AIBU not to understand parents dreading school holidays with their children?

[Fancycrab]

A lot of my mum friends are constantly saying things like “counting down the days till their back in school”, and before the holidays, “I’m dreading this two weeks”, “what am I going to do with them?!”, “why are the holidays so bloody long” etc etc. Firstly, I just want to say this has nothing to do with work or money, I understand that school holidays can be difficult for working parents (myself included) but many of the parents I’ve heard saying this are SAHMs with plenty of money. Some of them have even said stuff in front of their kids or to them, like “god what am I gonna do with you for two weeks”. I feel sorry for their kids, it’s like they don’t like spending time with them or even like them. Makes me think why’d you bother having kids if you don’t like spending time with them?? School holidays are difficult for me cos I have to shuffle my working hours about and pay for a few holiday clubs, but I love spending time with them. I’m a single parent too and I don’t have a lot of money and yeah it’s a lot sometimes, but I love going on walks with them, taking them to the park or making something at home. I genuinely enjoy their company and realise these years while their young and actually enjoy spending time with me are going to be gone in a nano second and I’ll never get them back, so I make sure I appreciate these years and make the most of them. AIBU to not understand the mindset of dreading having your kids at home for the holidays (barring financial or work reasons)?

Yeah I just wanted to acknowledge sometimes that not all Sen parents find it harder having their kids at home for some it’s the easier option. But then I’ve been dealing with EBSA for 8 years. My kids also struggle with the constant demands from school. The early mornings when they’ve struggled to sleep all night. The masking all day then blowing up when they get home. If I had the money and support they’d never go back.

Have you thought of homeschooling? Or is it too tough with work?

I completely understand, its tough for them and then tough for us x

Usually I love it. And actually, I have been really enjoying it again. But I was absolutely dreading it. DS has been having some behavioural issues at home and school, its been a battle and I was dreading being alone all day every day. But actually his behaviour has been so much better and were having a nice time mostly.

I think its a bit crass to judge parents for struggling, its harder than any of us expected and making people feel like shit parents because they're not enjoying every second isnt helpful.

I struggled more in the holidays when my eldest was still at school as she was difficult to manage out of her regular routine and I couldn't get out much with the kids in case it was too much. She did a few holiday clubs for disabled children and we also had support from grandparents once they had retired to take the stress away.

Now with only having the one at home in the school holidays it has been easier as we can get out more and she still wants to be with me. She is in Year 7 so at a funny age where holiday clubs are concerned but likes to go shopping and see her friends and cousins as and when, and we can have people over when the older one is out.

I think some people just find it easier. They don't try to change their personality to become a particular type of parent, they aren't particularly anxious, they choose activities that suit them as much as the children and they are good at managing their children's behaviour.

No I have 4 so wouldn’t meet all their separate needs at home, what I like about the holidays is being able to do what we want when we want with no pressure.

DM used to say that to me. She was a SAHM and I was made to feel like I was getting in the way of her shopping trips/cleaning and generally disrupting the freedom
she had while we were at school. Sad really.

home educating parents never say this.

I find all the local kids groups being cancelled during school holidays annoying (I understand why, but still... annoying for me personally) but other than that, don't really understand the hate for school holidays 🤔

If that is the reason you are home educating because you can't bear leaving them then I don't think that is a good reason to home educate.

I am not home educating. Just stating a fact

Yes this is me entirely. DS is 4 and can still have his unreasonable moments and DD is one and into everything so I can't catch a moments break. We've done some really nice things and got out and about lots. So I've both enjoyed the holidays and I'm glad they are over. I really enjoyed the chances I got to take DS out on his own.

I loved the holidays. No early morning scramble - pjs until lunch. Pottering and playing. Life is easy.

I think a lot of mums these days still think they have to entertain children 24/7 and never let them experience a single minute of boredom. And yet boredom is developmentally really important for them to experience. It helps with resilience, creativity, patience, imagination etc.

