10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

[ILoveFatFaceSocks]

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

DH is an arsehole

and so are some of those replying to your thread.

you are doing nothing wrong OP

Sometimes I find parenting a bit competitive. Well, i dont complete. Sometimes it makes me doubt if what I do is okay. For example, before buying playpen, I asked another mum at a playgroup if they had one and what they thought. She was very against, I dont have one at all etc. I asked if baby is always with her for loo, answering door. Yes she said, ive not had a minute to myself, he is always glued to me, every second of the day. Then next week, talking about how DD is getting used to her big cot and is crying lots when left in it. I was speaking about how i am going through everytime she cries to soothe her. What did she day? Yeah, I just let my baby cry it out so I could have some peace for myself and sleep. Right so you did have time for yourself??

OP has a massive playpen apparently, yet chooses to strap her child in a high chair while cooking, and then when she cries she gives her a screen to look at. At 10 months old. I know the world is a different place compared to when my kids were that age, but I find that baffling behaviour.

Personally I think screens are incredibly damaging to kids, they destroy imagination and are creating a generation of teens who can’t concentrate for longer than the duration of a tiktok. The longer a child can learn to manage without a screen, the better.

But lots of people complaining DD is in a playpen at times....

@WerewolfOfLoudon this is such a sad post.

Why is it sad? I am dying to see how youre going to criticise this.

Playpens are designed for the times when you’re cooking, or answering the door, or going to the toilet. Not as a primary residence.

She has a massive playpen, not in the room where she cooks. Would you suggest she a) leaves her child unsupervised in another room or b) straps her into a high chair so she is safe and within sight. What on earth did you do when you were raising yours that was so bafflingly different?

also no one’s mentioned putting tik toks on for a baby. Miss Rachel singing some songs isn’t destroying anyone’s imagination.

Because her husband is a dick and she needed a bit of support from other mums instead of being further bashed for daring to watch a bit of TV while she has a coffee in the morning.

Strapped in and not able to hurt herself in the kitchen is the safest place for her, in the same room as her mum. Ask your health visitor.

When I am not out and everything is sorted in house meaning I dont need to go to other rooms then I go to my livingroom. The playpen is practically the same size. What is the problem??

Strapped into a high chair locked into a screen. Great.
I’m done with this thread.

Primary residence 😂

Oh that’s a shame, we were waiting to hear what you did back in your day that would save this poor bay from a life of neglect 😔

I’m wondering what harm an hour (at most) of contented, supervised, independent play is going to do to your dd?

I can see the issue if she was in their all day or if she hated it and you were sitting ignoring a distresses baby but that’s clearly not the case. She happy, she’s safe and her needs are met - what’s the issue?

Well i cook... thats it. Literally when I cook bloody dinner. For DD. Screen goes off when food is ready and then it doesnt go back on. I dont believe some of these responses were stuck to baby every second. Or maybe their baby napped indepently and then meant stuff could get done. See if DD napped in her cot, I would have dinner prepped. I would maybe have a coffee.

Why? Because it disagrees with your outdated parenting? News flash - no matter what you did you aren't a perfect mum and your children aren't perfect children.

No such creatures exist.

Fat Face socks are great to be fair 😀

I don't think you're lazy at all. The people going "you can't use screens!" are clearly not people who get worked up when they're trying to cook and a little one is wailing because they want mummy. In my house it's either strap him to my back while cooking and worry about burns, or whack on something to keep him out of trouble. He outgrew the playpen at 11 months (started hanging off the edge).

Taking time for yourself first thing sets you up for the day. I need to get back into it, but when my son was a slower eater, I used to pop him in the highchair with breakfast, and do 30 minutes of exercise. He would be watching the youtube instructor and jiggling along to club music.

It’s fine to have a coffee while your baby chills. What is he expecting? You ar teaching her that it’s fine to relax, that she can occupy herself, she will be playing with toys and developing that way. He is being a dick.

when I was on mat leave my DH loved to say I was lazy, looking after a baby was easy etc etc. Balked at the notion I might need a break when he finished work. And then when he became SAHP when I went back to work suddenly childcare and house work were the most challenging/tiring tasks of all time and he could never be expected to both do the washing up and also entertain an 8 month old all day.

my advice is get your DH to swap for a bit and he will soon change his tune!

Indeed! Only socks I wear 😂

I think it's time your DH took a few days off from work so that he can show you how parenting is done. Obviously, with modern technology, you don't have to be in the room with him while he demonstrates his flawless parenting techniques. You could be- for example- in Ibiza.

Posters like that never have any advice. Purely here to make the OP feel like crap no matter what they have done or not done.

I hope i am not coming across as cheeky. I was shocked when DH said that and more so when I do so much during the day. He said this whilst popping in, on a break from his work! He doesnt get it when I say I need a break, for a few mins during the day just like he does when he gets a coffee break, lunch etc.

But monitor is a good idea and I feel silly for not thinking about that! When I think monitor i just think about bedtime 😂

I just typed out a long post and deleted it. But in brief:

If your husband generally patronises and micromanages you like this, in all seriousness think about leaving him. I would prefer a husband who cheated, to one who thought it was his God-given right to judge and control me like this.

Also beware the scare-mongering about "screen time". You are an intelligent woman - use your judgement and the evidence of your own experience. All the outraged screeching about it stems from a mysoginistic belief that if women are permitted to use their own discretion in these matters, they will all just hand the baby an iPhone and not speak to it for the next 18 years.

And we should probably burn them as witches while we are at it! I mean, God forbid we should trust a mother's judgement and ability to weigh up risk and benefit using her own powers of reasoning....