AIBU to keep working when the children may need me more?

[Nurseposter123]

I have 2 DS and the oldest is about to start school.

We are very lucky in that husband earns a lot of money (a LOT) I earn £35,000 a year but have never wanted to be a SAHM and want to keep my career going in case of anything bad happening and to retain some level of independence. I feel strongly about this as a woman.

My children are not thriving with this. They are in nursery Monday to Thursday 8-5:30. My husband works longggggg hours so I am doing all drops and pick ups and bedtime, chores. We could easily afford for me to not work (infact with two in nursery we're paying for me to work currently as not entitled to any childcare quite rightly)

My youngest in particular is sensitive and suspected ASD of some kind and I am starting to feel my career is selfish and not benefitting anyone. The crying at drop offs etc. What would you do?

YABU - Dont quit, other options
YANBU - Quit and put your kids first.

One could argue it's pretty selfish to give up a job that's of such benefit to society and other families without giving it due thought.

We wouldn't have enough doctors and nurses, teachers, or many other professionals if all parents thought like that.

A job like nursing where you need to do enough of it to stay registered and competent and confident is very different to something where you could give it up and no-one outside your immediate colleagues/customers would really notice.

It’s funny because as someone who’s had marriage problems my gut always say Jesus don’t ever lose your income while in real life I see so little of my kids when other payee off on holidays etc I pray for a lottery win so I can quit!!!! But you love your job and independence so I’d agree to try and cut a few hours

Why does this never seem to be applied to the dad's?

i have 2 young kids op and i work 80%.

Absolutely no way in hell would i give up my job. Especially in this current climate. Financial security is important, as is saving for the future.

I read this in Melinda Gates' autobiography and thought it was interesting.

I put my kids first by working, so I can afford to give them a good life.

They have both needed private surgery recently as the NHS has been awful. Working meant I was able to afford this for them and give them a better life in that way.

Part time is the perfect solution here.

No, it isn't perfect for most jobs, but with a few adjustments, it is possible.

I would recommend 2 days per week for the next few years. Enough to keep you feeling like a nurse still. You would likely enjoy those working days as 'days off' from being a housewife. Enough to keep your qualifications and progress again later in your DC's life. Enough to make your DC feel settled and at home much more.

Get a nanny?

nothing wrong with quitting if your kids need you if YOU feel that won’t drag you into depression or similar. You could go part time as pp have suggested.

whatever you do ensure he’s paying into a pension for you. Consult a solicitor maybe there is something legal you can get drawn up so that in the case of divorce you would be entitled to spousal maintenance due to care responsibilities- that’s if he’s on board with you quitting/reducing hours.

All these people saying go part time, it is worth exploring as an option but many specialist nurse roles are funded for f/time and the push back can/will be who will do your role on your days off as the hours would have to be covered by someone else and you may not be able to fil a position one or two days.

Different in a large unit/ward like A&E or ICU where there are multiple vacancies and shift patterns.