Solo night away - dh not happy

[Twosugarsplzz]

Hello

I have an 11month baby boy. My mum has looked after him, one on one, a handful of times and had him overnight once (just a few weeks ago). He slept through (unusual!), ate all his dinner (again unusual!) And even let my mum brush his teeth. I was shocked but pleased. Anyway, two of my close friends are on annual leave and have asked if I fancied lunch at theirs in a few days time. I agreed. I checked if my mum could look after baby (as dh working) and she said yes. I would have taken baby but their flat is very small and they have a dog who i haven't met yet. My baby boy wants to crawl everywhere and I dont know this dog. My friends live near my mums house (i live an hour away from family and friends).
As mentioned, my mum said she would look after baby and then offered to take him overnight that same day too! I said no, I was only seeing friends for lunch. But then, after a few really bad sleepless nights, I thought, I could book a hotel and stay there while baby stays at my mums that night. She gets to spend time with grandson, she offered overnight, and I could catch up on sleep! I thought about asking dh to join but its too short notice for him to get time off work and then we'd have to think about what to do with our dog etc. I would have stayed at my mums but she lives in a flat and doesnt have much room. I would be sleeping on the couch. Or my mums room with my mum on the couch (i cant do that!).
So I was telling dh my idea of booking the hotel, room service, long bath, early night etc and he is really not happy. Told me its lazy and why am I desperate to get away from baby. I told him I am not and he told me I would be hitting the roof if other way around. I said damn right, cause you dont even do wake ups so yeah. He's now pissed at me.
We started talking again and he said he was taken back by my suggestion and he thinks its pretty selfish I would disappear to a hotel. He said I wanted a baby, as did he, so I dont get to just ditch him and go to a hotel whenever I like.
He is blowing this out of proportion but now I feel like shit. What would u do???

I’d go to the hotel and tell him to fuck off.

My husband actively encourages me to do things for myself like that.

Not sure why you have to go to a hotel. Just have a good nights sleep at home.

Why is he so mean spirited to a. Begrudge his wife having a nice night away and b. Never do any wake ups. If he wanted his baby so much he can look after them then all night long.

With a (D?)H like that, just as well you have a supportive mum!

Please do it. Your Mum is offering….take her up on that offer. If your husband wanted to stay away overnight, to see friends maybe, would you have a problem with that? I bet not. Please do something for yourself. If you give in then you’re setting a precedent for the future.
ps don’t listen to that ‘Well you wanted a baby’ crap. Of course you did but you also deserve to have some time to yourself without a guilt trip.

Yes that's what I was wondering too.

My mum is great. This is her first grandchild and omg she loves being a granny. Nothing is ever too much. Always offering to help, look after baby etc. I was surprised she offered an overnight but she absolutely loves spending time with him and I have been telling her about my sleep recently. Apparently baby boy is being the way I was when I was a baby so mum has been giving me lots of advice etc.

He's being miserable. Your baby will be with his loving grandma and you get a lie in. Is your husband expecting you to never have a night away? I bet he'll be fine with doing that himself when the opportunity comes up.

You're not ditching your kid 😂 He's been away from you for 1 might in almost a year after you carried him for 9 months prior.

I ha dmy first night away from my toddler (he just turned 2) last month and I told my DH (who was looking after him) that I wasted the time by having a girls night that I really would have much more enjoyed a queit dinner alone, a bath, an early night ina big bed with nobody waking me! It sound like absolute bliss to me.

Also, my parents live 4 hour drive away so have never had my son overnight alone as obviously when we visit we have to stay due to the distance. But my mum always encourages me to go out for a few hours.so she can have my son all to herself and spoil him (only grandchild). I know if she lived closer she'd love to have him overnight! Yiur mum offered... thats very generous.

Also... if your DH doesn't do wake ups he has ZERO idea about the mental and physical strains of never ever being able.to switch off because you are always waiting to get back up again quickly.

💯 GO! And have a lovely big glass of wine too

I could go home no problem. Its only because my mum offered and it would save us both the hr drive late afternoon! Plus, I dont have a bath at home only shower and I started getting excited with the thought of having a lovely bath and then an early night. Bliss!!

That’s so lovely.

What are you going to do about the twat of a DH?

This. It's not up to him.

Make the most of the opportunity to catch up on sleep! A few times I’ve had a night away, just to have that time to myself, to relax and reset. The morning cuppa is absolute bliss!

Unless there is some massive back story like being in debt etc, there is no reason at all why you shouldn’t book a hotel for one night. People acting like you’re going away for 2 weeks or something 🤣

Yes big glass of wine in bath and then falling asleep to crap tv.. oh and a hotel breakfast!!

Amazing!

It’s a wonderful idea. I have a whole holiday every year (3-10 nights) just to get away from my kids! I love them (and Dh), but we don’t need to spend every night together. It’s fantastic to be able to get up when you want and finish an uninterrupted meal and read a book in peace. Does your Dh never go away? Let me guess it’s not ‘lazy’ for him to get a break from parenting?

Because she would need to travel 2hrs each day to drop/collect the baby at her mums... what's wrong with booking hotel and enjoying a break?

I'd love it personally. If I went home I'd just start doing housework and not actually relax

I think it’s because the OP stays an hour away from her friends and family.

Do it OP, I used to do the same, I’d travel to my IL’s, they’d keep the children overnight or on occasion for a couple of days and I’d go to a hotel. It was bliss.

Its my money!! We pay equal amounts for bills, savings etc but I would be using my own money. The more I type, the more I dont know why I havd posted this!!!

Im booking the hotel!! And it'll be cheap being midweek... ohh maybe not its the easter hols... if its expensive ill go home 😊

So desperate to get away from baby you waited 11 months! He's being utterly fucking ridiculous OP, you need to be 100% clear about that in your own mind and behave accordingly. Go to the hotel, enjoy every second and treat his comments and opinions with the absolute disdain they deserve.

He doesn't want you to be away overnight for his own reasons. Probably based in lack of trust. He's using the baby as justification. If you give in, you'll set a precedent and you'll never be 'allowed' any freedom without a fight.

I’d go home if it’s only an hour away, spend time with your dh and go and fetch your baby the next day

I have two boys, one 2 and one 7 months old, from the very start both my partner and I said if we ever needed it, there was the offer to go stay in a hotel for the night whilst the other took care of the kids. Looking after babies is exhausting, especially when you’re not sleeping very well. If you’re the one doing all the wake ups, you won’t have had a solid night of sleep in months plus, if you were anything like me, you weren’t sleeping much during the late stages of pregnancy. Book the hotel and enjoy the uninterrupted hours of sleep and go back to your bubba feeling refreshed! You’ll be a much better parent for it.

Your mum knows you need this. Please take her up on her offer, have a lovely lunch with your friends, cocktail/mocktail, a nice hot bubble bath with no time limit, hot feel good food, and an uninterrupted sleep.

I promise you, you won’t regret it.