10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

[ILoveFatFaceSocks]

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

It's not the 90s, can you even buy walkers anymore?

Are you getting a bit confused between an hour and forever 🤔

Yes, this sounds like incredibly lazy parenting. You have 1 baby and you leave her in a pen with the tv on for the first 1hr of her day so you can sit. Can't get much lazier tbh- at least you carry her downstairs in guess.

Zero screentime is recommended for under 2s. I've done 3 under 5, contact nappers so I know it's full on but she's not a tiny newborn, you can't just sit.

These are habits your setting her up with. Kids with more screentime are "fine", do you want her to be "fine" or 1, 2, 5, 10, 20% more than fine? Imagine an hour of tv everyday before school, the difference over the years.

Sometimes I change my baby and then close the bedroom door and let her roam around while I lie in bed for an extra 20 mins. I guess as long as she's not interested in the TV (is she?) it's not the worst thing. An hour is probably a bit much though and I sort of get what he means...it seems a bit of a slippery slope. I have to be really strict with myself not to use screens around the baby otherwise in a few weeks I'd find myself endlessly scrolling...

Re kitchen - What's the long term plan? She won't be happy in the playpen/highchair forever. Think you've got to let her roam around and get to know the rules of the house a bit more. I normally open a few drawers for my kid and let her sort through them while I cook. I also normally make stuff that has limited hands on time (e.g. spend ten minutes prepping and then throw everything into a pan/the oven and come back and stir occasionally).

Can you still get those bouncy walkers? Or the bungee bouncers that hang from the door frame? She might find those a bit more comfortable and fun during kitchen time than the high chair?

also there’s nothing wrong with you having your morning coffee and tv time to get yourself going. You are human! Have probably been up a million times in the night and had an early start. As long as baby isn’t watching the tv and you’re still talking to her I can’t see anything wrong with it! She’s still playing independently and you’re doing other things with her throughout the day

It’s not easy. DD1 needed blackout, hairdryer noise (loud), tightly swaddled (up to 6 months). Then we had to sit in room till she went over. At nursery we had to get a blackout snooze shade for her buggy as she would never nap on her own.

It takes a lot of effort with some babies, but worth it when your kids just pop down to sleep (eventually). DD2 was easier in comparison, but still takes some dedicated effort. I just needed that brief hour or two of peace each day

They sell standing bouncers (like the trampoline harnesses you see at funfairs but safe for babies) that hang from the door frame. She’d have a wail of a time bouncing up and down (just a tad ofcourse) while mummy cooked. No TV needed. OP could put some music on too for them both to enjoy.

@ILoveFatFaceSocks not using your imagination on how to improve things, could be seen as lazy I suppose.

I watch the TV!! She is in her playpen playing, genuinely playing and not watching the TV. And I usually do this for 30mins. There's been the odd occasion its been 6omins but mostly 30min tops.

Of course YANBU. It’s 8am you are having a chill and a coffee, DD is fine. Bloody hell!
This is normal? I used to do this all the time.
Ignore some of these replies OP.
You are clearly a good mum and doing loads with your DD in the daytime.
If your husband wants to do something else with DD he can crack on can’t he. Nob.

This

Not using my imagination? Using sensory, filling up tubs to create shakers, putting water on tray so she can splash, singing to her, making up stories, etc. Dont accuse me of something based on your assumption. I havent said anything to imply that.

If you’re reading to them, generally they’re sat on your lap, or next to you, engaging with the book aren’t they? Rather than crawling around?

And the OP said the playpen was huge, no reason to think there’s not room to crawl or walk when they’re in there in the mornings.

I am very surprised with some responses. Yeah you are lazy? Some people i think make shit up on this website. "When DD was one I renovated a coffee, cured cancer and ran a marathon everyday, yet u have a morning coffee. Disgusting".

Walkers are not good for babies at all.

It's obviously fucking fine. We overschedule children now, and this seems to start from birth. You don't need to entertain them every second of the day. It sounds like this baby gets plenty of activity time and attention. Some independent time for them to look around, play, and explore how their body moves, is important. And having 30 mins TV time is fine. Babies let you know if they want attention or they're bored. They're hardly known for sitting there quietly if they're not happy with something.

My toddler is nearly 2 now. As a baby, I'd sometimes video game for 30 mins whilst she was next to me in the play gym, and I'd talk about my game to her. And now she's nearly two, I'll occasionally read whilst she plays independently, or I'll sit near her and play my switch for 30 mins, immediately putting it down if she wants to play and interact ofc. We're out and about or playing together the vast majority of the day. She's cheerful and healthy. This is fine and I don't know why anyone thinks it isn't. It's no different than going to cook tea or clean for 30 odd minutes whilst baby is under a gym. Yes there are recommendations about screen time, but 30 mins of background TV is not the same as handing your toddler an Ipad and leaving them to it. You're allowed to have 30 mins to yourself ffs, and it's okay for children to see this and learn this.

That all sounds great what you’re doing, except I think you now need to use your imagination so that she can move around the home safely and not be restricted in movement whilst you watch TV or when cooking.

Exactly wish people would stop assuming playpen is small. Its nearly the same size as livingroom!

I think walkers and jumpythings hanging from doorways are long gone as they were dangerous and also were not good for proper muscle development. Keep up your coffee OP. I used to give my oldest his bottle in his cot when he was about that age then he'd roll over and go back to sleep so no judgment frome me.

Absolutely agree, then a child who won't entertain themselves for longer than 5 mins. A happy baby playing with toys should not be interrupted. Some MNetters are only happy if mothers are running themselves ragged so they can complain about how hard they have it. It doesn't occur to them that they could just sit with a coffee in the morning and the house wouldn't implode.

A playpen is the literal tool designed to keep a young child safe while an adult is otherwise engaged.

why is it restricting her movement, she doesn’t need space to run a 5k.

She isnt restricted in morning whilst I have my coffee and watch 30mins of tv. If even that, I am constantly looking at her. I think everyone lacks imagination when I say this playpen is massive.

I wouldn’t be happy about any screen time for a child under 2, but it doesn’t sound like that’s what happening when you are in the lounge. The TV is for you and she’s playing with her toys?

You don’t sound rushed off your feet and I think that’s great. A stressful home life is not going to help you or her. But you get what you need done, you interact with her a lot throughout the day and give her time for independent play. It doesn’t sound particularly lazy to me.

To me, the only issue is the screen time while you’re cooking, but a) I see that’s a tricky issue and your options are somewhat limited. And b) that’s nothing to do with your DH’s comment that he thinks you’re lazy.

Would she play alone if you used the baby monitor while you cooked?

Ignore the overly critical, they are only so bitchy because it’s an anonymous forum. Take the breaks when you can, she will let you know if she isn’t happy.

The baby monitor is a good idea!

I am honestly happy for advice like oh I used to do this and not for me etc its the bitchy ones.

I have thought about that, I dont know it feels strange leaving her in another room whilst I do something like cook. But if she isnt happy in highchair and likes playing with her toys then maybe thats best.