to be annoyed she is texting hearts to him at 11pm?

[BadMrsFrosty]

My husband was texting with his ex from many years ago yesterday.
Apparently she had a dream about him and got in touch after finding out a close relative passed away.
I have not seen the conversation and would never check my husband's phone, but I did see her last message to him at 11pm ended with a heart emoji.

We are middle aged and have been married forever. We have children. We are not immature 20 year olds and the relationship with this lady happened more than 2 decades ago.
But we have been working our way out of a rough patch in the marriage, and now I feel deeply annoyed.

Am I overreacting?

You will be told on here that of course he’s shagging his ex and that you should go poking through his messages.

if you are at the point of snooping around and invading his privacy then the relationship is over anyway.

You’re angry at the wrong person. Your husband should be shutting down inappropriate conversations immediately. And it sounds like this is inappropriate tbh.

I wouldn’t like it.

I've been with my husband 20 years, I trust him implicitly, if an ex girlfriend started texting him hearts late at night I'd be upset too. Absolutley no need to rekindle that "friendship". If one of my exes started texting me after 20 years, with some shit about having a dream about me I'd probably just reply "I'm married" and block.

I don't understand some of the replies to you, I can't believe noone would feel uncomfortable with exes texting their husbands dreams about them late at night with heart emojis.

Yeah she's after him, 100%. It's all incredibly cringey and can see why you're annoyed. If anyone is having dreams about your husband they should keep it to themselves. Or she made up the whole dream thing as a way to get back in touch which is even more worrying!

Lol, well, yes, we can all be moody! And yes, it's a bit - limp - excuse to get in touch with an ex. Far better from her to just say hello stranger, hows things? Least that's honest.

And perhaps hubby didn't mention it because it means bugger all to him? Rather than anything to hide. Am amazed they had each others numbers after all these years though! I don't think have any of my ex fellas numbers, not coz of dislike, just changing my phone and not being bothered to put them back in.

No. It most certainly does NOT depend on what the message says.
There is absolutely NO reason to send a ❤️ to another woman’s husband.
I try to be uplifting here and my messages with them or end my messages to family with them.
But in your case?
I vote inappropriate given the gap in years and the current unfamiliarity.
You should be annoyed.

But you give a f.... 😂

Block her number on his phone

Of course you aren't overreacting OP.

Your marriage is going through a rough patch and instead of focusing on you and trying to work on the marriage he is turning to another woman .

Tbh you can't trust him anyway: a liar lies. If he lied about financial decisions then he will lie about anything and everything.

That is unhinged

Think adjusting to this issue and your emotions about the whole thing and working out where you are with your sense of trust for him will go a long way to unravelling whether the text issue is something or nothing.

And seeing the text itself could help. I would just say (when feeling OK enough with him) I felt unsettled spotting a heart on a message but I know it can be totally neutral... could you reassure me about the message on Mon night or is she flirting in fact?

I would be reading those messages. Texting anyone at 11pm would be odd for either of us.

I would just look at the messages and decide if you are angry or not. If he refuses to show the messages then you definitely can be angry because he knows he has overstepped.

I’d hit the roof. Not a jealousy thing for
me, more like disrespect on her part. Like a previous poster said , if you’re lonely try online dating. Who does she think she is Martin Luther King? Fuck off!

I’m afraid this sounds a lot like ‘fishing’, I’ve been on the receiving end of this and it needs shutting down quickly to maintain clear boundaries around your relationship.

Definition: "Fishing" for contact relationships, in the context of modern dating and social dynamics, refers to a tactic where an individual (the "fisherman") sends non-committal, often flirty or random, messages to past contacts, exes, or acquaintances to see who responds. It is often used to test if they still have influence over that person, seek validation, or keep their options open on a "back-burner".

I would not be happy.

The dream bit is desperate and vomit inducing.
Get why you're pissed off bet DH wouldn't like it if an old flame of yours declared the same.

Just because you've had acrimonious breakups doesn't mean everyone else has. Most people I know are still friends with at least one ex, some a lot more. That's normal, and that's what you're missing.

This. Could be something or nothing from husbands perspective but this is exactly how things start. Texting from bed at 11pm is actually quite intimate. Tell him to nip it in the bud he doesn’t need to be friends with her.

Her behaviour and messages are not your concern, it's his that tell you whether you should be worried. Because she should be able to send whatever she likes without it being a threat provided your H behaves appropriately and shuts it down. As you haven't seen his messages there is no way for you to know how he responded. I think there's no point worrying at something someone else has done. Unless his behaviour changes and gives you cause to suspect him, I'd ignore this.

Yes but it isn’t a long term friendship which has developed over time. They haven’t been in touch for a long time as far as op knows.

I can't imagine texting anyone that I had a dream about them but I do know people who are definitely the type to do that (and it wouldn't have any romantic connotations, they're just a bit hippie).

I send plenty of texts at 11pm though - not sure why that's relevant to anything, it's just when I have bandwidth sometimes. Also send texts at 6am!

And in 2026 everyone seems to put hearts on every tiny text interaction - probably because the thumbs up is seen as pass-agg now.

It doesn’t matter what the context is. Neither myself or my DH would be encouraging any ex to have a text conversation unless it was about practical matters.
It’s disrespectful as it’s always going to create a suspicion no matter how strong your relationship is.
In this situation I would want to see the texts and expect him to show me so I could put my mind at rest. If he doesn’t then I’d be worried.

You aren’t over reacting. It’s how your husband reacts to the message that matters.

I often text at 11 as it’s the time when I am done with work, chores etc and hearts are quite standard these days and doesn’t mean anything