AIBU not to understand parents dreading school holidays with their children?

[Fancycrab]

A lot of my mum friends are constantly saying things like “counting down the days till their back in school”, and before the holidays, “I’m dreading this two weeks”, “what am I going to do with them?!”, “why are the holidays so bloody long” etc etc. Firstly, I just want to say this has nothing to do with work or money, I understand that school holidays can be difficult for working parents (myself included) but many of the parents I’ve heard saying this are SAHMs with plenty of money. Some of them have even said stuff in front of their kids or to them, like “god what am I gonna do with you for two weeks”. I feel sorry for their kids, it’s like they don’t like spending time with them or even like them. Makes me think why’d you bother having kids if you don’t like spending time with them?? School holidays are difficult for me cos I have to shuffle my working hours about and pay for a few holiday clubs, but I love spending time with them. I’m a single parent too and I don’t have a lot of money and yeah it’s a lot sometimes, but I love going on walks with them, taking them to the park or making something at home. I genuinely enjoy their company and realise these years while their young and actually enjoy spending time with me are going to be gone in a nano second and I’ll never get them back, so I make sure I appreciate these years and make the most of them. AIBU to not understand the mindset of dreading having your kids at home for the holidays (barring financial or work reasons)?

There’s quite a lot of research out there detailing that parents with a really high IQ, struggle far more with young children. They find the chaotic unpredictable- ness really difficult.
and so the reverse is true too.

I don’t think they should be saying it in front of the children, but I do find being out of routine quite hard.

I am part time but a teacher so have the ‘pleasure’ of school holidays with my reception aged son (I also have a younger girl.) Christmas was hard. DD went through a spate of getting up very early so I had a long day with them both, it was dark and cold, we did a lot but still had too much screen time, felt guilty, it was pretty exhausting and not particularly enjoyable.

This holiday has been a lot better - whether it’s the longer daylight hours or DD being that bit older I couldn’t tell you. But it’s still been tiring.

One big thing is that my children are much nicer apart. They are sweet and loving and mostly compliant. Together that’s not always the case (though is slowly improving) so having them both is intense and can be difficult to manage.

I really enjoy the school holidays and I dread them going back. But everyones situation is completely different, it doesn’t mean those parents like or love their children less than anyone else.

To your question "why have children if you don't enjoy spending time with them", nobody knows what they do and don't enjoy till the kids are here. My cousin had a baby last year and both him and his wife essentially realised that they don't enjoy parenthood as much as they thought. They love their son but she is quite desperate to come back from maternity leave. And something tells me their experience is not unique.
I'd question why people then go on to have multiple children.. I guess it's the good old "my child NEEDS a sibling".

Yes, it is obvious that your sanctimony and judgemental attitude comes from a place of jealousy. Do you normally struggle with empathy and looking at things from other peoples point of view?

Yeah tbf I found the toddler years a lot harder, esp as I had my youngest almost full time with only one nursery day. I think I would have appreciated school hours a lot more at that age. It’s a lot easier now they’re a little more independent, I feel I can actually enjoy my time with them rather than feeling like I’m constantly looking after them

@modgepodge you’re describing to a point what life was like for me all of last year 😩

It’s a lot easier when they no longer need the nap, although I still am a bit anal about trying to time things so DD doesn’t fall asleep in the car.

Lol I must be thick then. Well if it makes my life easier I’ll take it!

So are you suggesting that only thick people can enjoy school holidays with their kids?

I agree OP, I wish we had longer summer breaks here like in the US and a lot of Europe.

Perhaps OP has compliant kids who sit quietly with colouring in and enjoy woodland walks without shouting about how boring they are and never fight with each other. I’ve a 5 and a 2 year old. The 5 year old is on the diagnostic pathway for AuDHD and nearly every moment spent with him is stressful. Not so for the toddler. I love them and I have enjoyed spending time with them this Easter but likewise I am glad it’s coming to a close. Sue me.

I am so glad that i had my children back in the days when during school holidays they just went outside to play and made their own plans. It was much cheaper than the high expectations of today and both children and adults were both happier, healthier and more relaxed.

I absolutely loved school holidays and was sad when my children went back to school.

Not as such, more that I can empathise that parents with a super high IQ would find an hour long conversation about who is going to be Elsa and who is going to be Anna more difficult than others.

I often feel I'm an anomaly in that I find term times way more of a juggle/struggle than the holidays. I love days where we're not having to be up and out of the house by a certain time. Where we can be spontaneous or just relax. I work term time only though which makes a huge difference.

