AIBU not to understand parents dreading school holidays with their children?

[Fancycrab]

A lot of my mum friends are constantly saying things like “counting down the days till their back in school”, and before the holidays, “I’m dreading this two weeks”, “what am I going to do with them?!”, “why are the holidays so bloody long” etc etc. Firstly, I just want to say this has nothing to do with work or money, I understand that school holidays can be difficult for working parents (myself included) but many of the parents I’ve heard saying this are SAHMs with plenty of money. Some of them have even said stuff in front of their kids or to them, like “god what am I gonna do with you for two weeks”. I feel sorry for their kids, it’s like they don’t like spending time with them or even like them. Makes me think why’d you bother having kids if you don’t like spending time with them?? School holidays are difficult for me cos I have to shuffle my working hours about and pay for a few holiday clubs, but I love spending time with them. I’m a single parent too and I don’t have a lot of money and yeah it’s a lot sometimes, but I love going on walks with them, taking them to the park or making something at home. I genuinely enjoy their company and realise these years while their young and actually enjoy spending time with me are going to be gone in a nano second and I’ll never get them back, so I make sure I appreciate these years and make the most of them. AIBU to not understand the mindset of dreading having your kids at home for the holidays (barring financial or work reasons)?

As well meaning as you are a child who is ND is twice as hard as a child who isn't.

Yeah, but would you call your boss a wanker to his face?

It's horrible to. Say these things in front of your children, even if you do find it difficult!

Who does that?

I disagree. I think any adult (apart from someone with learning difficulties and a very young mental age maybe) would find this conversation boring AF. I don’t think it’s got anything to do with how high your IQ is, it possibly has something to do with how creatively-minded you are though. Less creative adults would be more likely to be bored, whereas more creative thinkers may be able to adapt the game/conversation into something more interesting & engaging for both kids and adults

Yes I agree with you, I really love the holidays and actually feel really depressed when they have to go back. I’m a lone parent to 4 who don’t see their father so have no help in the holidays but I still find it way more enjoyable and relaxing than term time. I tried to say this on another forum and got loads of people telling me they can’t wait, they are counting down the days till theirs go back etc I would rather have my kids at home

I don’t think there is any research out there that conveys what you say. That’s before we even get into how problematic IQ and measuring intelligence in general is

You sound a bit judgy. Your kids are an age where it's easy to entertain and find activities that are free or low cost. I think you are in a peak time for doing nice things with them where they don't moan! Mine are older end of primary. They moan if you go for a walk for example, whereas when younger they would have just accepted it. I think you are perhaps unprepared for some of the pre teen attitude that you might get.

I can’t understand people who don’t have any income.

I don't understand why some poeple have a kid then can't wait to get them into school to then want more kids? It seems to be a bit attention seeking to be pregnant then once they are past the cute baby stage and other people aren't cooing anymore, they seem less interested.
I said SOME people, not everyone before some jumps on me. Not that I'm bothered if they do. It is an observation within h's family and among friends in the past when they had young kids.
I had a large family and single parent it's not easy, but I wasn't always looking forward to them going back to school even after the summer, although bythen they needed school routine again.

Yes and I have a lot of sympathy for parents of children who are ND or have special needs. I totally understand why holidays might be more difficult for them. My friend has a daughter whose autistic and the holidays are a nightmare for her, I’ve seen it first-hand and I really admire her for how much patience she has, especially as she’s a single parent. The parents I’m talking about don’t have kids with special needs or ND though, and don’t even need to think about arranging childcare over the holidays.

I’m a well off SAHM - I don’t dread the holidays now they are older, but when they were say 5 and 3, I hated the school breaks. I didn’t need to spend more time with my kids - I was a SAHM with no outside help except DH, I already spent pretty much all their waking hours with them outside of school (including their entire babyhood/toddlerhood) and I’d already done all the park picnics, magical making memories, making forts out of cardboard boxes etc. I imagine it’s different if you have childcare and work. Holidays just meant our normal routine got cancelled, our usual activities weren’t available, I got no time to myself, everywhere was busy and my tricky child was even more difficult than usual. All the money in the world wouldn’t have made a foreign holiday or a theme park a fun experience with my particular kids.

