to be annoyed she is texting hearts to him at 11pm?

[BadMrsFrosty]

My husband was texting with his ex from many years ago yesterday.
Apparently she had a dream about him and got in touch after finding out a close relative passed away.
I have not seen the conversation and would never check my husband's phone, but I did see her last message to him at 11pm ended with a heart emoji.

We are middle aged and have been married forever. We have children. We are not immature 20 year olds and the relationship with this lady happened more than 2 decades ago.
But we have been working our way out of a rough patch in the marriage, and now I feel deeply annoyed.

Am I overreacting?

The “I had a dream about you last night” line was my ex’s go to chat up line. I’d expect dh to shut that down.

So far nearly 80% of women here have voted they wouldn't be happy with another woman texting their DH at 11pm & no doubt at any other time, especially adding hearts. Does this not say something. To those who consider this normal I say keep those texts for available men & those in an open marriage. I can't imagine texting & sending hearts to another woman's husband & to do so when they are possibly snuggled up in bed takes it to another level.

I do dream about people very intensely, and then they are on my mind for a while after. Luckily my exes were so long ago we don’t have mobile phone numbers, so there’s no temptation! I might Facebook prowl, though. Seeing what’s going on in real life helps me let go of the unsettling dream.

I’m pragmatic but also imaginative and an over thinker. I’d love to be able to go back and apologise to people in the past where I got stuff wrong. It niggles at me. So she isn’t necessarily designing on your husband.

Doesn't sound like there's a lot of trust in your marriage.

I'd be fucked off too. It's pathetic, she's looking for attention. And men lap that shit up like puupies.

Ask him about it. Tell him it has pissed you off and it's a fine fucking line he's teetering on.

The fact that he lied about financial decisions is proof that he is untrustworthy and doesn't have your best interests at heart.

He isn't being open and transparent with you about the recent exchange of texts with his ex. I'd be very wary if I were you. If he's cross that you found out about his financial shenanigans, he is probably enjoying getting his own back by texting with his ex, knowing it will piss you off.

you mean has she hearted a message? (that’s ok) but sending a red (?) heart to someone’s husband? that’s mostly overstepping, especially at night, and ex, and with that flaky excuse:
“I had a dream that you’re not okay. I’m so glad nothing happened to you ❤️”

vs

“you’re going for your daily walk, look after yourself 💚” i guess that type of message would be more harmless

and then keeping in mind that he recently lied to you… don’t gaslight yourself into saying it’s you being a “silly cow”

You're not overreacting at all. My Ex had an ex messaging him hearts. He told me she just wanted a friend - turns out they were cheating behind our backs as she was married.

It has absolutely nothing to do with trust. It has everything to do with a total lack of respect for the woman whose husband she feels free to message. Obviously if she has other intentions & the husband is reciprocating then he is at fault for not shutting it down. Regardless of whether there are other intentions it is still disrespectful behaviour on both sides.

Some of these comments are batshit. If you don’t trust your husbands/partners then why bother? The bitterness is everywhere, with unhinged ideas about going through his phone and even blocking her number.

Just want to put it out there that if your men did these things, you would say they were controlling and abusive.

How comes she’s got his number? Ex of 20 years ago ?

But she presumably doesn’t know the OP so certainly doesn’t owe her respect. And of course it’s to do with that.

I wonder why people bother being in relationships

It's honestly hard to say OP.

I have had slightly flirty messages with the odd ex and one colleague throughout my long marriage. No affairs took place.

My ex H was always messaging other women and his special 'friend' who he eventually left me for. I was an idiot and trusted him.

Personally I wish I'd scooped. Could have saved myself years of heartache!

I would not text an ex that I had had a dream about them. that's universally language of flirtation!

#snooped!

Agreed.

OP, my uncle ended up in a similar situation—my auntie got in touch with an old flame. It escalated, and they are now divorced.

OP - leave him. He has a right to message whomever he wants and you have a right not to like it.

If someone snooped on my phone (even though there is nothing exciting on there), they would be out the door in a heartbeat. Invading someone’s privacy is a deal breaker.

I trust my husband implicitly & I'm not jealous or bitter. This doesn't mean I'd be comfortable with other women sending him texts & hearts. Thankfully he has more respect for me & would shut it down unless it was work related or an emergency situation where someone needed help. I give him the same respect & wouldn't dream of sending texts & hearts to other single men far less married men.

She clearly wants him but he is being honest with you. Thank him for being honest and forget her now and focus on having fun with your husband. Don’t make a drama out of it. I’d feel annoyed too but wouldn’t act on it. She’s bang out of order sending him that message.

Presumably she will know he's married. That alone means she absolutely does owe the man's wife respect.

Sounds like she’s sniffing around. I bet it was a sex dream too or that’s how she’s sold it to him.

I wouldn’t be happy about this.

No she doesn’t. Why should she be bothered

I was in touch with my first love for 30 years until he died recently. There was nothing romantic about it, just checked in on each other a couple of times a year as friends 🤷

What does your gut say? we’re usually right about things like this. I think you have every right to be pissed off.

Maybe she did have a dream? Can’t say one way or the other -just cos you don’t believe in that kind of thing doesn’t mean it’s not true. My mum and I once had the very same symbolic dream involving panthers, toilets and woods one night.

I send heart emojis to both male and female friends all the time! I’d just drop it - if you cling onto it it will likely affect your relationship