AIBU to resent caring for my difficult elderly mum alone?

[Fogey]

I live over 100 miles away from my mum (who is 95) - I have travelled every other weekend for the last 8 years to see her and check she’s ok .., I shop for her when I’m there , make food and organise any jobs she needs doing. My husband also does jobs for her and fixes stuff. I work full time and have found this quite stressful (as well as expensive .., my jobs not well paid) … because of where I worked I used drive just under 1000 miles a week (!) on the weekends I saw her.
Recently she had a series of bad falls and I’ve given in my notice at work (to look after her) , missed my husbands 65th birthday, a 2 week holiday to France and a best friends 60th. She is fully aware of the sacrifices I’ve made but passes them off as “thank you” but nothing more.
My sister, who lived close to her, died 3 years ago and her children don’t like my mum so won’t help out so it’s all on me. I am currently doing everything for her (we do have carers in every day for an hour) but I’m 1 week in to a 3 week stint … and I’m struggling.
I haven’t always got on with mum … she’s racist and a snob (to be blunt) and does’nt listen to what people’s opinions are e.g I broke a front tooth yesterday and she just passed it off as nothing (can’t get to a dentist as I’m here until the start of May). I am not a miserable person but am feeling a little overwhelmed and angry at being made to sacrifice so much .., I’m in my 60s and want to be somewhere else. I visited her in hospital when she needed me … washed clothes, did her lawn, batch cooked her meals and drove miles to sort her out. Quite frankly, as much as I love her, I’m irked by the fact that her granddaughter (who lives 4 doors down) would’ve been helping out here if mum hadn’t been so vile to my sister. I’m caught between a rock and a hard place. Am I being a cow for not liking her much?

I understand what you’re saying. Xxx

If she is bedridden she is not able to manage independently. You need to contact adult social care for advice. They will do a carers assessment and financial assessment which will point to next steps. Do you have power of attorney (health and finances) - I would also advice to get this is place whilst she has capacity because otherwise taking next steps will be extremely difficult. You could look at home carers but it sounds like she needs round the clock care now such as a residential home. You will be able to claim carers allowance in the meantime whilst not working

Hope that helps

The respite care and the care you plan to get in place - who will pay for it?

She could still last several months at least. There’s a very elderly lady in the same care home as my dad in a room a few doors along from his. She’s literally like a breathing skeleton, bed bound and always asleep, regardless of what time I go past. No idea how long she’s been like that, but at least since November.

Drop her - you don't owe her a thing

You've been a wonderful daughter so far and have ensured that you'll have no regrets when she passes. My mum had an identical situation with her mother. It was exhausting for her but at least when it was all done, she had no regrets at all. You're so close to the end now and your grieving is all but done. You will feel relief when she's gone and that is natural.
My mum outsourced as much practical care as possible. A lady around the corner made all her meals and cleaned. Mum was more of a visitor. She would travel the 100 miles every second weekend and stay overnight, buy grandma what she needed, keep her company and organise her care.

You've been a wonderful daughter so far and have ensured that you'll have no regrets when she passes

What a load of nonsense. The OP is run ragged, her marriage is suffering, she has given up her job. For a woman who is at best indifferent, at worst actively unpleasant.