Suggesting that reflects on my love of my kids or that I shouldn’t have had them is ridiculous. Funnily enough I wasn’t aware of quite what parenting two kids in the holidays would be like when I conceived, nor did I base a decision on committing to twenty plus years of parenting on the relative rubbishness of a few weeks of school holidays with little kids. You really saying you enjoy every single second of your time with your children?

I wouldn’t openly complain in front of my kids though, that’s not kind or fair.

I get it to a point because I think it takes a village to raise a child and school can be part of that village. I overall really enjoy the school holidays with my two but by the end of the 6 weeks we definitely start to get a bit fed up of each other. February half term can also be hard work if the weather is bad.

I always liked the less pressured time of school holidays. In the summer they usually did a week or two of holiday camp, and arty party during shorter breaks was a lot of fun. It’s tricky when raining especially if you have very energetic kids. I think by the end of several weeks I was looking forward to a break but I agree I don’t know why so many complain, especially in front of their kids! But it’s nothing new - even that classic 1951 Christmas song ‘It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas’ has a line about mums and dads waiting for school to start again….

I did say in a pp that I know it’s gonna be harder as they get older, which is why I want to make the most out of the years I have with them now while they’re still so young. Also the parents I’m judging all have kids a similar age to mine

I teach teenagers so it is absolutely relief to get two weeks away from all the teens I teach and to only need to deal with my own two.

And no, some of us have children for whom all the love in the world, plus meeting their basic needs (I assume you mean feeding them) absolutely is not enough to ensure they are “fine”.

I had 6 as a single parent under 10 - no twins. That Madness song 'Our House' could have been inspired my household, we had a lot of fun and laughter, tears and tantrums, but lots of love and we were a solid unit.
There were always playmates and things to do, It was hard work but for the best I loved it. Ususally knackered at the end of the day though😄

I loved the children being home in the holidays, especially the summer holidays. I hated it when we had to go back to the school routine. I never had much money so we didn’t pack in loads of stuff or anything, just lazy days with a paddling pool in the garden, walks and picnics etc. Mine are all grown up now but miss those lovely summers.

Its really sad.

I had seven years as a SAHM over the course of having three children.

When the youngest was three I worked three days a week.

I ramped up to full-time by the time youngest was seven.

By far the hardest- harder than the juggle of full time work- was being a SAHM. The relentlessness of always having to be ‘on’ with childcare alongside all the domestic and logistical tasks of life. I love my kids so much but young children are often whinging/bickering/having a tantrum for one reason of another. None of them slept well and I was permanently exhausted. Even when one or two were at school I still had a baby or toddler at home and all the domestic things to do, plus trying to retrain so I could actually have a career after such a huge break. I used to dream of going to work for a few days for a bit of peace and headspace, and for someone else to be in charge.

I watch my SIL who is a real Disney princess of a mum to her only child, and marvel that as she works full time from home she can have a dally nap while her toddler is at daycare, get all her life admin done in childcare time and then bring Mary Poppins energy 6-7.30pm on weekdays, weekends and holidays as she’s not totally burnt out and overstimulated. She’s similarly amazed anyone could find the holidays anything less than a delight.

It sounds like you aren’t friends with any of these women so don’t know if their kids are difficult or what else they have going on. I remember one working mother absolutely scoffing at me as a SAHM finding it difficult and actually using the word ‘privilege’ and telling me how lucky I was, without the slightest idea of what the facts were. I’ve never forgotten.

I have four and a half years between mine. Not planned but it is actually a nice gap. I don't know about you but the last six or seven months before school I find they are really ready for school and need it so yes that is why I was happy my first starter school. Also with childcare fees more people will have bigger gaps so they don't have to pay two sets of nursery.

I wouldn’t listen to the just you wait posts. My children range from teens to adults and I always enjoyed school holidays with them.

I think parenting weighs some people down a lot more than others.

Of course I don’t enjoy every second of my time with them. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out with rage! But I’m saying that the highs outweigh the lows. I knew parenting would be hard (and I didn’t even account for doing it all by myself) so I was prepared. But it’s not so hard that I’d dread two weeks of them being home

I must be the odd one out then, as I loved the holidays and weekend.

No school runs no faffing small talk to other parents, no letters of the next fate play or bake sale.
No getting up at 6 getting breakfast ready.
No random techer calling me to let me know my child did or done something or unwell.
It was bliss.

Them days are over for me now thank god.