AIBU not to understand parents dreading school holidays with their children?

[Fancycrab]

A lot of my mum friends are constantly saying things like “counting down the days till their back in school”, and before the holidays, “I’m dreading this two weeks”, “what am I going to do with them?!”, “why are the holidays so bloody long” etc etc. Firstly, I just want to say this has nothing to do with work or money, I understand that school holidays can be difficult for working parents (myself included) but many of the parents I’ve heard saying this are SAHMs with plenty of money. Some of them have even said stuff in front of their kids or to them, like “god what am I gonna do with you for two weeks”. I feel sorry for their kids, it’s like they don’t like spending time with them or even like them. Makes me think why’d you bother having kids if you don’t like spending time with them?? School holidays are difficult for me cos I have to shuffle my working hours about and pay for a few holiday clubs, but I love spending time with them. I’m a single parent too and I don’t have a lot of money and yeah it’s a lot sometimes, but I love going on walks with them, taking them to the park or making something at home. I genuinely enjoy their company and realise these years while their young and actually enjoy spending time with me are going to be gone in a nano second and I’ll never get them back, so I make sure I appreciate these years and make the most of them. AIBU to not understand the mindset of dreading having your kids at home for the holidays (barring financial or work reasons)?

@Fancycrab this with bells on !! 👆 Like a literal walk in the park at your kids ages omg, so
happy with anything -swimming pool , parks, playgrounds, even beach walks , I’ve-cream etc etc .
It all just goes and no I can’t leave an 11 for hours at home as all the pre-teen and teens I know (even bookish ones) will simply be on screens all the time (my 11 year old doesn’t even have a phone yet but Xbox) at home . I was actually upset the last day at photos of when my three kids were younger , just beaming faces on scooters etc . It’s now a battle to get them out and nothing prepared for how hard that is.

Well youve already caveated that sen parents have it harder, which is what I came here to say x

I think yabu though - people often say that in a bantering jokey way. They dont literally hate their children 😄

Two weeks with kids is hard work, without factoring in hosting over easter, easter eggs causing hyperactivity, everything being super expensive, no break for the sahm whilst their partner works, non stop requests for food and screen time

Its tiring! 😄

Let people have a moan!

Also - as a sen mum, it is tough going as the lack of routine is a killer for the kids. My dd is pretty much nocturnal now 🙃

a bit tone deaf maybe this post? You’re not on that persons shoes so maybe don’t judge.

They may not be able to afford food, days out, have to juggle work with no support network and can’t afford holiday clubs. They may feel guilty they aren’t on holiday like other families.

Unsure how you can sit on your high horse and realise everyone else has unique situations in their own lives?

Oh please , your kids are 5 and 7! Super easy to entertain and manage. Toddlers and younger children it’s so much harder. You sound very smug.

Not always.. my kids all have Sen but holidays are far more easier for us, lots of Sen kids hate school and find it a struggle. My kids are far more happy and relaxed in the holidays theres no tears and tantrums, no school refusal, not threats of fines, no emails, constant phone calls, detentions, meetings.

This is a grotesque and insulting oversimplification.

I adore spending time with my daughter but I get five weeks leave a year. I simply can't spend every holiday day with her.

Others have answered this already but holidays can be really challenging for many parents. If you're a single parent, you don't have a lot of money and you don't have family childcare it's stressful and expensive finding childcare.

My DCs would squabble endlessly when they were younger, and had very very different personalities. They enjoyed completely different activities, and neither of them wanted to play on their own. It was exhausting.

Yes, I have never got this either. I absolutely LOVED the school holidays, and refused to go back to work full time, after going from full time to part time when I had my 2 DC - less than 2 years apart in age. I went from 5 days a week to 2 days one week/3 the next until they were 4-5, (then went to 3 days one week/4 the next.) DH - and my workplace - wanted me to go back full time when they started school, but I dug my heels in and refused.

I even kept them off a few times (rang in sick for them, and myself) when it was a particularly glorious day (weather-wise) and took them to the beach. #sorrynotsorry. We did so much together in the holidays too. Theme parks, zoos, long walks, trips to the park, picnics, trips to nature parks and areas of nature beauty, the cinema, the theatre, the bowling alley, and the beach etc... DH would come too, maybe 1 in 3 times.

I have honestly always been baffled by the 'can't wait for the kids to get back to school' type of parents. It's like they don't like their own children. I also know some mums who work as many hours as they can when the kids are off school. One woman I know stays home during school hours, then goes to work (hourly paid/unskilled job,) when her 2 DC (aged 5 and 7) finish school, and works til 9pm. Sometimes her partner looks after them - depending on his shift, and sometimes the teenage son looks after them. She works almost all the hours her 2 younger DC are off. It's like she HATES spending time with them. When she's at home with them, she just shoves them out onto the front garden to play while she stays in the house, or she shouts and screams at them.

I don't care if it sounds smug or high and mighty, I loved spending time with my children, and LOVED the school holidays, and I'm not going to apologise for it, because others count down the days until they go back to school.

I really miss those days actually......

I loved spending time with DS but I was a single mum working full time and was only allowed one week off during the summer holidays due to demand so as there was no school I had to pay hundreds of pounds in childcare and holiday club fees which nearly ruined me. Id spend the whole year paying it off. We didnt have any relatives in this country.
One year he went to stay with my mother in the US paid for by her and it was such a financial relief.

DH - and my workplace - wanted me to go back full time when they started school, but I dug my heels in and refused.

Your poor DH!

