AIBU not to understand parents dreading school holidays with their children?

[Fancycrab]

A lot of my mum friends are constantly saying things like “counting down the days till their back in school”, and before the holidays, “I’m dreading this two weeks”, “what am I going to do with them?!”, “why are the holidays so bloody long” etc etc. Firstly, I just want to say this has nothing to do with work or money, I understand that school holidays can be difficult for working parents (myself included) but many of the parents I’ve heard saying this are SAHMs with plenty of money. Some of them have even said stuff in front of their kids or to them, like “god what am I gonna do with you for two weeks”. I feel sorry for their kids, it’s like they don’t like spending time with them or even like them. Makes me think why’d you bother having kids if you don’t like spending time with them?? School holidays are difficult for me cos I have to shuffle my working hours about and pay for a few holiday clubs, but I love spending time with them. I’m a single parent too and I don’t have a lot of money and yeah it’s a lot sometimes, but I love going on walks with them, taking them to the park or making something at home. I genuinely enjoy their company and realise these years while their young and actually enjoy spending time with me are going to be gone in a nano second and I’ll never get them back, so I make sure I appreciate these years and make the most of them. AIBU to not understand the mindset of dreading having your kids at home for the holidays (barring financial or work reasons)?

im finding school holidays with non sporty teens trickier.. their screen time sky rockets ..

Yeah I can see how it may be more difficult with older children who are more independent and less reliant on you, however I’m mainly talking about younger kids. Mine are 5 & 7 and still enjoy simple things like making play houses out of cardboard boxes and stuff!

I really liked the holidays, we used to have them in a holiday club for 2 weeks have 2 whole weeks as a family together and then DH and I would have a seperate week off each. I like you enjoyed doing crafts with the children. It was with major sadness I gave the cupboard of supplies to my primary school teacher friend when they were older. Who remarked who on earth has sparkly pipe cleaners at home, well I did.

Many people have absolutely no family support due to bereavement etc, and limited friendships, holidays with children in these situations can be pretty lonely feeling as you’re absent adult conversation.
Also, many parents have not actually instilled obedience and respect in to their children so the holidays are a free for all which must be exhausting.

They’re not dreading them, it’s just something people say. I’m sure they love their children. It’s like when people complain about too much sunny weather. I’m sure they love spending time with them too. It’s just coping with a change of routine. I’d stop taking why they say so seriously as you’re coming across a bit judgemental.

I completely agree, I often wish the holidays were more in line with those of the rest of Europe, especially in the summer. I feel they benefit so much from the extended down time too. I do understand it is hard if you are trying to juggle everything though.

Not everyone finds parenting easy.

Not all children are the same.

Holidays come with juggling annual leave and finances so can be stressful.

And sometimes people say it and don’t mean it.

But I do agree, I always enjoyed time off with my children and find it sad that not everyone does. It’s not a reason to feel superior though.

I'm a working single parent too and I suppose us using holiday clubs etc is the difference. If you are a sahm mum and used to having day times to get your stuff done/gym etc then having two primary kids under your feet for 2 weeks will be more difficult. Shifting work/taking AL/using holiday clubs/family help gives everyone a break from each other that sahm parents don't get in the holidays. My ex splits the holidays with me so I get an even better break than I usually would do during term time tbh!

Couldn't agree more. Why have children if you don't want to spend time with them.

I absolutely love the holidays with my children and actually feel sad when they go back to school but I also fine screen time increases. My oldest is at the age where he isn’t into toys anymore but not old enough to go out without an adult so is really limited to what else he can do in a day we’re at home (he does do football 5 days a week so he’s still getting out too

People are different.

this cannot really be news to you?

I always wished they were longer in the summer as with most other countries, they got 10 weeks off in the USA. Juggling with work is more difficult but we managed

I’ve said YABU. I love holidays with my kids and don’t join in when others moan about it but I respect that it’s hard and everyone has their own juggling act. YABU to judge it.

I love having them home but my grip on sanity starts to slip when I’m never alone for a minute. I can’t finish a thought in my head. I’ll be sad when they go back to school, but the mental relief is real.

I would think it’s strange that you don’t understand that some kids are far more difficult than others. Some aren’t compliant at all, some talk nonstop drivel, some fight with their siblings etc

I don't think moaning about how difficult it is to manage the school holidays means you don't like your kids. I very much like my DC but I'd be lying if I didn't find trying to manage 13 weeks of school holidays with no family support, limited annual leave, limited holiday club hours and the great British weather hard.

I’m a teacher and when I had one kid I loved the holidays with her. Now with 2 (second is 2) I find it bloody hard work. Finding something they both want to do, ideally which doesn’t cost loads, especially when the weather is awful, is hard work for 16 days in a row, most of them on my own. Endless requests for snacks and making packed lunches to save money when we do go out anywhere drives me up the wall too. I either have to time things around being home for 2 hours for a nap in the afternoon (which massively restricts where we can go) or deal with a tired grumpy toddler or a late nap in the car which then disrupts bedtime.

I do love my kids and I think in a couple of years I’ll be back to loving it but I find toddlers extremely hard work and am a much better parent on a part time basis 😂

Not quite as blunt as I’d put it but essentially this. Can you really not imagine other people might find parenting tough at times, particularly in the school holidays when money evaporates like an ice cube in the sun, your routine is shot to pieces and you feel the pressure to enjoy every moment as it goes so fast?! 🙄

I think it depends so much on the individual family's situation. I was a single parent with little support and kids who tended to do a lot of bickering and squabbling. We did a mix of simple stuff (crafts, walks, park), holiday clubs, days out and actually being away on holiday but it was a bit of a slog to be honest. One DC was ND and so the change of routine made life difficult for the whole family.

I have thought this before too. I wonder if being a single parent (with very demanding full time job) is part of it - for me the work / school / club / hobby juggle feels so intense and I find it much easier when we don't have all of this (ie either I am off with DC or she is with family / at an all day hol club whilst I work ). I think if you are a dual parent who is used to having a few days to themselves (ie PT work) and a lot of support from a partner, full days with your DC feel harder.
Obvs every situation is different though and for sure having 1 child is very different to 2!

I find it quite sad when parents are like that. I always looked forward to our children being off school. Some people aren’t great parents though and some children are more difficult than others.

Yes, I am judging them, I’m openly admitting that. I just don’t get why someone would have kids - in these cases, well-off people in a two-parent household where one of them doesn’t even work, if they don’t enjoy spending time with their kids. As far as I know, most of these kids are not difficult kids, they don’t have special needs etc. and this particular holiday is only two weeks. If I had the spare money that many of them do I’d be excited to take them to do fun stuff like theme parks, holidays abroad etc, but these mums just seem to dread time with them. Maybe I’m a bit jealous cos I’d love to have the money and freedom to take my kids abroad for the holidays but I can’t afford it. I just think people need to check their privilege sometimes

Personally, at the moment due to personal circumstances I find it highly stressful to be out of routine with children that need additional planning and expense that I don’t have headspace for.

it’s been like this for about 5 years. I can see a time where it’s less stressful as personal circumstances are simpler, but there will be many, many parents like me. Don’t judge OP, just accept what people tell you about how they view that time.

AIBU to not understand the mindset of dreading having your kids at home for the holidays (barring financial or work reasons)?

Yes. YABU.

Other people may feel differently to you. About this and lots of other things. Even if you don't fully understand the mindset, can you appreciate that their mindset is different to yours and that everyone is entitled to feel how they feel?