Obviously every family is different and some children are trickier than others, but I also think that many people bond through having a bit of a moan. There seems to be a series of social scripts where everyone sort of knows the lines and it helps them feel part of the group. Lamenting the length of the holidays and what to do with the kids all day is a prime example.

I'm not great at reading social cues all the time and at the start of my children's school lives I'd be the one saying 'oh no I'm really looking forward to the holidays!'. It honestly killed the conversation most of the time. Noone seemed to know what to say next. So now I just stay quiet and let them have a whinge. You never know the true ins and outs of someone else's situation, and wouldn't to want to inadvertently make anyone to feel bad /awkward just by saying I feel the opposite way to them.

I think YABU because it’s unreasonable to judge - I can see both sides of your point though. I agree it can/could make children feel horrible. When my children were younger I did find the holidays really hard, everything felt like chaos and when trying to juggle a very stressful job too - just not enough emotional bandwidth there to actually enjoy being together like you describe. Do you think this is how parents want to feel? I think many people are just surviving in their lives, and it is YOU who should ‘check your privilege’ that for whatever reason, you have the mental, emotional, practical capacity, whatever gives you the ability to have this perspective.

Personally my life is way less stressful now and I enjoy my kids more. Plus they are older and not making demands of me very few seconds! Most people don’t realise how hard having kids is, and it’s ok for them to feel overwhelmed. It’s a shame that they are, but it’s understandable. I’m happy for you that you enjoy your kids and don’t struggle too much. That’s great.

One of mine is SEN. I suspect you would be glad to get them back to school if they were the same as my son. Really hard work.

Mind you I knew a mum who was pretty wealthy who loves every second of being with her children. Sometimes you felt you couldn't really moan about finding it hard. Let's just say we drifted apart.

Im with you OP. I loved every minute of them from 5 to teenagers. Hated it when the holidays ended and you were back to the school routine.

Well part of it is just a good old moan. And it's less of a taboo than it was.

But i do think it's become more of a fashion - to not appreciate the wonder of kids in general. Uk society is quite anti kid.

I love the hols and having a bit of company while working from home as it can get a bit too quiet. I think it depends on your situation - how easy it is to manage

I can't understand people putting small babies in nursery and go back to work not earning anything because nursery costs will eat it up. Anything just not to take care of their own children. Having children is not an obligation. I enjoyed spending time with mine- now when they are teens they obv prefer spending time with their friends but I'm grateful for the years we had together.

It’s the change in routine that I don’t like, everything seems to go pair shaped. These shorter holidays aren’t so bad but the 6 week summer holidays are hell for us, my youngest is autistic and trying to get him out of the house is an absolute nightmare plus I’m doing this completely solo. So if I have to go out for whatever reason he has to come with, I’ve no one that could watch him for an hour while I run errands, the battle to get him out leaves me knackered before we’ve even left the house. That along with the fact his sleep completely goes out of the window, meaning I’m running on 2 hours sleep a night if I’m lucky, does leave me dreading the school holidays. We don’t all live in a perfect world.

My four years suspected autistic has flooded my kitchen twice at least. The spinning chair we have got him seems to be channeling some of the climbing energy thankfully.

You don't understand it so no point explaining it to you then.

My kids are definitely not super compliant kids can sit quietly endlessly colouring! They’re normal 5 & 7 yr olds. They fight, complain they’re bored and hungry a LOT, but that’s parenting, maybe for some people the lows outweigh the highs, but for me they don’t. Course it’s tough sometimes but I think it’s how much you let it affect you and how much pressure you put on yourself. I don’t try and be a perfect parent who makes sure they eat every last piece of broccoli on their plate or get to bed at 7pm sharp every night. I tend to go with the flow, do my best and do what works in that moment. I think part of the reason some parents (the ones I know anyway) find it harder is they’re always trying to be perfect, trying to stick religiously to a specific parenting style, always feeling guilty or anxious that their kid isn’t getting enough quality play or food or learning or experiences. Some of them just need to chill and stop worrying (again I’m talking about the specific parents I know before anyone jumps on me for assuming every parent is like this) and just do their best. As long as you give them plenty of love and meet their basic needs they’ll be fine!

I was a SAHM and we had plenty of money but holidays were hard because it was relentless. DH worked long hours and so once the kids were asleep I had a couple of hours with him and then fell asleep. Not a minute to myself. That’s why I hated the holidays.

We can’t all be perfect.