Dh in mood as I said I may get mcdonalds for my dinner he said its selfish

[Tomcdonaldaornot]

Hey mn!
I have just read some other posters complaining about their partners wow there seems to be a lot. I don't want that to cloud my judge ie being angry on their behalf and therefore my dh is wrong.
So I am asking here.
My baby who is 9months woke at 830am and hasn't napped today. She fought her last two naps and I have wasted an hr each time trying to get baby to nap. She usually naps but the last few days she seems more active. With no naps I have found it really impacts my night when baby doesn't nap, she has a bad night. So I have gotten ready. Dh who works from home popped downstairs and asked how day is going. I said its been full on she hasnt napped! He looked at her and said "cheeky" she laughed!
I said I was going a drive as she will nap in the car. I said I was thinking of getting a Starbucks via drive thru so I am not just driving around. At least it'll give me a destination! Then I thought ohh i could get a McDonald's! That'll sort my dinner out. Baby will nap in car. Dh then told me that was weird. I'm a grown women. And then.... wait for it... what about him? I offered to bring him mcdonalds and he said no. I then laughed and said you are a grown man I'm sure you can sort dinner. He stormed away saying "dont treat me like a child!".
Am i wrong?! He has never acted like this!!!!!!
What would you do??

He now keeps saying oh so you would let me leave and not stop me
Oh God, he sounds like the sort who will threaten to hurt themselves if you leave him.

You called his bluff and he doesn’t like it. Jesus, don’t back down now OP. This has become a power struggle, that he created!

He doesn’t like the way you behaved so
is threatening you (with leaving) to try and ensure you don’t do it again!

Wow, this really escalated, I can’t believe he knowingly ate his child’s snacks to punish you for not immediately offering a McDonald’s and sent you the image to make sure you got the message. And he’s furious as he has to make his own dinner,

his mother was right, what an utter wanker.

So he is also using threats as emotional leverage now; thinking you'll immediately spring to "omg no, dont go i'm so sorry, you're amazing, I love you, let's go fuck like bunnies and I'll cook more pastries"

This man is becoming more abhorrent as this thread goes on.

Expecting to be catered, expecting to be serviced, Manchild, eating pastries as a punishment, DARVO, threats as emotional leverage.

He's got some emotional maturity and self reflection he needs to acquire.

So he's essentially punishing you - and now threatening to leave you - because you were too tired for sex and he was cross because he wants his bangmaid to pay attention to his penis. This is sexually and emotionally coercive behaviour.

Not to mention atrocious parenting.

@PyongyangKipperbang is right: male abusers often start showing their face in pregnancy, their mask drops because they think they've now got the woman tied down and dependent on him. And there are plenty of people - including women - who will tell you you are selfish, even "deranged" (!), think of the poor man, he must be lonely, you should value your marriage by giving him sex even if you don't want to - they are part of the patriarchal structure that keeps women trapped and beaten down.

Good for you for resisting his outrageous behaviour, OP. Do not relent - it is vitally important to stand your ground here, otherwise he will keep behaving like this and get even worse, and you will eventually get ground down into an empty depressed husk.

Do this not only for yourself but also for your daughter: she needs to be shown how a woman with self-respect lays down and hold boundaries.

What a horrible entitled child of a man.

He’s a twat op. My advice is to come down hard on this now. I pandered to the ‘what about me’ business and now I have a massive man baby on my hands that tantrums regularly as I now (DS is a grown up) do my own thing when I want.

He was working before you had a baby so what did he do for dinner before the baby? Presumably he cooked. Why cant he still do that?

Oh yeah, because you've probably slipped into the role of chef and cleaner now you're on a "baby holiday" while he sleeps through the night and you cook, clean and wash his pants. His life looks a lot easier than it was before you had his baby. Which shows how awful he is.

Dont worry everyone I am not making dinner
He slept on sofa last night!!!

Good point 😂

I’m glad you stood up to him.

When my two were little, the tough times were always in the threes - 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 9 weeks, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months (allegedly to do with the baby hitting a developmental milestone) so hopefully your sweet one will be back to napping in a few days 😊

PS I always wished there were more drive-throughs when they were little - would have really helped!

This is a cross roads point in your marriage where so many women cave in and bitterly regret it.

So many men show their true self after children.
Abuse, coercive sex, sulking.

Man treats her really badly, is abusive, threatens to leave and she caves in and so it continues and only gets worse.

YOU behaved 100% correctly.
This is when you say that he can leave as you will not be abused and punished.

He is an absolute disgrace eating those especially prepared snacks for his child as punishment.

Keep spelling it out that you know EXACTLY what he did.

That you have told people what he did and they are absolutely appalled too.

If he wants to leave, he should pack a bag, because you will not tolerate being treated and spoken to the way he has behaved.

You won't tolerate it for your child.

You making the biggest fuss is the most powerful thing you can do.
It shows him that you see him very clearly and you will not be cowed by his awful behaviour.

Perhaps if he apologises sincerely you can move on, but sometimes when someone shows you exactly how nasty and petty they are you can never unsee it.

Keep your mother and friends close.

Hope you're feeling better today OP. I hope you have some emotional support - you need looking after while the baby is being tricky, not dealing with man tantrums.

I can't get over the fact that he (apparently)deliberately spoilt the tiny little treat you gave yourself - while still looking after the baby.

What is actually unbelievable is that a grown man would act this way - petty, spiteful and pathetic.

He might be 'grown up' in terms of years alive, but he is definitely very much lacking in maturity.

A 'grown man' refusing his wife's offer of a takeaway, calling it "a pity McDonald's'?!

A 'grown man' unable to make himself a bowl of pasta, or cheese on toast, or ANYTHING to eat?

A 'grown man' eating food that he KNEW was intended for his own baby?!

You have every right to be absolutely fucking furious OP.

I would message him and tell him that until you have a serious conversation about his behaviour last night and agree some ground rules on how to move forward (ie he treats you with respect, and doesn't behave like an immature selfish idiot), you won't be making him any more food.
And he can get used to sleeping on the sofa...

Anyone who clicked that you are being unreasonable clearly slipped!

Perhaps if he apologises sincerely you can move on, but sometimes when someone shows you exactly how nasty and petty they are you can never unsee it.
I completely agree with @Hailstoness . You may eventually forgive each other and move on from this, but you will likely have lost some respect for your DH, which may come back to bite him later. You now know that he is not quite the man you thought he was, and that, if he doesn't get what he wants (sex or food), he is capable of being vindictive towards you in way that you simply hadn't ever considered. Things will never be quite the same again.

Also, if he really "felt bad" about eating all the baby's treats, he wouldn't have sent you a photo of the empty box together with a gloating message.

Sorry OP, it's not you, it's him. 💐

She's already married to a spicy nugget

What would I do?

I’d bring back a 20 box of nuggets and sit on the sofa eating them. ALL. And I wouldn’t share one!

He can make his own damn food!

Get yourself another mcdonalds/drive thru of your choice tonight and bloody enjoy it.

“A pitty McDonalds”

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

FGS even if you hadn’t offered him any it would have been fine. YANBU AT ALL. My god the way some women baby their men blows my mind. All I can think about is getting a McDonald’s for my lunch now 🤤🤤🤤

This is so vindictive! 🚩

When someone shows you who they are believe them!

“Deranged”

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP’s partner…. That you? 👀