short visit.

If someone is only there for half an hour there is less temptation to fling open the back door for a bit of fresh and and watch your anxious cat disappear over the fence…….

You're just not getting it. She doesn't want to and she doesn't have to cover your failure to plan appropriately for your cat's needs.

And I speak as someone who has two cats whose welfare comes first.

This has to be a wind up…

So to a week of cat sitting you’ll add either pick up or drop off the cat at the cattery? If anything that makes it worse as that’s more responsibility. It’s a long time @OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere and you’re asking her to suspend her normal life. If the cat would be ok either an automatic feeder then it would certainly be ok either her popping in twice a day for food and fuss. YABU.

You reminded her of the favours you did for her in order to try and make her agree… I’m not surprised she is now distant!
Within my friendship circle many of us have cats, we all feed each others when we go away and pop in daily. None of us stay in each others homes and the cats are always fine.
When I visit I change the water, litter tray, pop food down and extra biscuits, make the sure the radio is on and make myself a coffee so I can run a brush through the longer haired one’s fur if it’s that duo im
looking after.
My cat has access to a cat flap and the only time anyone has stayed for longer than half an hour was to wait for him to come home to check he was ok before leaving.
I didn’t actually see one of my friends cats for two days, but the food was going. Just as I was about to message her to let her know I hadn’t seen him, he sauntered in demanded more food and headed back out, so obviously didn’t care at all, and not don’t if they are in their own homes.
Having someone going in daily, bringing in post, adjusting curtains should be enough to not let anyone know you’re away. You can pop timers on lights if you’re particularly anxious which may also help.

You are being ridiculously unreasonable, firstly on your cat, for booking a holiday 'presuming' she would do this and making no concrete cat care plans; secondly, as much as I love animals and would be delighted to look after someone's cat-I absolutely hate sleeping anywhere other than my own home.

If you're ok with an automatic feeder, then why on earth not go back to your friend and apologise profusely including letting her know that you realise you have been ridiculous in your request and behaved abominably to guilt trip her and that you would be very happy to take up her offer of popping in to to feed the cat each day. And perhaps offer nice wine/chocolates?

Otherwise I suspect you have probably lost a friend.

Unbelievable.

You asked for help on unreasonable terms - being in your house.

She was decent enough to say she'd call in but that wasn't good enough.

I think you are being ungrateful.

I would only be willing to spend 10 days in someone elses to look after their cat if it was in a gorgeous area that I would be happy to visit. No way I'm going to the inconvenience of packing and moving things for ten days to sit with a cat in a rough area.

She has said no, that's it. YABVU to continue to pursue it and try to guilt her into it. Either accept her very kind offer to feed the cat or find alternative care for cat.

Does your cat empty its own litter tray? fill its own water bowl?Book its own Uber to get to the cattery on day 7?

You’re the selfish and weird one here, but I expect in typical AIBU form, you’ll be back to argue otherwise 🙄.