AIBU to feel hurt when my husband accepts invitations excluding me?

[Heartford]

My DH’s best friend B (50s, professionally successful) ended his marriage by having a long affair with his wife’s close friend. He caused a lot of hurt to his wife and children to whom we remain close. My DH has stayed friends with B throughout and continued to see him alone/in other male company. I have not really seen him and he knows that I disapprove of how he ended his marriage.

The affair has now ended and B is leading a single life in London. He now invites my DH to parties and dinners without me (even when everyone else’s partner is invited). The next one is 3 couples plus DH and a single woman. I don’t like that – I think it disrespects our marriage, it leaves me at home doing domestics while DH is out having fun (this already happens quite a lot as I have a demanding job and do the lion share of household/kids for various reasons) and echoes how B treated his own wife. DH can’t see the problem. He says I wouldn’t want to go myself – which is true (as I feel uncomfortable around B due to all the lies/deceit that went with his affair). DH would also (reluctantly) cancel if I make him (and would tell B that is why). But for himself, he thinks it is fine for me not to be asked and for him to accept and go alone. AIBU in being hurt by DH’s view?

Tell him ‘you don’t mind’…

WTF? He doesn’t need permission.

If OP respects and trusts her husband then what’s the issue? And if she isn’t happy about it, then she is at liberty to decide the marriage is not worth continuing

I would presume my husband can be in a room with a woman single or not without fainting so I dont see why I need to have him on a lead

Are people this jealous in real life?

You're really weirdly reading this in the way you want.

You do you. I think OP is right to be annoyed (as to the majority) and I am thankful my husband would not put up with someone like this.

This isn't about jealousy. What a weird take. It is about B being disrespectful.

This isn't being in a room with loads of women or being in a room with friends of the opposite sex. This has been weirdly set up like a date. Whether OP's husband takes the bait or not, it is rude.

Some people are so naive. It’s the particular situation OP is not happy with mother husband meeting up with mixed groups in general or hanging out with this friend. Even if her husband is the most trustworthy man on earth it’s very clear what the intention is here and DH should be putting a stop to it. Fully bet these cool wives wouldn’t be so happy with it in real life 😆

As long as you don’t have to spend time with this guy it’s fine…but I agree with PPs - this is about your husband feeling waaay too comfortable that a single woman has been invited to make up the numbers on this occasion.

No it hasn't 😂
You can go to a social event with friends and it not be disrespectful to your spouse, that is a weird take.

How is it disrespectful? By not being glued together?

I love a martini
Two at the most
Three, I'm under the table
Four, I'm under the host.

I wonder what is in the trifle?

cool wives wowee!
I wouldn't give a rat's bum personally. because i am confident and trust my husband.

Can we play the cool wives drinking game?

It's not appropriate for a married man to go to a small dinner party as a single, to be paired with a single lady. Especially when it is likely that the host dislikes his wife because she disapproves of his past behaviour. It looks like the host is trying to cause trouble.

He's great friends with a man with low morals - lie down with dogs, get up with fleas.

Obviously, a husband who loved you or cared about you would simply have said no to this deliberate slight, fully understanding (as we all do) that it's quite unacceptable for him (your husband) to attend a couples dinner party as a singleton with another female singleton to compliment him. And fully understanding (as we all do) that this is deliberately slimy behaviour on the part of his low morals bff.

Your husband already knows all this of course. The question is, why doesn't he care how deliberately disrespectful his low morals bff is being towards you?

They are both disrespectful creeps. Stop being such a doormat.

He’s not going ‘as a single’! He’s attending a dinner party to which his wife hasn’t been invited, which is a combination of couples and people attending singly (the host, the OP’s DH, the other woman going). One third of the attendees are not attending as part of a couple!

It’s a shame your husband would have so little respect for you though to go along with this particular even if he did have no intention and would not cheat. People have different standards I guess!

You are making a huge assumption that this is deliberate. How is he attending as a singleton? Are all married people automatically singletons now as soon as they leave the house alone? This place is wild sometimes.

No, I'm quite right. No need to reply again as you are entitled to your opinion - however deliberately obtuse it is - and I am entitled to mine, we definitely will not agree, I am quite correct, and I have no desire to be talked at by someone pretending not to get it :)

Thanks, bye.

I wouldn't feel disrespected over something this minor. My DH would never try to stop me going to a social event with my best friend just because there happened to be another single man there.

This has been set up nothing like a date. Nothing remotely like a date! It's a dinner party with seven other people there! Zero dates I've ever been on have involved seven of my other friends as well.

The OP has said in a previous post that there are 3 other couples going, plus her H and the single woman. It isn't a informal thing, it's been set up more like a quadruple date. I can see why she isn't happy, especially with the friend's track record and dislike for her.

Bet the cool wives drinking game would be a LOT of fun.

Gosh, you must live in a particularly insecure echo chamber, @Youlittlenightmare.

.....to be paired with a single lady.

Which assumes that the woman is going with the intention of being 'paired with' someone and not because she has long-standing friendships with some of the other guests/enjoys their company/has leisure or professional interests in common with them. She might be looking forward to spending time discussing Renaissance art or Formula One or amateur dramatics with some of the other guests and not have the slightest interest in op's husband.

A quadruple date is not a thing.

Dinner parties involve more couples than single people as you get older on account of more people finding partners. They're not "dates" or "couple events". Single men and women are not barred from them.