To think she could help just this once?

[OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere]

I feel like I’m going mad because in my head this is what friends do, but she’s acting like I’ve asked for something outrageous.

I’m going on holiday next month for 10 days. It’s been booked for ages and I really need it. The issue is my cat. She’s quite anxious and doesn’t do well with catteries, last time she barely ate and lost weight, so I don’t want to put her through that again.

I asked a close friend if she could stay at mine while I’m away to look after her. She doesn’t have kids, works from home most of the time, and only lives about 15 minutes away, so it didn’t seem like a huge ask to me.

She said she could pop in once a day to feed her but didn’t want to stay over. I said that wouldn’t really work because the cat needs company and also I’d prefer someone actually in the house for security. It’s not the best area and I’d worry the whole time otherwise.

She still said no and suggested I try a professional sitter, but they’re expensive and it just feels a bit impersonal having a stranger in my house.

I did point out that I’ve helped her before, given her lifts, been there for her when she’s had issues with her ex etc. Not in a tit for tat way, just that I thought we had that kind of friendship where you help each other out.

She’s now gone a bit distant and said she feels “put on the spot” and “guilted”, which wasn’t my intention at all.

I just don’t really get why staying in a nicer house than hers for a week and a half (no offence to her!) and hanging out with a fairly low maintenance cat is such a big deal.

AIBU to think she’s being a bit selfish ?

yabvu indeed.

This has to be a reverse

I think your expectations are unusual. The last time my friend and her husband went abroad their cats were in cattery. She was worried that one them wouldn't settle and I was on standby to collect them and take them home if that happened.

We live a 15 minute drive apart and I'd have been happy to go in twice a day to feed and look after them. She wouldn't have asked me to move into her house.

I used to do a lot of (paid) house sitting, and still do a bit. I can’t tell you how exhausting it is living in someone else’s space, you can’t relax properly, you don’t have any of your things around you, you don’t sleep properly because it’s not your own bed. I’d say nearly all of the houses I’ve sat in have been objectively nicer than mine…but I’d still rather be at home. So yes it’s a big ask, and YABU.

This is why I don't get cats. Fine with her just popping in?! My little dog used to greet me like I'd returned from war when I came back from the bin 😁

I love cats but no way I’d be staying at someone else’s house for that amount of time all the while ditching my partner.

We petsit for my SIL every now and then (mostly because she has a dog so walks are needed) and by the second day I’m ready to go back home. Whether it’s a “nicer house” or not it’s irrelevant.

You don’t sound like a good friend, to be honest.

I wonder why

I don’t believe this post for one moment. However, on the off chance it’s true, I’ll take the bait. Op, you sound ludicrous and rather spiteful, dare I say. You allegedly asked your friend to decamp to your abode for 10 days, and she said no. Leave her be. Arrangements for your cat should have been in place prior to your holiday booking. I am a cat sitter running my own successful business- it’s hard work (last year I had six solid months with not a single day off), and comes with lots of responsibility - medication administration, unexpected illness and vet visits, not being able to get an indoor/outdoor cat in at night as per instructions meaning longer visits than planned, household security, maintaining the property (I do watering, bins in and out, curtains open and closed, lights on and off, post in etc). I don’t ever take on live-in duties. I like my own home. If your cat is so nervous that one or two decent visits a day with enrichment, feeding and watering, litter cleaning, love and perhaps a brush is not enough then I suggest an animal behaviourist… or a moratorium on holidays. Don’t be a dick.

You have a cheek.
so you booked the holiday, confident that your friend will have to do it. There was no other option for you other than your friend having no choice?

how can you book a holiday without making plans for your cat at the very same time? Very irresponsible of you. a
and you did try to guilt her, good on her for calling you out.

How weird. I can’t think why not.

It’s an enormous ask!

The cat will be fine with her popping in. Or get a paid sitter. It’s a job you’re asking someone to do, so pay for it.

No one wants to be in someone else’s house for 10 days. I’d hate it.

And it’s in no way comparable to lifts and the sort of thing you cited as having done for her. Popping in would be more equivalent.

I love cats. My two are the brightest stars in my sky. But I don't expect other people to regard them in the same light and in the 37 years I've been a cat-keeper, I've been nothing other than grateful for any help that was offered, on terms set by those who could do it and wanted to. If all they could manage was a daily visit, I'd take it with both hands because it was a lot. I looked after a neighbour's cat for a fortnight and although it was only next door, any commitment involving the welfare of a living being matters. I spent time and money on that cat and didn't begrudge any of it, in spite of the fact that she had an attitude the size of Scafell Pike and claws like needles!

I hope this isn't real, because the OP sounds like an ingrate whose only concern is for what she wants, regardless of the needs of others, human or feline. I think her friend was right to step back. If the OP keeps it up, she'll be lucky if she has any friends left at all.

Seriously? Most people feel more comfortable in their own home. You’re being very unreasonable here. DSs cats were fine with a visit to check on them for an hour a day.

You said her house won't be left empty because she has a partner, so how will she be saving money on utilities and food if he will still be at home? 🤔

My neighbours and I don’t speak
Shocker! 😆

Exactly! Cats are shit. Dogs are stupidly wonderful.

But the OPs house is ''nicer'' that the expected cat sitter's so that compliment will surely have the cat sitter stood on the OPs doorstep with her bags packed, I think if I was the cat I would leave home and move in with the poor friend

When you budget for being away you can't just ignore your responsibilities. You must factor in the fees for pet sitting. It is expensive but that is reality.

😂 😂 Is this some sort of weird reverse? Yes, you’re being very unreasonable here OP. Your cat, your problem 🤷‍♀️ You chose to give her help in the past and that was your choice. I’d advise you to not give help in the future if you’re only doing it with the expectation of getting something in return.

But your friend isn’t an animal. Surely she’ll need and want what’s in her own cupboards. And she’ll sleep in a proper bed and probably want her own bed. She may have private health conditions and need various things. Everyone is different and some people are really sensitive to being away from home (like your cat). There is no way I would do it. Not out of selfishness but because I would be very uncomfortable for 10 days!

YABVU for all the reasons people have already said. Even 6 days is too many, it’s very unfair to ask again and put her in that position.

It sounds as if, if you’re prepared to leave the cat alone for 6 days with an automatic feeder you don’t care that much about her having company so just pay a teenager to come in a couple of times a day to feed/play with the cat.

Has to be made up. If not you’d be an ‘ex friend’ pretty quickly.

So, now you are fine leaving your precious cat alone for the best part of a week with an automatic cat feeder for company?! What a devoted pet owner you sound 🙄.

I think I’m the only one but I actually agree with OP. I’d gladly do that for a friend without a second thought, it really doesn’t seem like a massive deal to me.

She's said no, so accept it and stop stropping about on here. I don't blame her for being distant if this is how you react!

I don't believe this. No one can be this stupid.
Some one is bored.