to be annoyed she is texting hearts to him at 11pm?

[BadMrsFrosty]

My husband was texting with his ex from many years ago yesterday.
Apparently she had a dream about him and got in touch after finding out a close relative passed away.
I have not seen the conversation and would never check my husband's phone, but I did see her last message to him at 11pm ended with a heart emoji.

We are middle aged and have been married forever. We have children. We are not immature 20 year olds and the relationship with this lady happened more than 2 decades ago.
But we have been working our way out of a rough patch in the marriage, and now I feel deeply annoyed.

Am I overreacting?

Haha - not sure you are reading the posts.
It's not about jealousy, it's about finding it pathetic when an ex from 20 years ago gets in touch on pretext of "Oh I had a dream". Only after getting in touch did she ask and find out about the person who passed away.
I also now have more information about the heart message, volunteered by my husband. It was a comment about my husband's birth town being selected for an award, followed by a heart.
Nothing to be jealous of. But a) it's pathetic, if you want to get in touch with someone find a reason that makes sense, b) if you want to get in touch with an ex boyfriend after more than a decade because you're lonely maybe choose one who is single.

And to all the people saying men can be friends with women and it's ok to send each other heart emojis: YES, FULLY AGREE

But getting in touch with an ex after a decade of silence is not friendship & reminiscing about good old times. It's plain weird!!

But it's still weird that she remembers his after so long. Or looked it up. She's after attention. It's up to the husband to shut it down.

Maybe I need to be clearer now that I have more information. The conversation seems to be as follows.
Looong silence... Then April 12th 2026:

Ex: Hey, How are you doing? I had this dream something bad happened to you. You ok?
H: All good, how are you
Ex & H: yadda yadda yadda
Ex: how is so & so? I tried to call but their number doesn't exist
H: so & so died
Ex: so sorry etc
Ex & H: yadda yadda yadda
Ex: PS your home town won this cool award heart emoji

My biggest issue is with the opening line 😂

Sounds so benign but yeah I’d have a problem.lol husband would know it’s a big no

You do you but I couldn’t be with someone who had so little respect for me that they saw fit to poke through my phone

Oh yeah I agree it’s weird to text him after so long.

But my phone has contacts that have just transferred from phone to phone over the years. So I don’t think that just having his number is what makes it weird, or means she remembers it by heart.

You did it then? I do hope you are going to tell him that you invaded his privacy because you don’t trust him and randomers on the net told you to. If I were him I would call it a day.

And will you hand your phone to him so he can do the same?

That's fair. I clear out phone numbers, but you're right.

She said upthread that he gave her the information, so maybe he showed her his phone.

I think it’s a terrible way to behave. But then I don’t like controlling partners so maybe I am biased.

It was fairly innocuous but you didn’t trust him. You said you have been having relationship issues - I can’t see that it’s worth all the stress

oh.

I actually have an ex who checks annually that I am still married,

Ex: Hi Fish, how's you?
Me: I'm all good you?
Maybe a to/fro about where our lives are.
Ex: You still married?
Me: yep, going for 20+ years (the relationship marriage a bit less)
Ex: Dammit, he is such a lucky guy, tell him I said hello and to let me know when he's been relegated.

We bump into my DH ex every so often and they have a chinwag. I don't think there's anything in it bar just remembering someone you had a bit of shared history with.
I check in with one of mine every 1/4 or so.

DH and I are who we are because we have been shaped by life. Our previous relationships helped with that.

Why do ex partners need to give the new partner respect? It's not the ex's relationship?

Its pretty insensitive to tell someone u had a bad dream about them. She's out if order in more ways than one

I did not look through his phone. In fact I haven't seen any of the messages. My "reconstruction" is just going by what he told me in a chat today, And no I did not force him. He just shared the gist of the chat when I told him I found the whole "I had a dream" thing weird and irritating

At this point I think we can comfortably close this thread unless anyone else has comical or creepy stories about weird exes and their attempts to get back in touch after x years.😀

Thanks for the update Mrs.frosty.😁💐

Agree with all this - too many wives put up with stuff because they fear being unreasonable.
Plus horrors H and I have access to each other’s phones anytime - why wouldn’t we?? Now expect to be led to a MN firing squad for atrocious wife behaviour 🤦‍♀️

This

texting after 20yrs about a dream she had

a def WTF

FWIW I would be livid. And it sounds well off

Read the whole thread…

And that it his opportunity to run for the hills. You don’t get to lay down the law to your partner. If you are not happy about their behaviour you can tell them but ultimately you can’t control them, however much most of you seem to try.

They weren't acrimonious, but they were the end, as in I don't believe in friends with exes, I've had at least two friends whose relationship broke up when friendly exes got back in touch, there's too much murkiness imo to stay friends, so many other people in the world to be friends with.

Martin Luther king 😭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Where are these many other people? 🤣

If it’s mutual then fine. Doing it sneakily is different. If some woman came on here to say her husband is suspicious of her and checking her phone, I guarantee all the ‘just snoop’ people would be up in arms.