AIBU to hate what's just happened at work?

[AbbotSade1985]

Worked on a project for the best part of 18 months. Led the project, which was quite technical, and controlled a large number of teams. The project was launched earlier this week and all went well. Someone in my team, equal to my level, joined 2 months ago. We'll call him Paul. My manager, we'll call him Steve, has seen all the work everyone's been doing.

I've worked near 12 hour days over the last few weeks. Paul has done his 9 to 5. Because Paul is new, I've helped him massively get up to scratch. He was brought onto the team because someone left and his role was to cover 1/3 of the project.

Steve and Paul have become good friends, going for drinks after work. Yesterday, Steve sent an email to Paul, CC'ing all senior management and thanked him for all his work on the project. Someone on that email forwarded it to me and asked why he was being thanked, when I had not only led the project, but worked really hard.

Steve doesn't know I know and I've not heard a thing from him, apart from a thank you in our last meeting a week ago.

I've checked in with colleagues about whether my performance lacked in any way and I've had a huge amount of praise.

AIBU to think I should have been thanked in the same way?

I think there's a few ways to play it but I wouldn't let it lie. Either way I'd be looking to see what other jobs were out there as we all know how this is likely to play out.

You could speak to the senior leadership person who sent you the email, explain how hurt you were, thank them for letting you know and ask their advice.

You could let Steve and Paul know you've seen the email. As he's so up to speed, Paul doesn't need your help from now on so don't provide it. Work to rule, if there's extra work, share it out with Paul, after all, he's more than capable of handling it according to Steve. You don't need to be doing 12 hour days with someone so competent working alongside you. Make sure tasks are clearly delegated so your responsibility for achieving deadlines eneds when Paul takes the work. If he says he can't do it and you take the work back, make it clear that you're doing it not Paul.

The other option would be to ask Steve direct. Say you saw the email, but not who sent it. Explain you are feeling quite demotivated as you thought you had led the project. Ask him to explain what Paul did to have been singled out for praise like this compared you, so you know for next time. I can be quite passive aggressive so this is what I'd probably do in your shoes.

But doesn't everyone know you led the project already? Does the email suggest that he did all the work or does it just thank him for the work he did? I would be absolutely behind you if neither of you were leading the project and he'd got a thank you and you hadn't, but it's not clear to me that this email was suggesting he'd done more than you or that he'd been responsible for work you'd done and he hadn't.

I would also seriously question the motives of the senior person who forwarded this to you. Don't let other people recruit you to fight political battles by proxy.

The email, which could be one of a number, singled out ONLY Paul for special praise, the rest of the team weren't mentioned AND the email was sent to higher management, making Paul MORE visible to higher management

Paul, despite the fact he worked 9am to 5pm, despite the fact that he is relatively new and despite the fact that the team he was in did the most of the donkey work without him, is BEING SINGLED OUT FOR PRAISE TO HIGHER MANAGEMENT over the rest of the team

This is unfair and needs to be nipped in the bud before Paul gets promoted as he is being seen over the people who did the actual work

I agree with the advice to go back to the senior leader who sent you the email. Perhaps saying something like "I'm not sure why Paul has been singled out. Of course, he worked hard, but we all did. I would appreciate it if you could raise this with Steve, as it might cause resentment amongst the rest of the team."

Why don’t you send an email thanking everyone who was involved in the project you managed and copy in senior people. It reminds everyone you were the leader and it’s also nice to thank your team and give them credit.

The person who recieved the Email should have queried why you wasn't cc in and thanked, seeing as you had more involvement than Paul. You need to raise it, you don't have to disclose how you know. It shouldn't have happened.

You need to start sending out the ‘hero’ message when you complete everything eg “I’m delighted to say we have just completed x project under budget and on time etc. I’d like to thank my team (name them) who have been working on this for x months’ . We will be having drinks/cakes/ whatever to celebrate - do join us’.

i used to mentor women at work most of whom were frustrated their work wasn’t noticed - I pointed out that most of the men send out message like this and they needed to do same. My old pupil master told me you have to blow your own trumpet as no-one else will!

This is a tough one @AbbotSade1985 , I get on well with my boss but id feel annoyed too. However id probably have the awkward chat anyway and ask him about this email given the work id done to get the project over the line. Others are right though, you might need to start looking elsewhere too if you want more.

