to be annoyed she is texting hearts to him at 11pm?

128 replies

BadMrsFrosty · 13/04/2026 22:27

My husband was texting with his ex from many years ago yesterday.
Apparently she had a dream about him and got in touch after finding out a close relative passed away.
I have not seen the conversation and would never check my husband's phone, but I did see her last message to him at 11pm ended with a heart emoji.

We are middle aged and have been married forever. We have children. We are not immature 20 year olds and the relationship with this lady happened more than 2 decades ago.
But we have been working our way out of a rough patch in the marriage, and now I feel deeply annoyed.

Am I overreacting?

OP posts:

Reasonstobelieve · 15/04/2026 06:07

Horses7 · 14/04/2026 16:41

Agree with all this - too many wives put up with stuff because they fear being unreasonable.
Plus horrors H and I have access to each other’s phones anytime - why wouldn’t we?? Now expect to be led to a MN firing squad for atrocious wife behaviour 🤦‍♀️

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DH & I share phones as if they were our own. If one is out of charge the other is always available. We would never consider checking messages as snooping. We occasionally check both phones to remind each other we haven't replied to someting important.

Angrybird76 · 16/04/2026 08:44

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/04/2026 17:40

And that it his opportunity to run for the hills. You don’t get to lay down the law to your partner. If you are not happy about their behaviour you can tell them but ultimately you can’t control them, however much most of you seem to try.

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Erm I'm not sure i said anyone should control anyone? Part of having a healthy relationship is setting boundaries, some are hard and some develop over time. Hard boundaries should be few and far between, but you should hold them and be clear what happens if someone crosses them. Thats not controlling others, that's having control of your own life. And yes, if someone doesn't like that they can leave. Having been left by my exh after an affair that he swore for a year wasn't happening, I wish I had insisted he showed me his texts. He would likely have refused and then I would have known. That is my boundary now, that if either of us ask to see phones (with my husband now) then we do. I have never had to ask as yet and I dont think I ever will. But it's there

ChappellApple · 19/04/2026 20:44

Whatwerewetalkingabout · 14/04/2026 01:12

I've been with my husband 20 years, I trust him implicitly, if an ex girlfriend started texting him hearts late at night I'd be upset too. Absolutley no need to rekindle that "friendship". If one of my exes started texting me after 20 years, with some shit about having a dream about me I'd probably just reply "I'm married" and block.

I don't understand some of the replies to you, I can't believe noone would feel uncomfortable with exes texting their husbands dreams about them late at night with heart emojis.

One of the first sensible replies on here! I have been with my husband 20 years, too, trust him implicitly, and am very happy with him, but would be so hurt by this (but he just wouldn't). I asked him about this in case my neurodivergent mind was missing something. He said this comes across as a blatant mutual willy/fanny wave, and that initial instinct should be trusted more, rather than allowed to be gaslit by the guilty parties...

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