Definitely, we have a thread on chat for support for sen parents, and its different for everyone - but if someone is complaining that its hard for them as sen parents, its unreasonable to judge them

Imagine being so unable to be apart from your children that you take them out of school when they are meant to be at school.

Not all children cope well with school holidays... Whilst my 7yo has been mostly fine for most of the break, when they're not, they're really not. They repeatedly screamed "I'm going to fucking kill you" at DH last night. I ended up signed off from work for three weeks after the February half term due to the abuse, so I was (understandably, I think) a bit apprehensive about Easter.

Do they do less total weeks of school? Or the holidays are divided up differently?

I would have a different preference, a shorter summer holiday- maybe 4 weeks rather than 7. And add those 3 weeks onto the half terms so they are 2 weeks each, or 2 half terms per term. I find mine are wrecked by time they get to each school holiday, between school, homework and lots of extracurriculars. Which they love, but it's tiring for both them and us. I love school holidays, less rushing around to get to school, clubs etc. DH and I both work full or nearly full time, but I do more hours termtime to do less during school holidays, so we only have 3 days to cover rather than 5, which helps.

But we live in a village where lots of their friends are close by, every visit to park they find a friend. Plus we can afford some day trips - we got merlin passes this year and did 2 theme parks and a day out in London (eye, sealife centre etc) just during the Easter holidays, in 1 month they have covered their annual cost! But they were a £400 outlay which not everyone has available in one go.

@Thisisit26 I have struggled with this during this holiday. The 12 yr old doesn’t want to do much particularly if it’s free & the 10 yr old prefers to chill & read.

Love it and hate it, my 6yo is great fun, he's a daredevil and always on the go so planning days out with him is quite easy and enjoyable, he'll enjoy most things from a mountain walk or finding a waterfall, to a theme park or farm and everything in between. But he is exhausting and working around him (self employed) is difficult

My eldest isn't interested in leaving the house unless the activity is his idea of fun, he's absolutely not a daredevil so no climbing centres/high ropes sort of thing, he will do theme parks but they're probably the most expensive option, he'll do an escape room but the youngest is a bit too young still. A beach day is acceptable, mountain walks induce much moaning! He's easy to please in that he'll happily stay home but that equals lots of screen time

So we have 2 opposite ends of the spectrum to please on a tight budget while trying not to let work get overwhelmingly behind. We can't not do anything because the youngest will go stir crazy, we can't do too much or the eldest feels hard done by. He's 13 so still a bit young to leave home alone all day long.

They also eat a ridiculous amount! My shopping bill goes up a lot in the holidays and it's noticeable as my youngest gets FSM (everyone does in primary in wales)

I’m a SAHM to a young baby and an almost 3 year old with additional needs. My son can be very difficult to care for as he is non verbal and has limited understanding, so doesn’t listen to instructions most of the time. He’s also hyperactive and has a tendency to try and run off every chance he gets. He’s not in school yet but during term time goes to play group for a couple of hours a day, which really helps to give me a break and let me focus on just the baby for a bit. I sometimes do dread school holidays a bit because I have no family support so I have my son all the time and have to keep him entertained all day with activities that will fit around the baby. I love him more than anything in the world but my life is just more difficult in the school holidays.

Exactly this. I’m fairly certain it’s just an opportunity to brag about what good parents OPs and others on this thread are.

Well you don’t know the personality of your children until they arrive, so you’ve got no idea whether they would be a person you would enjoy spending time with.

If that might be a deal-breaker for someone, isn't it best for them not to have kids at all?

I absolutely adore my 2 girls. They are 11 and 9. I spend most of my time planning and considering how to give them a great lifestyle and their happiness is my number 1 concern. They are both autistic, 11yo with significant needs and learning disabilities. She is full time care. The 9yo is verbal and has autism and adhd. There is practically almost zero options we can do as a family except garden based play or a dog walk (11yo in a giant SEN buggy). There are plenty of SEN options in my area for activities and 2 special needs adventure parks with adaptive spaces indoor and outdoor and yet none of these options suit them both. Therefore, I barely see my wife all holidays because we have one each. This also creates all kinds of other issues with one missing me or not being able to switch children due to 11yo's rigid thinking halfway through a break.
I always count the days until school because weekdays are smooth, adults get a break or can get out the house and enjoy something normally but mainly, its because my children are much happier in their appropriate schools and regular routines. The afternoon is easier when they are regulated and happy.
I would give my right arm for a day as a family doing a normal park trip and a picnic and would probably not wish away the holidays like I do now. However, we all want happy kids and sadly this doesnt always fit the frame you might imagine!

Yip. I am at this stage at the moment. Everything revolves around the two year old and their nap. Parents that just have older children are free to go out at any point of the day, but doing everything in two hour bursts is mentally exhausting when you also have older children to consider. My two other dd's that are 5 and 8 just have to accept it, but I feel bad turning down days out with other parents that cut right into nap time. The aftermath would be catastrophic if we just went along. I take solice that this time next year will be completely different but for the moment it is deeply frustrating.

I’m ASD and break in routine is really hard. Three ASD kids, likewise. Factor in 3 kids with different energy needs: one Duracell bunny, one regular energy and one constantly exhausted child, sibling friction … and that’s before we need to start thinking about juggling work and leave. Much easier now the kids are older but school holidays used to have me on my knees. Have a little imagination that others might have different and more difficult family lives. I adore my kids but school holidays not so much.

I am going to look into these!

I used to love school holidays - mainly because it was nice to see a hot more of my DCs and because we weren’t clock watching. . But I was lucky in that I mainly only worked term time so didn’t need childcare.