Can you be honest? Steve someone just sent me a copy of this email asking why I wasn't included in it. Can you shed some light on that. Then silence. Don't be defensive because that puts him on the offensive. Don't give snide or loaded statements. Be factual.
if he comes back and says who sent it to you, ask is that relevant? Was it a secret?

You need to make your own work much more visible. As PP have suggested you should send out an email to all and sundry to say project finished and well done to blah blah for all of their hard work and contributions (and you can include Paul in that, perhaps with a little "and despite joining the project so late, was able to contribute".

Thanks everyone for your support.

Paul was thanked for his leadership, organisation and diligence on the project in such a short space of time. No one else was mentioned and the senior leader who sent me the email to me went back on the thread to mention my name. She sent me the email response from everyone and the gist was that yes, others had contributed to the project.

Paul and Steve have only met on this project, so have known each other for 2 to 3 months.

I have decided to contact Steve and tell him what I think of the way this has been handled and that I am no longer going to be working these long hours.

Thanke everyone, really appreciate it.

Is it possible that the email was sent to acknowledge the way Paul contributed what he did in given such a small time frame that he was on the project?

Oh yes. This

This 100%.

you need to raise it, and this is a perfectly professional and appropriate way to do so. He will be the one who is squirming, not you.

You have to call these things out or as other posters have said you will find yourself being left behind while Paul gets promoted above you and gets all the recognition. Chauvinism in the workplace continues when women don’t stand up for themselves (and we shouldn’t have to, and all that, but such is the world we live in)

I also agree that the senior manager who flagged this with you should also be calling this out. Not sure how good your relationship is with them to ask whether they have though.

I'd agree with this. I'd position it more like

Steve, I understand you thanked Paul for his work on the project giving visibility to snr mgt of this work. I was a bit disappointed not to be included on this. I am wondering if you had any feedback for me or whether Ive met expectations?

Exactly that

I've just seen your update and the senior leader has called them out and is a "she". It shouldnt matter who's female and male but it does. I'd definitely thank her and try to ask for her support / mentorship in holding your own / advancing your career.

I’d make him aware that senior managers notice such behaviour: Steve, one of the addressees has made me aware of your email and queried why Paul was credited for my work rather than me. I do think it paints a rather misleading picture of my leadership and this is not ok. Can we please schedule a meeting at your earliest convenience

Sorry just seen your further response.

This is outrageous- thanking him for his leadership and organisation, and then fobbing your mention off as “others contributed” makes it sound like he led the project and you were just one of the team. Totally unacceptable.

I’m glad you’re going to raise it. This is not a small thing, it is significantly undermining.

But why be so supine? The OP would know if her manager thought she was a bit crap, so don't give him that excuse. Maybe ask if she should take up golf like Paul, or whatever they have bonded over.

I’d be walking in to Steve’s office amd having a chat.

Do you mean that Steve’s reply was just “oh yes, others did some stuff too but I really just want to highlight Paul.”

It seems very much that Steve is all about the old boy’s club. And he’ll be pushing this guy’s work and career, whilst ignoring yours. Definitely go above him with your comments about that sort of behaviour by management as it is totally unacceptable.

It’s good one of the seniors spotted it though, and let you know what was going on.

I'd move jobs or at least try to be in a different team.

I went batshit over something like this once to the boss and I heard he called my manager in and just said "x was upset.." but then brushed it under the carpet.

Life is too short for twats being all bro with each other.

Hate this kind of old boys network BS. This is why men take the credit and get promoted. In the future don't work long days as we are all bums on seats at the end of the day. It's really inappropriate for Paul and Steve to be socialising together.

You are not being petty to call this out directly with Steve. I would also be wondering why you were not included in the email suggesting you were completely sidelined. I would also be wary of Paul and wonder if he took full credit for your work.

So Steve thinks Paul came in at a late stage to help keep things afloat after someone else bailed, and is impressed how he 'hit the ground running' and quickly got up to speed. And thinks he's done everyone a favour.

Whereas Steve, if he thought about it at all, would say you were just doing your job.
Is that a fair interpretation?

I'm glad you say you will stop working 12 hour days. The one bit where I thought you were being unreasonable was mentioning that Paul did his 9-5, because he's done nothing wrong there and the 12 hour days you chose to do are on you. Everyone is replaceable at work, but you aren't replaceable in your personal life.