AIBU not to understand parents dreading school holidays with their children?

[Fancycrab]

A lot of my mum friends are constantly saying things like “counting down the days till their back in school”, and before the holidays, “I’m dreading this two weeks”, “what am I going to do with them?!”, “why are the holidays so bloody long” etc etc. Firstly, I just want to say this has nothing to do with work or money, I understand that school holidays can be difficult for working parents (myself included) but many of the parents I’ve heard saying this are SAHMs with plenty of money. Some of them have even said stuff in front of their kids or to them, like “god what am I gonna do with you for two weeks”. I feel sorry for their kids, it’s like they don’t like spending time with them or even like them. Makes me think why’d you bother having kids if you don’t like spending time with them?? School holidays are difficult for me cos I have to shuffle my working hours about and pay for a few holiday clubs, but I love spending time with them. I’m a single parent too and I don’t have a lot of money and yeah it’s a lot sometimes, but I love going on walks with them, taking them to the park or making something at home. I genuinely enjoy their company and realise these years while their young and actually enjoy spending time with me are going to be gone in a nano second and I’ll never get them back, so I make sure I appreciate these years and make the most of them. AIBU to not understand the mindset of dreading having your kids at home for the holidays (barring financial or work reasons)?

That should say “pretty intense for some people” not domestic people 🙄

ND mum here with ND girls. I prefer the holidays as I'm not getting mutiny about attending school. But it's tough.

Eldest is ASD/ADHD and can't leave me alone (which includes constant touching and sometimes licking my face) giving and needing firm hugs and jumping on me (she's 12). She argues a lot with younger DD and enjoys different things.

I'm constantly overstimulated and feeling guilty, and struggling to balance plans to keep everyone even.

I know you are excluding ND families from your judgement but you don't know how it is for your 'friends'. The guilt of not being a perfect parent when that's your only job, how the children are behind closed doors, the pressure of keeping the housework up to standard whilst entertaining the children.

I do like spending time with DD, on days out, holidays, watching films, walking the dog etc are all great. We usually do a holiday or trip away most school holidays.

What I do find difficult is time just chilling at home. If she's not watching TV she does want me to play with her constantly which I find very hard to enjoy. I'm an adult I don't have the imagination for playing schools, Barbies, Sylvanian families, I find it draining. I do organise play dates but i feel it is important as an only child for her to learn to entertain herself at least a bit! It is getting better with age TBF but a slow process. She doesn't use a tablet or game or anything like that so it's just TV or playing if we're at home with no plans

I really like mine being on holiday as long as I’ve got the time off work. And also enjoyed it when they were younger as long as I was off. Or if they’re doing something independently/ an activity club for the younger one (12) that they enjoy.

What I don’t like is having younger one - particularly when he was younger but still now - just rattling round the house when I’m working, so I make sure that doesn’t happen.

Older one is 17 now but obviously used to be younger and I don’t have that short a memory. Obviously having her in the house doesn’t bother me at all - mind you, having her in the house when I was working didn’t bother me when she was 11/12 but she’s a different personality to my son!

I can work fine with him in the house with a friend after school, or on his own after school, but whole days of that are no good anyone.

So what I’m saying is, I can understand them dreading it if they have primary school aged or even early secondary aged kids just knocking about the house when they’re working!

And obviously the holidays are tricky if you haven’t got any money to do things.

Love school holidays. During term we are up at 6.30 to ensure DS is out of the house to catch 7.30 bus (we are rural so long bus ride to secondary school). During holidays I can have my alarm set for 8, showered, get a couple of chores done and be at my desk for 9, not feeling like crap.

I don't dread the holidays at all but I do find it difficult to entertain my DC all day. I'm autistic and I don't know if that's the reason. I find it hard to be "on" and talked to constantly all day. I can feel overstimulated. I need downtime and I can get that with my DC but that generally involves letting them watch tv while I do something alone like read / cook / clean / watch tv but feel guilty for doing that.

^^ This!

I remember saying that I was dreading the school holidays to another mum after my daughter started pre-school and she replied that she enjoyed the holidays because she likes spending time with her children. I realised that she had a good point and I was only saying it because that's what everyone else says so I thought they were something to be dreaded!

I'm so glad I had that realisation early on - the logistics can be tricky, but I do love have some chilled time with my kids.

How do you manage work with kids at home

I love the school holidays. No waiting around in the freezing rain for my kids to come out of school, no having to see/deal with moronic teachers that have all the brains of a garden pea. No avoiding the PTFA mafia, no having to hurry mornings along, not getting enough sleep or breakfast. No hustling them into their uniforms, fighting with my autistic son about his sleeves, or persuading my ADHDer into an itchy uniform. They can stay naked all day.
I still have to work, but I deliberately cut my days shorter and do stuff with my children.
I hate the boring, humdrum routine of school and if it weren’t for the costs involved I would home educate (I am an ex teacher of 10 years experience with 8 years as a SENDCO)

I look forward to getting out of the school routine but holidays are hard and getting increasingly harder as the years go on.
we have zero family support, my job entails working from home as we don’t have a physical office.
I try and balance work with summer clubs but one of my children has additional needs and can no longer cope in a club. Every day there are meltdowns as things are different and out of routine. My other child is highly active but shy so hates going to summer clubs, he gets bored easily and fed up of his brothers meltdowns which often mean we can’t get out of the house. So please consider how different peoples circumstances are before you judge them. I love time with my children but it’s truly mentally exhausting with the constant juggling and feelings of guilt.
i feel so inadequate with the ‘perfect holiday’ parents as im sure many do.