I dread school holidays. I have three kids, two asd sons. From the moment my 8 year old wakes til he goes to sleep he is hyperactive, demanding and just non stop. He doesnt mean to but he is constantly moving, jumping, bumping, breaking things. The kids are noisy and clash. One loves to mimic police sirens. During school holidays I feel like is am a life guard at a pool for erratic cats, there is never a moments peace. Today one of them decided to tap plates together to see what would happen, what happens is they break and china goes everywhere. One decided to sit on top of the fridge with a laundry basket of shoes and throw them at his brother. One threw every ball we had on the roof, then got upset all the balls where on the roof. They refuse to go outside, then decide they both need to go outside at the exact same time on the trampoline and jump on each other.
I do take them out for activities and fun but due to their asd sensory issues and inflexible thinking every place they have an issue with. Its just bloody exhausting. School provides routine, consistency and structure and keeps them occupied for a few hours then we have our evening together.

Meh – I don't think it's something worth getting bent out of shape about. It's usually just a casual, throwaway comment. Not every parents has to enjoy every stage of parenting. My twins, when they were 6-7. were generally in a really positive, content and agreeable place, but 8-9 has been hyper-squabbling, discontent and low-tolerance for boredom – so no, I don't really think that's fun. And that's allowed. Who knows, maybe 10-11 will be a bit better. Maybe it'll be worse, who knows.

Children can react adversely to school holidays, they are out of structure and routine, bedtime go a bit awry, they can miss their friends, spend too much time with siblings they have to contend with, etc etc.

Life ebbs and flows. No biggie.

I like spending time with my kids playing board games or taking them out to museums or the park or reading with them. I hate imaginative play however and right now at 5 this is a lot of what my son wants to do. I try my best but it’s soooo boring. So yeah I can’t wait til he goes back to school tomorrow 😅 He’s also ND (like me) and really craves the routine.

I don’t judge parents for hating the school holidays, but I do think it’s shit to moan about it in front of the kids.

Yanbu. I don't get it. Mine are 16 and 11 and I love spending time with them. I never understood the holiday dead. I now home educate my youngest and I enjoy being with him every day, he's good company! So is my teen, and we spend quite a bit of time together. I really don't understand people who don't like their own children.

100% agree @Malinia ^

I find the same. It's like it's become fashionable to dislike your children.

It's like when parents say they've banned Bluey because now their children have "unrealistic expectations" around how much Mum and Dad are going to play with them.

And yes, you should play with your children. It doesn't need to be imaginary games. It can be craft or cooking or reading together or board games. Watch the Bluey episode "Octopus" if you need it explaing.

Even in this day and age when there's more than enough information and education around I think too many people want a baby to cuddle and dress up and then are shocked when said baby grows up and they actually have to parent it.

Well, to be fair, no one knows who much they will enjoy spending school holidays with the 7yo they haven’t got yet, when they decide to have kids.

I used to love them and nearly all my friends were the same and I was a single mum to 4DC before I met my DH and we now have 5DC,ours are all grown up now,our youngest DD is 18 and we now have a DGS from our older DD so now we get too spend time with him during the school holidays and we love it.

I think often people say things for a bit of effect and I agree with others who have said it’a fashionable to dislike your kids. Or rather, it’s not fashionable to rave about them. Cracking a joke on a Teams call about how tough it is in the school holidays and how you’ve been drinking vodka for breakfast to survive seems to be more the ‘done thing’ than singing your kids praises these days.

I wonder sometimes (in work settings) if it’s women pushing back against the idea that they are primarily maternal (ie not career orientated).

Also, I would say that school holidays are pretty intense for domestic people. We have a 4 and a 2yo and we were away (in the uk) for 10 days and whilst we had a lot of fun, it was exhausting. I am looking forward to the eldest being back at school and the youngest being back at nursery, not because I wish we’d not had the holiday, but because we need to recover domestically. Jobs needs doing, boring stuff needs to happen and it’s all been put on hold for the last 2 weeks. I don’t hate my kids but I am looking forward to getting back to the normal routine for a bit.

Single mum, full time worker, limited spare cash, always love the holidays when I can spend more time with my children ❤️

Well clearly, because if they felt like this they wouldn’t opt to have their kids at home 365 days a year would they!!