AIBU to hate what's just happened at work?

[AbbotSade1985]

Worked on a project for the best part of 18 months. Led the project, which was quite technical, and controlled a large number of teams. The project was launched earlier this week and all went well. Someone in my team, equal to my level, joined 2 months ago. We'll call him Paul. My manager, we'll call him Steve, has seen all the work everyone's been doing.

I've worked near 12 hour days over the last few weeks. Paul has done his 9 to 5. Because Paul is new, I've helped him massively get up to scratch. He was brought onto the team because someone left and his role was to cover 1/3 of the project.

Steve and Paul have become good friends, going for drinks after work. Yesterday, Steve sent an email to Paul, CC'ing all senior management and thanked him for all his work on the project. Someone on that email forwarded it to me and asked why he was being thanked, when I had not only led the project, but worked really hard.

Steve doesn't know I know and I've not heard a thing from him, apart from a thank you in our last meeting a week ago.

I've checked in with colleagues about whether my performance lacked in any way and I've had a huge amount of praise.

AIBU to think I should have been thanked in the same way?

I wouldn't let this go OP.

Obviously it's unfair, but it's more the precedent of your role, input and work failing to be acknowledged.

It's not clear from your post, but has Paul taken credit for your work?

If this were me I would be asking for catch up with my manager to knock this on the head.

I'm not sure he has taken credit. It would be hard to.

I want to raise it with Steve, but I dont know where to start without looking jealous. Not like I can say 'Steve, you realise in all the meetings that I was leading this project' as he'll just say "I know, why are you telling me this?' I can't tell him I know about the email, so I'd just look silly.

It’s not about looking jealous, it’s about being recognised publicly for the work you’ve done. The email will raise Paul’s profile in the organisation unfairly. Depending on your relationship with Steve I’d address it directly, explaining you were (interested/disappointed/fucked off) to see Paul being so publicly thanked for work you’ve been leading on for X. Don’t ask him to explain, or try to fill the silence just name it and let him respond.

Too often the old boys club goes unchallenged but if you don’t you’ll be back here in a few months complaining that Paul got the promotion that was rightfully yours.

If the person who forwarded it to you is senior management, why aren’t they raising it?

ideally by hitting ‘reply all’ 🤣

I hate this s$!t. It happens in my workplace too, absolutely drives me mad.

I don't know how you stop it, I haven't managed to yet. Even after calling it out.

This

Woman does all the work, man gets the Blue Peter badge and a big shiny cup.
Colour me shocked.

My one piece of advice to you OP is not to put all your worth into your job. If it came to consultancy and redundancy you are all just numbers and Paul and Steve would just be people you used to work with. They don't matter. Stop working 12 hours a day, you only live once. We work to live, not live to work.

The person who forwarded this to you who is presumably a senior manger should send a similar email praising you.
seems like some shit stirring from them.
were Paul and Steve actually mates before?
Steve is just helping Paul get recognition, it’s not a slight on you although I can see why you are peeved.

YANBU. Myself and 2 others from my team just delivered an enormous project, from scratch, in a timeframe about a tenth of what it should have been and with about a tenth of the required resources alongside our day jobs. We worked our arses off (we averaged 16 hour days including weekends for about 4 months straight. No time off at Xmas etc).

The Big Cheese made a point of visiting to show his appreciation, and thanked a different team in a completely different part of the organisation who had provided nothing more than some not very good part time project resource for all of their hard work, and missed those of us that actually delivered the miracles off a celebration event invite.

We all separately pointed out the impact of this to our boss, who agreed and raised merry hell with him. We now have our own celebration event, an increased bonus and an extra 2 weeks of leave as a thank you. (And we’ve all refused to work like that ever again.)

depending on your workplace, this is a time to look to your friends in higher places. Do you have any senior colleagues you could nudge to give a general response highlighting your efforts in the team?

