Solo night away - dh not happy

[Twosugarsplzz]

Hello

I have an 11month baby boy. My mum has looked after him, one on one, a handful of times and had him overnight once (just a few weeks ago). He slept through (unusual!), ate all his dinner (again unusual!) And even let my mum brush his teeth. I was shocked but pleased. Anyway, two of my close friends are on annual leave and have asked if I fancied lunch at theirs in a few days time. I agreed. I checked if my mum could look after baby (as dh working) and she said yes. I would have taken baby but their flat is very small and they have a dog who i haven't met yet. My baby boy wants to crawl everywhere and I dont know this dog. My friends live near my mums house (i live an hour away from family and friends).
As mentioned, my mum said she would look after baby and then offered to take him overnight that same day too! I said no, I was only seeing friends for lunch. But then, after a few really bad sleepless nights, I thought, I could book a hotel and stay there while baby stays at my mums that night. She gets to spend time with grandson, she offered overnight, and I could catch up on sleep! I thought about asking dh to join but its too short notice for him to get time off work and then we'd have to think about what to do with our dog etc. I would have stayed at my mums but she lives in a flat and doesnt have much room. I would be sleeping on the couch. Or my mums room with my mum on the couch (i cant do that!).
So I was telling dh my idea of booking the hotel, room service, long bath, early night etc and he is really not happy. Told me its lazy and why am I desperate to get away from baby. I told him I am not and he told me I would be hitting the roof if other way around. I said damn right, cause you dont even do wake ups so yeah. He's now pissed at me.
We started talking again and he said he was taken back by my suggestion and he thinks its pretty selfish I would disappear to a hotel. He said I wanted a baby, as did he, so I dont get to just ditch him and go to a hotel whenever I like.
He is blowing this out of proportion but now I feel like shit. What would u do???

Woh. This has red flags all over it. You will both have a nice night off and he is digging his heels in? Sounds ultra controlling and questioning your dedication to your baby because you want to have a rare night away to be yourself is horrendous. Time away makes us better parents not worse. You should take her up on her offer and find a way to explain that this is not acceptable. If you cave, you are giving credence to this very dangerous message.

My thoughts exactly...

Glad to read you are returning to work as he sounds lazy and controlling.

He needs to step up now.
He sounds like a very poor father and husband.

Enjoy your break, you so deserve it.

Don't forget to check the hotel room you're booking does have a bath (some don't) and also ask your DH not to call or text past X o'clock. Hope you have a lovely relaxing stay xx

The baby isn't the one I'd be ditching.

Unless this is something you can't really afford, book the damn hotel and go.

Maybe friends will be up for dinner and a few cocktails

Not defending him in general as I think he he needs to start pulling his weight with bed times ' overnight walks, but the baby is being looked after by Grandma because OP's lunch is on a work day & he is working. Besides Grandma wants to look after the baby!

Well, father of the year has got a whole month to get used to being a parent then.

Well is your husband the one picking up all the grunt work, all the wake ups, the one who's probably not been alone for literally months? Sometimes you need space. She's not even expecting him to do anything! He can use his money and go stop in a hotel too or have the lads over etc

If they love being single, why did they get married? Your point makes no sense.

If you would divorce your husband over something like this, you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place because you clearly didn't want to marry him in the first place. You could also do with some therapy

The point is stop trying to moderate the thread. That's not how Mumsnet works.

Bet he's moaning to his mates the baby is out the house and he's not even getting sex.

Enjoy your hotel chill night, OP.
If your room has a jacuzzi bath don't use products! 🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧

I'd be really annoyed if my DH blathered kn about how I'm ditching the baby.... then expected me to "ditch the baby" and come home to him with a takeaway.

Honestly some people just can't read the room. OPs DH is a lazy prick of a parent... and people are saying she should reward him instead of having a well deserved break.

But isn't that what you're doing by telling me what I can and cannot say?

He's not sounding so appealing right now, so I wouldn't be spending w hours driving to have a night with him ☹️.

No.. I'm clarifying what the other posters point was because you're incapable of understanding it.

First post nails it

go to the hotel!

Read this all new parents. 12 months in and Dad is nervous about parenting his own kid. THIS is why people say to make sure Dad can do what you can do, to go out and get that coffee or go to dinner with your friends even tho baby is still young. Because you get men who simply will not step up until they have to.
At 1, a parent shouldn't be experiencing full parenting for the first time! He should know the baby's routine and habits, should know how to care and comfort them.

OP I'd drop your phone down the loo on the way out to the hen do.

Exactly. It isn't about baby, it's about poor hubby having to look after himself (in all ways!) cos his carer has left the building.
At least he's not suggesting she's cheating, that's one thing I suppose on a very low bar.

God all these people going on about taking dh or spending a night without him! So what? They are not joined at the hip and time alone doing their own stuff is good

op just go, don’t feel guilty in anyway and enjoy it

The other posters point was to police my speech because I policed speech.

At least I was smart enough to understand that, unlike you 😘

While I agree that the 'LTB' is too prolific on Mumsnet, I don't agree that this is a simple run of the mill misunderstanding. Her DH is not only trying to prevent her from having a night away when he doesn't have to do any of the work, but also saying that she is a neglectful parent by wanting to do so. This is serious red flag territory and I would be thinking long and hard about how to handle this.

Your DH is a wanker. My DH used to work away a lot when our non- sleeping son was little. He used to book me nights away in the city I worked in so I could get a chance at a full nights sleep and lie in and some chilled evenings.

No, they were explaining the literal rules.of Mumsnet to you.

My mum’s second marriage ended because she went off to business and other things she cared about (eco) with me as a baby. Don’t think she left me with him but she could’ve done. Anyway, dad hit the roof once or twice about it, prob jealousy as she was interviewed on tv (only the once though!). Not entire reason why the marriage ended though.

Dad would’ve preferred a SAHM, which mum was, but she was also her own woman.

Be your own woman/person. No guilt and definitely don’t take DH along. Can’t believe people advocating that. They are not and do not need to be joined at the hip. He’ll manage fine when you’re away for the hen. Will be good for him to bond with his baby.