Be even more sad if you end up homeless as you can't pay your bills due to spending all school holidays playing with kids and not earning

Yeah same. I’m autistic and my son is also ND (type as yet unconfirmed) and he must be singing or talking at all times. I love him but it drives me round the bend. Tomorrow I get to be in the house all alone in complete silence 😬

Because people told me it's different when they're your own, and I believed them! Now I know it's not different but what do you expect me to do - put them back where they came from?!🙄

I am afraid I am one of those terrible mothers who often doesn't enjoy spending time with her children. They're not difficult. They're lovely and I adore them, but I hate imaginary play. I don't find the walks, parks, museums, beach trips particularly interesting or fun (at least not with them). I find the constant noise and demands, the chatter and bouncing around incredibly overstimulating. Cooking or baking with them? No way, I just want to get on with it, making as little mess as possible.

I wish I could enjoy it more, I really do, but it's just not who I am. I realise I sound terrible but in my defence I'm not shit at every part of mothering. Some bits I'm great at - and I think that's fair to say of all of us. Some of the mothers who are great at playing with their kids aren't necessarily so good at other parts of parenting. I try to give myself some grace for us all being different but I do still feel bad about this subject and really don't need other, more 'perfect' mothers pointing it out, thanks, because what exactly do you expect me to do? How can I change it? I do what they need me to in terms of crafts and games etc. but enjoy it? Not very often. Believe me, I wish it could be different.

Out of interest, are you still moronic with a brain the size of a pea or did that magically change when you left teaching? I suppose this proves the PP right that less intelligent people are more likely to enjoy time off with their children 😉

Nice username OP. It suits you.

That’s why I left teaching. I could feel my brain cells being crushed. Thankfully I left before too much of my brain was dead. I mean I went on to get 2 more masters degrees and 3 degrees in medical fields, so I guess I’m not unintelligent, thankfully.

You sound unbearable

Because I have four children between the age of 15 and 6.

The weather, aside from a couple of days, has been rubbish.

Im skint because we are about to be made homeless.

My house is full of packed boxes.

My husband works nights and needs to sleep during day, and he hasnt got much sleep be cause kids make noise.

It was a huge relief today when they went back

Because planning to have a baby is very different to the reality of having a child once they hit about 5 years old. No one has any idea what type of child they will have. I love my child but I work full time and she's always been in school/nursery, I don't want to spend 24/7 with her, same as I don't want to spend 24/7 with anyone, it's too intense. I am not just a parent

I'm also a single parent But the working/holiday juggle is hard. Mine are 14 and 11, and after so many years of it, there were def times that I dreaded the holidays. Limited holiday clubs or kids being really bored of them and now wanting to go. Or they fell out with the friends I was sharing childcare with or the kids turned out to be a nightmare! Or they want to see their friends, but holidays don't align so are bored. They want to be on screens and I am dragging them off. It was easier when they were little and biddable - you are in the sweet spot now. We did loads of park trips when they were little - could easily waste most of the day but they don't want to do that now! I just had a week off with them and it was lovely, all of us just pottering around, but I've rarely been able to take that long off in recent years.

So, I am always torn about this.

On the one hand, I work in a v demanding FT job and my DH is a teacher, so enjoys holidays off with our primary aged kids. Its not a lie to say I have a little sob each school holiday as I pootle off to work and leave them all. I can only usually take a day or two max per half-term as leave. I feel like I'm missing out all the time, and whilst they're super happy to have Dad home to play with, I am sad about it. They'll grow up and their memories of school holidays will not include me much. When I am off I make a big effort to plan days out and fill our time well though.

Meanwhile, most friends are teachers and off with their kids all holiday. They do get pretty stressed out about it and I can see why. I appreciate that I probably have rose-tinted glasses about what its like.

I guess the ideal is a nice happy medium!

I think you are taking it a bit too literally. Some people might just be moaning, others might (or their children might) have physical or mental health issues. There could be financial issues, abuse, difficulties managing children and work.

To unilaterally decide that all people who don’t enjoy school holidays with their children must dislike that is a huge leap. Do you also believe we all have the same 24 hours in a day? 🙄

I’m with you, single parent here and 2 kids age 6 and 7, I love it when my children are off school. But as others have said as mine go to holiday club for some of it I guess I still get a break, although I really envy parents who get to spend every day with their kids.

YABU

i love my kids (now both adults) dearly, but they are both ND (Autistic/dyslexic/ADHD) and fought like cat and dog through childhood and still don’t get along even now they are both in their 20s.

They are just completely different human beings, One is sporty, the other into reading/cooking etc. it was impossible to find things they both enjoyed doing and they are generally better off apart from each other. We tried taking it in turns, but that meant one of them hated whatever we were doing and was therefore difficult.

School holidays were a nightmare and I couldn’t wait to get back to work. Individually - fine, together it was like WW3 all of the time.

I guess that makes me a bad parent, but as they are now both fully functioning adults, I can live with it.

You say you are a single parent, can i ask if you co parent? do they have weekends etc with dad?

I admit i do find the school holidays long & tedious. Im a sahm & no friends or family near by. So stuck at home with kids not seeing anyone is soul destroying. I feel guilty because kids dont see many other people in holidays. My husband is not hands on, so i dont get a break either. I mean atleast when they are in school i can get in car and go shopping on my own . For me it feels like im back in lockdown when kids are home for weeks.