I don’t know your industry, but I do hope the 12 hour work days are receiving overtime/TOIL, or a generous bonus. Bonuses though will be given to your colleague who did their standard working hours, so do keep that in mind when you’re sacrificing your personal time and quality of life.

I would book a meeting in with Steve and call him out on this in a professional way.

' Steve, just wanted to chat through my contribution to x project as I was sent the email you sent about Paul and wanted to make sure you understood how integral I was in making this project happen (name some key things you have done). I think Paul has been a great addition and I have worked very closely with him to guide him etc. I do feel this level of recognition unfairly minimises my contribution and was wondering how you plan to rectify this now I've made you aware'

Would the senior colleague who made you aware take it up with Steve? Ask why you weren't acknowledged and praised in the same way?

You could go with a disingenuous 'Paul must have been pleased to get such public recognition for his contribution over the last few months. I know you're aware of how much time and energy I have devoted to this for more than a year, so I'm wondering what would I have to do for you to acknowledge my hard work in such a career advancing way?'

Steve the manager should not be going for drinks with Paul. Steve, the manager should not be being best mates with Paul. This is a misunderstanding of his role. You cannot manage your friends (very clear conflict of interest) and all of the people you manage should have fairly equal access to you. This is how women never could keep up with the old boy network. Professional boundaries are important because when you are a manager, there is a power dynamic, managing or correcting performance, possibly giving bonuses, promotions firings etc. It doesnt matter how much a person might intend to manage without favouritism...... all of the other employees who know about the friendship will have a different perception.

Why can't you say you know about the email? You could imply that one of the addressees showed it to you or told you about it. It's perfectly reasonable to ask how come Paul got publicly thanked when no-one else was.

I don’t know what you want people to say here.

You’ve said it yourself that the 2 men are friends and socialise outside of work. You don’t.

You’re not in the “in crowd” here.

You complaining to your manager direct that he favours his mates, is not going to work well for you is it? What are you expecting to happen apart from him being offended, defensive and finding a way to twist it on you?

I’d just ask to transfer to another team now that the project is finished to remove yourself from the environment. It’s a clean story and minimises fall out. Unfortunately the workplace isn’t “fair” all of the time so realistically you are not going to train your manager out of this behaviour. He knows exactly what your contribution is, he doesn’t care. Your face doesn’t fit in the same way your colleague’s does.

id guess gives away the source

I think I would have to say ‘I’ve inadvertently heard about the email praising Paul - didn’t want to ask if I also received the plaudits too as it’s professionally embarrassing for both of us if I wasn’t- given my input/ leadership/ mentorship of Steve throughout’

You can tell him.

say something along the lines of - It’s come to my attention that you emailed senior staff thanking Paul for all his hard work on this project but not mentioning my contribution. I find that really demoralizing and deeply unfair given our relative contributions.

Has he done it because Paul was only ever there temporarily and is now moving on? Still bad form not to make it clear he was just helping out. I would raise it. Say someone forwarded it to you as they were concerned that it looked like he was being given credit for work you did in your lead work area. Say that once you read it you can see where they are coming from. Ask if there was a reason you were not cc'd as the Lead or included in the message.

Steve’s being massively unprofessional, he’s playing favourites.

There’s nothing you can say to Steve raising going to make him defensive or roll his eyes or weaponize it to make this A Thing. You need to find a way to make sure the person who ultimately needs to know it was you, knows. Ideally directly from you via knowledge of the actual work which Paul won’t have.

OP, why on earth wouldn't you query this?

Women get left behind because they don't and allow bullshit like this fly.

What have you to lose by asking for clarification as to exactly what he meant by this email?

Of course you should spell out clearly what you have done, your hours and the small supervised, monitored contribution by this new guy.

This is a CF test.

You absolutely have to sort this OP.
Over a couple of years, cronyism and unchallenged favouritism and conflicts in a business near me developed into large scale corruption, nepotism and the company ended up bled dry. Many redundant.